


twilight

by lilaliacs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Body Swap, Friends to Lovers, Love at First Sight, M/M, it is all of that and a bag of chips, you know how it goes this has been done 84766 times, your name/freaky friday au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:30:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaliacs/pseuds/lilaliacs
Summary: Jeno is not a morning person. He isn’t a morning person when one of the cats jumps up on the bed and he wakes up with either a violent sneeze or a well-meant claw to the face, he isn’t a morning person when Donghyuck decides to let himself in and straight out yells at Jeno until he wakes up.He definitely is not a morning person when he wakes up in a room that isn’t even his.or: Jeno and Jaemin wake up in each others bodies and what follows is chaos and a mix of several different romcom tropes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title inspired by wanna one's twilight

Jeno is not a morning person. He isn’t a morning person when one of the cats jumps up on the bed and he wakes up with either a violent sneeze or a well-meant claw to the face, he isn’t a morning person when Donghyuck decides to let himself in and straight out yells at Jeno until he wakes up. 

He definitely is not a morning person when he wakes up in a room that isn’t even his. 

Now, Jeno is only ever up to 96% sure of the legitimacy of anything that ever happens to him, but in this particular case he is maybe even 97% sure that he went to sleep in his own bed. He’s just as sure that he went to sleep wearing an obnoxiously green hoodie that Mark gave him for his birthday, and not a shirt he had never seen with the logo of a band he had never heard of. 

Maybe this is all a very elaborate prank, he thinks as he chances yet another look around the entirely unfamiliar room. Maybe he has to call Donghyuck and as soon as he does that, his best friend will walk through the door and yell “Surprise!” and explain to him how exactly he pulled this off, like some kind of cliché supervillain. 

Maybe Donghyuck is already standing outside that door, waiting for him to do something. 

“Hyuck?” He tries carefully. His voice sounds strange, stranger even than it usually does right after he wakes up, but that is about his farthest concern right now. He hasn’t gotten an answer. 

With a sigh he looks for his phone on the bedside table, where he usually keeps it in his own room, and is less surprised than probably warranted to not see his slightly battered Android charging there, but a sleek matte black iPhone. This is a _very_ elaborate prank, Jeno thinks. Donghyuck really outdid himself. 

When he goes to unplug the phone, the screen lights up, showing him not only the time (he should start getting ready for school soon, his tardy record doesn’t leave any room to focus on pranks, really) but also a picture of two people he has never seen in his life (no surprises there, by now). 

The one who had seemingly taken the picture, a girl around his age with short dark brown hair, has her arm wound around the shoulders of a boy, his hair a lighter brown colour and his face scrunched up in a wide grin. 

_Pretty cute._ Jeno thinks to himself, before he remembers the issue at hand and goes to unlock the phone with his usual passcode. (Donghyuck’s birthday, the other boy had changed all of Jeno’s passcodes to it as a prank far less elaborate than this about 2 years ago and he had never bothered to change them back.) 

The phone buzzes and stays locked. 

Jeno tries again, typing slower this time and making sure it’s the right numbers- another buzz, the same lockscreen looking up at him. 

The time on the display reads 8:03 AM and under normal circumstances he’d really need to leave for school right about now. Although he plays with the thought to let this count as anything but normal circumstances, the mental image of his homeroom teacher’s wrath gets him moving. 

After another quick look around the room he changes into a pair of jeans and a hoodie he finds discarded on a chair and grabs a backpack that he guesses holds his school materials. He prays to the heavens that Donghyuck remembered to pack Jeno’s geography homework somewhere in his prank-planning frenzy — it’s due today and Mr. Kim has given him far too many passes already. 

Opening the bedroom door, he finds himself in the hallways of what seems to be a moderately sized apartment. It’s a little cluttered, but in a very subtle, _lived-in_ kind of way. 

Briefly, Jeno wonders how Donghyuck convinced someone to lend their apartment for this prank. There’s no way he could have arranged all of this, no matter how detail-loving he usually was. 

There doesn’t seem to be someone else here, Jeno realizes. When he gets up in the mornings he can usually hear his grandmother humming from her bedroom or the kitchen before she leaves for the small grocery store she runs, or trying to reason with the cats, but the hallway here stays completely silent as he steps outside. 

“Hello?” He tries. He’s been up for a while now, but his voice still sounds weird, deeper somehow. He doesn’t think that’s how puberty works. Maybe he’s getting sick? 

There’s no answer, and another look at the cursed phone screen tells him he _really_ needs to get going. He can already hear Mr. Kim’s exasperated sigh as he bursts into his class too late. 

As he hurries along the hallway to what he hopes is the door outside, he wonders if this place is any farer away from school than his own- maybe if he made a ran for it he could be there on time? Then again, he wouldn't put it past Donghyuck to let him wake up in an apartment half across town, he reasons with himself as he toes on a used looking pair of sneakers. His eyes roam the hallway for his keys on instinct, even though he probably won’t need keys for this stranger’s apartment after he’s talked to Donghyuck at school. Again, he asks himself how exactly his friend pulled this off, it seems sheer impossible

 

Jeno’s eyes drift over a mirror that takes up a big part of the wall right next to the front door. Only it’s not his eyes he’s staring into in the reflection. 

There’s a slant to the face in the mirror, edges and angles that are entirely unfamiliar to him as he touches them and sees the reflection do the same. He feels caught up in a distinct loss of reality when his fingers run through a strand of his hair, usually black but now a warm kind of brown. 

There’s no question that while the reflection is not his, it is definitely him, and everything feels vivid and real as well as mute and dream-like at the same time. 

He realises, faintly, that the face isn’t one he’s _never_ seen before. It is the boy on the lockscreen, smiling unsuspectingly up at him as he takes it back out now, just to check, even though he’s 100% sure. 

_This is a dream._ Jeno decides. Somehow his subconscious has had enough of his usual dreams, all confusing colours and fairytale-like occurrences, and has thrown him into this shockingly realistic one, complete with people and places he has never seen in his life. Distantly, he remembers Donghyuck telling him about lucid dreaming, and he wishes he had listened more closely then — he kind of really wants this dream to be over. 

In a bout of desperation, he tries pinching himself several times. The pain is fascinatingly real, he finds, but it doesn’t do anything, and he doesn’t wake up. The red mark it leaves on his — this boy’s — forearm looks like it’s going to bruise. 

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?” He exclaims out loud to no one in particular. 

He gets out the phone again, useless still without the right passcode. He could try calling the police. 

Maybe in dreams, especially weird ones like this, there is some kind of dream-police, and they could tell him what to do. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he faintly hears Donghyuck calling him and idiot, and he discards the thought. Before he puts the useless device back into his jeans’ pockets, he glances at the time again. 

He, this boy, his dream self, whatever it is, they will all collectively run way too late for class. 

On one hand, none of this is real and he doesn’t really have anything to lose by just not going to dream-school. 

On the other hand, he has just as much dream-anxiety as he has real anxiety, and the thought of skipping alone stresses him out so much that he thinks it shouldn’t physically be possible for him to sleep through it — yet here he is, still in the same hallway, still in the same dream. 

Without another thought, he is out of the door and down the stairs, and he doesn’t check for a key again. Maybe he’d call a dream-locksmith later. 

The next thought Jeno has, is when he is stood outside of the apartment building and realizes that he has no idea where to go from there. He wonders how his subconscious can come up with entire cities he’s never been to, entirely by itself. Maybe it had something to do with lucid dreaming. He makes a mental note to ask Donghyuck about it later, before readjusting the straps of a backpack that isn’t his on shoulders that aren’t his, as well and setting off in a random direction. 

He doesn’t even get to take two steps when a car honks directly next to him. 

“Jaemin!” A voice follows, just as piercing as the honk that preceded it. “What the hell are you doing?” 

Maybe the useless phone isn’t as useless as he thought, Jeno realizes when a girl leans out of the driver’s side window and he recognizes her as the one from the lockscreen and that, yes, she is looking directly at him. 

And he hasn’t reacted yet. 

“Dude, _move_!” The girl calls again, gesturing to the passenger seat. “You’re lucky I’m also running late, loser, otherwise Miss Bae would have had your head.” 

She seems stressed, and kind of annoyed and it’s pretty scary, so Jeno decides that it would probably be better for his dream-health to just do as she says. The girl starts the car before he can even properly close the door. 

It’s silent for a few seconds, until she throws him a glance. “ _Thanks Yerim._ ” She suddenly speaks up in a high pitched voice. “ _You saved my ass, Yerim, I owe you one. You’re such a great friend, Yerim._ ” Then her voice drops again. “Oh, no problem Jaemin, that’s what best friends do, you’re welcome.” 

“Uh… thanks.” Jeno replies, several beats too late. His voice still sounds weird to him, and he guesses that it’s probably because it’s not his voice. It’s Jaemin’s. Whoever that is. 

The girl, Yerim, he guesses, rolls her eyes. “What’s up with you? Didn’t get much sleep?” 

For a second, Jeno considers telling her the truth, just to find out how his dream would deal with the fourth-wall-break, but he decides against it. He can’t quite say why either, it just seems like a ridiculous thing to explain. 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Yeah I, uh, I went to sleep really late.” 

“Dumbass.” Yerim chides, but there’s a kind of fond smile on her face. 

They pull into a parking lot then. “There we are, right on time. You can thank me by buying me a smoothie later.” Yerim throws him an exaggerated wink before she starts getting out of the car. 

Jeno follows her a bit slower, taking in the school and its surroundings. Nothing he’s ever seen before, of course not. Not even one face he passes as he follows Yerim towards the entrance seems familiar in the slightest, and it makes him feel queasy for some reason. 

He shakes his head to snap himself out of it. It is freaky, yes, but nothing can actually happen to him. If anything would happen to him, it would probably just wake him up, and that isn’t a bad thing, really. He wills his anxiety back down and focusses back on what Yerim is chatting on about. 

“...So at some point during first period I really need to copy Jiwoo’s homework.” She says with finality. 

That reminds Jeno once again about how he knows nothing. “Hey,” He speaks up as they approach the lockers. “What do I have first period?” 

As soon as he says it, he regrets it. It’s a really stupid thing to say. _Jaemin_ probably knows what he has first period. 

Yerim stops in her tracks and turns around to narrow her eyes at him, but Jeno can’t really take back the words now. And he really needs to find out where to go after this, anyways. So he just blinks back at her, until she drops the inquisitive glare with another eyeroll. 

“You’re hilarious.” She huffs then, with an exaggerated kind of sincerity, she continues: “Your first class is Health, in that classroom right over there. Every class after that is with me, your best friend! And _this_ -” She makes a grand gesture.”—Is your locker! And _over there_ is the little demon that haunts us approaching.” Another gesture directs Jeno’s attention to a boy hurrying along the hallway. 

“His name is _Chen-le_.” Yerim continues, taking the boys face into her hands as soon as he is in a grabbing distance and pulls it closer towards Jeno. 

“What are you doing?” Chenle asks. His voice comes out muffled since his cheeks are squished between Yerim’s hands. 

“Jaemin didn’t sleep last night and now his brain is dead and he forgot every important thing about his life.” She explains, letting go of his face. 

Jeno knows that Yerim is being sarcastic, and entirely too dramatic for that matter, but he can’t help but feel thankful for it. It would have probably been awkward for “Jaemin” if he’d forgotten his best friends. He also can’t help but feel like Donghyuck would love Yerim, and Yukhei would probably be scared of her.

“Aw, I’m an important thing about your life?” Chenle grins at him.

“No.” Yerim answers before Jeno can react. “You’re a nuisance, go play with the other kindergarteners, see you at lunch.” And she shoves him in the direction of another locker.  
“And would you look at that!” She exclaims then. “Here comes the love of your life!” She throws a suggestive look at him, but it freezes at the confusion that is probably evident on Jeno’s face. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, you know I’m just teasing. Hey, Renjun.” For the last part she turns away from Jeno again, and towards a boy and— _Oh._

“Hi.” The boy greets, and with his voice, Jeno feels like he hears angels sing. He doesn’t think that a choir of angels is worth singing for a being so serene, so ethereal as the boy standing in front of him in this dingy school hallway, just as he thinks the backdrop of faded red lockers should probably be melting away faced with such beauty— A voice in his head tells him to cut out the gay shit. It sounds suspiciously like Jisung. 

“Hey!” Jeno gives back, his voice sounding kind of strained. “Sorry, uh— What was your name?” 

As soon as the boy’s (beautiful, perfect) face scrunches up in confusion, reality crashes back over Jeno. Or what is as close as he can get to reality, being in a hyper-realistic dream and all. 

_Jaemin_ probably knows who this boy is. He should have just listened to Yerim when she greeted him, he chides himself internally, as a bewildered smile makes its way onto the boy’s delicate features. Jeno thinks that if he ever saw this boy genuinely laugh, he would probably die on the spot. 

He can’t think more about it, because Yerim hits him on the back of the head. “You really need to learn when to drop a joke, nerd.” She shakes her head, as she turns back to the boy. “Renjun, did you do the Econ homework? I was gonna ask Jiwoo, but I always ask her for homework…” 

_Renjun_ , Jeno repeats mentally. 

Yerim waves a hand in front of his face. “You coming? Class starts in about 2 seconds.” As if on cue, the bell rings and shakes Jeno out of his daze. 

Maybe he can get used to this dream after all. 

✨

“What the fuck.” Jaemin says, for the 24th time since he opened his eyes. Just as the first 23 times, it doesn’t help his situation in any way —he still doesn’t know where he is, he still doesn’t know what to do, there’s still a cat curled up in his lap that he has never seen in his life. Jaemin doesn’t even like cats. 

Again, he tries to gather his thoughts and explain this with logic. He might be dreaming, but then again the cat had dug her claws into his thigh about 10 minutes ago and that hurt like a bitch, so probably not. He might just be forgetting some crucial details from the night before —maybe Yerim had dared him to get drunk again and somehow, he ended up here. 

Whatever it was, he is sure that Yerim has something to do with it. 

“What the _fuck._ ” He says again, but it’s beginning to lose the fire behind it. Maybe he should just get up, try to find out where he is, call Yerim, call his mom and apologise for not being home on a school night. Maybe— 

 

Hurried steps sound outside of the door, and his thoughts are interrupted by it flying open with a loud bang. 

“You’re awake!” The boy in the doorway exclaims, and it kind of sounds like an accusation. Jaemin doesn’t know what he is accusing him of, or who he is for that matter, but he doesn’t get to ask more than that because the boy is talking again. 

“I’ve been standing outside for ten whole minutes, waiting for you. I let myself in by the way, your lock is way too easy to pick you should really let someone check on that.” He rambles while walking over to the bed and promptly sitting down on Jaemin’s legs, picking up the cat and plucking her into his arms. 

“Ow! What the fuck—” Jaemin starts, but the boy interrupts him. 

“That’s right! What the fuck? Were you planning to leave me hanging out there the entire morning? I know we both don’t like Mr. Kim’s Tuesday classes but we still gotta visit them, you know?” He ruffles a hand through his faded orange fringe to fix it, before he stills. “You’re going to class today right? Why are you still in bed? Are you alright? Are you sick? Are you _contagious_?” 

After that, the boy actually pauses and looks at Jaemin with wide expectant eyes. 

Jaemin doesn’t remember most of the questions he was just asked, so he replies with another question instead, one that seems very warranted to him right now.

“Who the fuck are you?” 

The boy blinks at him for a few seconds. Then, without a word, still blinking, he slowly raises a hand to Jaemin’s forehead and rests it against it. Another few silent seconds pass in which the two of them just stare at each other, until the strange boy leans closer and says, much quieter than before: “You don’t seem to have a fever but you seem dead serious so something has to be wrong with you.” 

Jaemin just looks at him some more, still entirely unimpressed. 

“Does it hurt anywhere?” The boy asks, his hand leaving Jaemin’s forehead but only to roam the rest of his face, probably in search for anything that could be wrong. 

“Well, my legs, for starters.” Jaemin grumbles, leaning out of the unwelcome touch. “Because you’re sitting on them.” 

“Oh, right.” The boy nods, shifting so he’s no longer cutting off the blood circulation to Jaemin’s feet. “No but really, Jeno, what’s up? Do you wanna stay home? Do you want me to call your grandma in the shop? Do you need a cup of tea?” 

“What did you just call me?” 

“...Your name?” 

“I don’t know what that was, but that was not my name.” 

Slowly, he can see the boy get annoyed. Which is rich, considering he just broke into this house that he had referred to as Jaemin’s, had sat down on top of him, bombarded him with questions, called him a name that wasn’t his own— Really, Jaemin should be the one getting annoyed. 

“Dude. We really don’t have time for this, you know how Mr. Kim gets. You know how _Mark_ gets, he’s probably already panicking!” The boy huffs out. 

“And who the hell is Mark?” Jaemin throws back, his voice rising a tad bit. 

All he gets in reply is a handful of very judgemental blinks. “Okay.” The boy sighs, getting up from the bed, and Jaemin hopes that he’ll maybe just stop being confusing and leave, but he continues: “I don’t know what the hell you’re on, but next time: share. I’m gonna be in the kitchen, stealing one or seventeen of your grandma’s cookies and also making you lunch, and in the meantime you’re gonna get dressed. We’re running really late and on this particular day I don’t feel like making Mark die from a heart attack. Sound like a plan?” 

He doesn’t actually wait for a reply, just pats Jaemin’s head once in a very patronising manner. “Alright, see you in five.” 

And then he saunters out of the room, the cat following him with a low meow. A few seconds later, Jaemin can hear cluttering from the kitchen. 

“You better be getting out of bed!” 

Jaemin suppresses the urge to yell back a creative combination of curses. He has no idea what’s going on still, but his nerves simply don’t allow for him to fight more. It’s decidedly too early for this much negative karma, Chenle would say, and he needs a clear head and at least two cups of coffee to deal with this any more. The weird guy currently making lunch for him doesn’t seem like he’ll be of help any time soon. Maybe whoever Mark is will realize something is off. Someone here had to realize that they had never seen Jaemin before. 

With a deep sigh, he finally stands up, roaming around the room for a few minutes to look for clothes to change into that weren’t Hawkeye themed pyjamas and horridly unfashionable. After a quick look at the clothes he finds around the room, he decides that he has to lower his standards. This is a very clear sign that something is very off. No way would any of these shirts actually be in Jaemin’s own possession, not even in a prank orchestrated by Yerim (she wouldn’t do him like this) or a dream (he still hasn’t fully ruled out the possibility) or some kind of alternate dimension. 

He settles for the first shirt without a weird print he finds — a plain white one — and jeans. It’s boring, but definitely preferable to everything else. With a final hopeful look around the room to find literally anything — a clue to where he was, actually nice clothes — his eyes land on a red beanie on the ground. The weird boy had made it very clear that they were in a hurry, so he probably wouldn’t have any time for his hair, Jaemin thinks and picks it up. 

As he steps into the hallway, his eyes zoom in on what looks like a bathroom, further down the hall. He passes the kitchen on the way there, an over-the-top “It lives!” From the weirdo going entirely ignored. 

Jaemin steps into the bathroom, in front of the mirror, looks up and— 

 

“What the _actual fuck_.” 

“You okay?” The boy steps into the open door. “You know, your outfit doesn’t look as terrible as usual. All in all you’re being really weird today, Jeno, I’m actually kinda worried. Sure you don’t wanna stay home?” 

Jaemin doesn’t react to any of his words, as he stares at his reflection— No, not _his_ reflection, but whoever’s it is. His hair is black, like Jaemin’s natural haircolour before Yerim convinced him to let her try out some dye on him, but that’s where the similarities end. Slowly, he brings up a single finger and rests it against his own nose, and the boy in the reflection follows his movements. 

This is really happening. 

The boy is still looking at him, his eyes huge and imploring, eyebrows raised in question, and Jaemin’s first instinct is that he absolutely can not tell anyone about what’s going on, because it’s downright insane. He doesn’t want to deal with people thinking he’s got a screw loose, both because it would be annoying and because it’s not true. There must be a logical explanation for this, Jaemin just has to find it. And until then, he has to play along. 

“Uhm.” He starts. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” And after a short pause he adds: “Bro.” 

Someone who has at least ten different shirts with the same superhero logo on them is someone who calls their friends ‘bro’, right?

“...Alright.” The boy allows and Jaemin cheers internally. “If you say so, but—” He is cut off by the loud ringing of a phone. “Oh damn, that’s Mark. I’m putting this on speaker and blaming you for everything, quick, think of an excuse. _Hi_ Markie!”

“ _Donghyuck, where are you?! I can’t wait here much longer, and Mr. Kim will literally publicly execute us._ ”

“I’m at Jeno’s house, he overslept and is possibly dying.” The boy, _Donghyuck_ apparently, Jaemin thinks with a bout of satisfaction at knowing at least that, replies cheerily. 

“ _Did you say dying?_ ” Mark sounds alarmed, and before Donghyuck can relay how Jaemin had nearly blown his cover, he cuts him off. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry, dude! We’ll hurry!” 

“ _But—_ ” Mark starts, but Donghyuck quickly calls: “Yeah, we’ll hurry!” Before ending the call. 

“Oh, he’s gonna give us an earful.” He laughs. “We really should be going now though.” 

And without another word, he pulls Jaemin along, out of this house that isn’t his and into a day in the life of whoever’s body he stole over night. 

*** 

“Oh, you’re on time this morning, I see.” Yerim clicks her tongue as Jaemin drops into the passenger seat of her car the next morning. 

“I’m always on time.” He gives back absentmindedly, checking his bag for a chapstick. 

“Yesterday you weren’t. You were late and weird.” 

As Yerim starts the car and gets them on the road, Jaemin halts in his movements to slowly look up at her. 

When he woke up in his own bed this morning, feeling entirely normal like nothing had happened at all, he had decided to just let whatever had happened fall under the rug. The entire day he had pretended to be someone else, had rolled with the punches, and done a pretty good job if he said so himself, but he hadn’t found even one logical explanation for it all. And maybe there isn’t one.

Maybe it was just a weird trick of his psyche. Maybe some switch in his brain had malfunctioned and suddenly Yerim had become a 17-year-old theatre kid (Donghyuck had practiced lines on him all throughout lunch) and Renjun had become an awkward music nerd (Jaemin swears he saw Mark editing his own SoundCloud profile while he was trying to tune out Donghyuck) and Chenle had become an equally as loud but ten times as tall jock version of himself (Yukhei had nearly managed to drown out Donghyuck’s dramatics, but Jaemin hadn’t been able to feel thankful in the slightest). 

And maybe Jaemin was too fed up with thinking about it this morning and just hadn't done it. 

But now it seems like he can’t get around it. “What do you mean I was weird?” He asks, apprehensive. 

“Oh, don’t act like you forgot _this_ too, it’s really getting old.” Yerim huffs. “You’re whole confused _who am I and what is going on_ running gag was cute for like two seconds, you can drop it now.” 

“Okay, sorry.” Jaemin makes sure to say before he dives right back into brooding. 

Apparently, letting yesterday fall under the rug isn’t an option, because apparently, it had really happened. But _what_ had happened?

Had his brain made him see what he had seen when it hadn’t actually been happening —Some weird kind of simulation? But how would something like that even work? 

Had he really occupied another body, lived a day of a life belonging to a real person? And had that person been here in his stead? Faintly, he thinks that he remembers watching a movie about that. Surely, it wouldn’t happen in real life. 

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Yesterday hadn’t felt like anything that would happen in real life. 

“...Hey, loser. Are you even listening to me?” Yerim says, louder than whatever she was going on about before and ultimately snapping Jaemin out if his existential inner monologue. 

“Of course.” He shoots back. It’s clearly a lie, so Yerim rolls her eyes, and repeats: “I was saying, whatever that was yesterday, if that’s your idea of making Renjun notice your big fat crush on him, you better think of a new one. That was just weird, buddy.” 

“I don’t have a crush on Renjun.” Is his first reaction. Yerim is already rolling her eyes again before he even starts saying it —They’ve had this conversation a lot of times, and yet she won’t stop bringing it up. 

As an afterthought, Jaemin adds: “And what about what I did yesterday was weird?” 

He makes sure to make it sound defensive, rather than like a genuine question. Yerim’s confrontational attitude will assure him an answer, but she won’t understand that he doesn’t actually know what he did the day before. 

Like predicted, Yerim takes a deep resigned breath and starts to recount. 

“Well, for starters, that whole star-struck look in your eyes whenever Renjun was around. Literally, dude, we get it. He’s pretty. But you’ve seen him every day of your life since you were like five years old and that was just _too much_. Also, you asked him for his name? Was that supposed to be some kind of pick-up line? Because it sucked, and you should never do it again.” 

They pull into the student’s parking lot, but when they’re parked, Yerim doesn’t make any moves to get out of the car, and Jaemin can’t help but feel thankful. A weird feeling has twisted up in his stomach at her words, at the realisation that his second theory seems to be true —someone had been in his body while he had struggled to get by in theirs. It’s like a weird feeling of intrusion, mixed with all the questions and uncertainty he still has. It’s scary. 

Yerim reaches out to lay a hand on his arm. “Listen Jaemin, I know it’s been a while since you started harbouring this crush, and I know you don’t wanna talk to me about it because you say it’s _’not true’_ , but I’m your best friend and I’m still gonna give you advice. Just talk to him. You know how he is, nothing bad is going to happen.” She pats his arm placatingly. “And whatever you were trying to do yesterday —Don’t do it again. It really wasn’t subtle, and not in the good kind. Chenle picked up on it, and the kid is like twelve.” 

“Chenle is sixteen.” Jaemin corrects her, but it comes out weaker than intended. He really hates when Yerim starts talking to him about this, all serious and with good intentions and like she knows what he’s feeling better than he does. He wishes she would just accept what he has told her time and time again, but right now he has bigger problems to deal with than his non-existent crush on Renjun. 

Right now, he has to find out what is happening with his life and how to stop it, because the prospect of a stranger inhabiting his body again, is frankly even more terrifying than his best friend trying to be therapist and matchmaker at once. 

That night, in a bout of insomnia and overthinking he gets out a sharpie and sprawls on his arm, just in case: _Who the hell are you, and what is happening?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some kind of exposition, a chapter late

  
“What’s that on your arm?” Renjun asks, lounging on Yerim’s couch next to Jaemin. He tries to reach for his arm, no doubt to decipher the faded letters there, but Jaemin is quick to pull it out of his reach. 

“Nothing.” He gives back, everything but convincing. Renjun raises an eyebrow. 

“My mom says you can get ink poisoning from writing on your skin.” Chenle perks up from the ground across from them, not even really paying attention to them as his eyes are fixed on Yerim as he is painting her nails a bright shade of blue. 

She rolls her eyes. “Sometimes you literally sound like you’re an elementary schooler.”

Chenle grins up at her: “I can paint your nails like an elementary schooler would, if you want to?” 

“Don’t you dare!” She screeches. 

Over Chenle’s cackling, Renjun nudges Jaemin again. For a second, Jaemin thinks he’s gonna ask about the writing on his arm again, and his mind is already reeling with possible excuses, but Renjun just smiles and says: “Remember when we were in elementary school and you said you wanted to get matching tattoos? That looked about the same.” 

Jaemin chuckles at the memory. They had stolen his mom’s eyeliner and had smeared terribly misspelled English song lyrics on their arms and legs. She had been livid, but before she made them wash everything off, she had taken pictures of them and sent them to Renjun’s aunt. He’s pretty sure Miss Huang still has one of them framed somewhere around their house. 

Renjun’s aunt has a knack for photographs. Jaemin thinks he could spend hours in their living room and still wouldn’t have seen every picture displayed there. It’s a collage of a room. Most of them feature Renjun, from when he moved in with his aunt at the beginning of elementary school up until this day, and looking at them felt like some sort of journey through time. Jaemin had been there for most of the moments captured too, after all.

Renjun goes back to the discussion Yerim and him have had for the past hour or so, about the movie they’re gonna watch later that night, and Jaemin lets out a breath of relief. 

Ever since Tuesday, nothing had happened. He didn’t wake up in a stranger’s body again. One time he woke up after he accidentally had fallen off his bed and panicked for a second, not being able to recognise his own room upside-down, but that was a false alarm and he vowed to himself to never even think of it again. 

Yerim stopped her complaints about his ‘running gag’ soon after, and now, Saturday, the whole ordeal seems like something far off, like it had been a dream after all. Jaemin isn’t complaining, he’d rather not have to deal with it ever again in his life and accept it as something that just happened, even if he can’t explain it, than having a stranger living his life for him. 

He thinks of that stranger again though, at that moment, and wonders how he is dealing with the whole thing. He hopes he’s gotten over it too. It just seems like something ridiculous to lose sleep over. Maybe his friends had pointed something out to him, like Yerim had, but surely they would be over it too by now, right? Jaemin thinks he did a pretty good job at being someone he doesn’t know, anyways. Jeno’s fiends might as well not have noticed.

Jaemin shakes his head as he catches himself stuck on the thought. He doesn’t even know the other guy. Maybe this hasn’t even been real. It may have seemed real at the start of the week, but now he’s back at square one again, and with the necessary emotional distance, Jaemin can admit that _‘Jeno’_ might have just been a figment of his imagination after all. 

“Okay, then it’s settled!” Chenle chirps, loudly, at that moment, shaking Jaemin out of his thoughts. “End of discussion, you guys are tiring. We’re watching _Mulan_.”

The boy springs up from the ground to bout over to Yerim’s DVD player, and soon after the familiar _Disney_ intro fills the cozy living room. 

All four of them start reciting the first few lines of the movie as they are said on screen. There is no telling how often they have watched this movie before and it’s a nice sense of familiarity, Jaemin thinks after a while, as Renjun’s head drops to rest on Jaemin’s shoulder. 

It’s still the beginning of the film, and usually it’s Jaemin’s job to fall asleep at some point, so he carefully leans forward to check if the other boy is asleep or not. Renjun smiles back at him. “I’m not gonna fall asleep.” He assures Jaemin. “You’re just comfy.” 

Jaemin nods and leans back again. He tries to stay as still as possible, but at the same time he feels like he fidgets way too much. Renjun doesn’t seem to mind, staying where he is with his entire attention back on the movie. 

_Reflection_ starts playing, and like every time without fail, Renjun starts singing along to it quietly under his breath. 

Jaemin tunes out the sound of the movie for a while and focuses on Renjun’s voice. He has heard him sing this song countless of times, had heard him sing other songs even more often, but there’s always something about Renjun’s voice that captivates Jaemin, makes him forget everything around them. When they were younger he once told Renjun that he surely was a siren, that’s how hypnotising his voice was. Renjun had looked up what sirens were and had asked Jaemin carefully if he thought that Renjun wanted to kill him, his eyes wide with worry. “No, silly.” Jaemin had laughed. “I know you wouldn’t kill me, we’re best friends!”

About two years ago, they all went out for karaoke together during the summer, and Renjun had chosen a Chinese ballad at one point. Jaemin to this day doesn’t remember what happened in those 3 minutes, except for the fact that Renjun was singing. And that was the only thing that was important enough to remember anyways, he still tells himself. 

It had been then, he remembers with a bit of disdain, that Yerim had started suspecting him of crushing on Renjun. 

It is, as he told her then, and has told her time and time again afterwards, an absolutely ridiculous thought. People don’t just fall in love with their childhood friends from one day to the other, not in real life at least. He never felt any different around Renjun either. They are have always been the same, the two of them, and Renjun will always be his best friend and the person he feels most comfortable around. Jaemin thinks he surely would have realised if he caught feelings along the way, if the way he sees Renjun had changed. 

“I am _so_ right, you guys are just scared of the truth. Jaemin, back me up here.” 

Jaemin curses himself for tuning out the conversation yet again. He really needs to stop getting caught up in is head. 

Yerim turns to him, a desperate look on her face. “ _I’ll Make A Man Out Of You_ is the best song in any movie ever.” She states.

Glad for the distraction, Jaemin mimics being deep in thought. “Oh, I don’t know. _I Won’t Say I’m In Love_ exists, you know?” 

“I told you he would say that.” Renjun chuckles. 

“Why am I friends with any of you?!” Yerim exclaims, throwing her hands up. 

“Because we’re super cool and you love us.” Chenle decides. “Now be quiet, and watch the movie.” 

The silence only lasts about 20 minutes, before Chenle himself breaks it. “I’m hungry.” He declares. 

“So get up and get yourself food.” Yerim huffs. “You know where everything is and old enough that you can be trusted alone in a kitchen, right?”

“But I don’t wanna go alone!” Chenle whines. 

Yerim throws out a hand to the duo on the couch. “Ask one of those losers then. I’m not moving.” 

Chenle immediately turns his puppy eyes on Jaemin and Renjun, but drops them just as fast. “Aw.” He smiles. “Adorable.” 

Jaemin furrows his brows. “What?” 

“Renjun fell asleep.” Chenle explains. “Yerim, look!” 

“Oh goodness, something just melted in my cold black heart.” Yerim exclaims as monotonously as she can while she sends a meaningful grin Jaemin’s way that Chenle, luckily, doesn’t notice. He just rolls his eyes as he leans forward slightly to look at Renjun’s face. 

Renjun’s lips are slightly parted, his eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks, a strand of hair had fallen over his forehead. Jaemin’s fingers itch to brush it out of his face, and he probably would have, but Renjun stirs in that precise moment. 

He’s always been a light sleeper, Jaemin thinks with a small smile as Renjun snuffles slightly and blinks his eyes open. 

“You said you wouldn’t fall asleep.” Jaemin chuckles, as Renjun sits up straight and yawns. 

“Guess I was wrong.” He shrugs, looking away from Jaemin then and his eyebrow shoots up. “What’s with you?” He addresses Chenle. 

When Jaemin turns to look, Chenle is grinning so widely it’s nearly unsettling. “Nothing.” He chirps, entirely unconvincing. 

“I’m hungry, Renjun. Come get snacks with me?” 

And Renjun, the caring friend that he is, huffs and gets up. “I’m raiding your secret chocolate stash, Yerim.” He announces before he and Chenle disappear in the kitchen. 

“I really need to find a new hiding place.” Yerim grumbles, more to herself than Jaemin, so he just snorts and leaves it at that. 

She seems to get over the loss of her chocolate rather quickly, suddenly seizing him with a special look he learned to dread months ago. “That was pretty cute just now.” She says. 

Jaemin wants to groan, but instead he opts to feign ignorance. “What was?” 

Yerim makes a vague gesture in his direction. “All of that just now. The soft gay shit.” She narrows her eyes at him. “You know exactly what I mean.” 

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Jaemin decidedly shakes his head, revelling at the frustrated sigh it elicits from his best friend. “I have never participated in-” He lifts his hands to make quotes with his fingers. “‘soft gay shit’ in my entire life.” 

“Of course.” Yerim rolls her eyes. “You’re the biggest hetero I know.” 

“Now, let’s not get insulting.” Renjun’s voice suddenly cuts in from the doorway. Him and Chenle walk back in, dropping a few bags of chips and chocolates on the living room table. 

“Why are we calling Jaemin a hetero?” Chenle asks, dropping back to his spot on the floor. 

Jaemin sends a warning look Yerim’s way, that she just dismisses with another roll of her eyes. As adamant as she is about Jaemin’s non-existent feelings for Renjun, she never actually brings it up for Renjun to hear, and Jaemin is thankful. That would just be unnecessarily awkward. 

“Unimportant.” Yerim decides. “Renjun, you didn’t hog all the Oreos again, did you?” 

The four of them fall into an easy discussion about snacks with that, the last few minutes of the movie playing in the background entirely forgotten until Yerim gets a pack of her own cookies out of Renjun finally. Jaemin is peacefully munching on a bag of Doritos, listening to Renjun hum along to the song playing over the credits, when Yerim perks up again and declares that she is bored. 

“You guys should match with me.” She decides. 

Before any of them can react, Yerim reaches into a small bag on the table and throws a hand full of nail polish bottles their way. Jaemin is convinced she aimed for his head, only barely dodges the shade “Giggly Periwinkle”. 

Renjun laughs and picks up a bottle of neon green, holding it out to Chenle. “This is your colour.” 

Immediately, Yerim jumps up from her armchair and joins Chenle on the floor. “I’ll put it on you! Junnie, you can choose a colour for Jaemin.” 

“Aye Aye, captain.” Renjun grins, taking up the bag she previously got her ammo from.  
“I don’t really know if nail polish is my thing.” Jaemin starts to protest, but Renjun just clicks his tongue and shakes his head. 

“This is why she said you’re a hetero.” He says, and Jaemin lightly kicks his knee. 

“I hate all of you.” He grumbles. 

“No, you don’t.” Renjun sends him a wide grin before focussing back on Yerim’s nail polish collection. Jaemin could tell him that he is right, or he could tell him that his smile was blindingly bright, both true and thoughts he is having, but he elects to stay quiet. 

A minute later, Renjun releases a small sound of triumph. “This is it.” 

The bottle in his hand is a shade of pink, muted enough to not be obnoxious, but still very, well, pink. Jaemin loves it, but he’s not going to admit it just like that. He supposes Renjun knows, anyways, he can see it in the other’s smile as he turns his body to face him and grabs his hand. 

It’s quite nice, Jaemin thinks, when Renjun lowly hums along to the music Yerim put on after a bit of silence, the four of them just sitting there, comfortable with each other’s presence. Jaemin’s hand rests on Renjun’s knee, the older focused on what he is doing, determined not to mess up. When he’s done with the first coat on one hand he grabs Jaemin’s wrist carefully and sets it to rest on Jaemin’s own lap, reminding him not to move too much until it’s completely dried. 

“I’m not an idiot.” Jaemin chuckles. 

“Say that again when the colour dried and you actually managed not to destroy it.” Renjun gives back, already focussing on Jaemin’s other hand. 

It’s quite therapeutic, Jaemin thinks, watching Renjun as he gets back into focussing on the colour on Jaemin’s nails. Renjun is worrying his bottom lip in between his teeth, his usually soft features a little more tense with concentration. Jaemin thinks it’s cute that Renjun is putting so much effort into this, even though it’s just a dumb late-night activity at a regular sleepover. 

“Are you done?” He asks when Renjun sets aside his second hand, just as carefully as the first one. His voice is more hushed than probably warranted. Something about the quietness of the room, the calm atmosphere Yeri’s soft music creates makes it seem inappropriate to raise his voice. 

“Not quite, I just had an idea.” Renjun replies, just as quietly, as he goes back to Yerim’s bag 

He pulls out another bottle, this one a plain black, and takes back one of Jaemin’s hands, the one on which the colour already dried. 

Jaemin realises how soft Renjun’s hands are then, as the other carefully takes one of his fingers into his. 

It’s quite surprising, Jaemin thinks, that he hasn’t really realized that before, considering he held Renjun’s hand about a million times since they became friends. Maybe the sleepy familiar atmosphere of Yerim’s living room is what it takes to realize such obvious things, he muses, as he watches Renjun bring up the brush to his nails again. This one is much finer, Renjun not looking to cover the entire nail. Instead, he creates something else with a few precise strokes. A flower, Jaemin realises, and just as he does, Renjun looks up at him and smiles widely. 

“Pretty, right?” He says. The hushed tone they were talking to each other in creates the illusion that they are alone in their own little bubble, and in that bubble, Jaemin thinks it’s okay that he doesn’t give back a snarky remark or a joke. He just mirrors Renjun’s wide smile and nods. 

Later, they all fall asleep in a mess of pillows and blankets on the living room floor, and for the first night since Tuesday, Jaemin doesn’t think about living someone else’s life, doesn’t think about the different person he was for a day, doesn’t even think about one of Yerim’s well-meant remarks throughout the week. 

As he drifts off into sleep, he thinks about muted pink and small flowers. 

The next morning comes with a loud meow next to his head, loud banging on the front door and decidedly less pink on his hands than he remembers being there when he fell asleep.

 

✨ 

 

“So what was the city’s name?” Jisung asks, kicking aimlessly at a pebble on the ground. 

Jeno doesn’t think Jisung is genuinely interested, the younger just tends to let people talk. He’s wonderful to go to for venting, and a good vent is exactly what Jeno needed all week. Ever since Tuesday and that weird dream, he can’t stop thinking about it. Moreso because he honestly can’t recall any of the things that actually happened to him on Tuesday. It’s like his brain is too occupied with dealing with the hyper realistic dream it came up with to also deal with his actual day. All that Jeno is sure of is that he hasn’t dreamt of anything similar since then, and he is glad, really, but he’s still kind of caught up on it. 

That’s why he roped Jisung into meeting him and the others at the park, using the 15 minute walk from their street as some kind of make-shift therapy session. 

“I have no idea.” He replies. Jisung scrunches up his nose. 

“So you come up with a whole city in your sleep and you don’t even have a name for it? Sounds like you.” 

Jeno hits Jisung’s arm lightly. He can’t really hold anything against him, it annoys him too, that he doesn’t actually know anything about the entire world his subconscious seems to have created, safe for about four names. 

“In my humble opinion,” Jisung starts, straightening his back and lifting up one finger in a way that tells Jeno he’s going to want to murder him after the next sentence, “Your subconscious is trying to tell you that you and your life are insanely boring. It’s had enough of your shit, it wants you to be more like _‘Jaemin’_ , the cool city kid with a best friend who can drive and, how did you put it, _the most beautiful angel to ever grace this mortal plane_ by your side.” He drops his finger and shrugs. “Honestly, I can’t blame it.” 

“My life isn’t boring.” Jeno protests. “And I have two friends who can drive, so that whole point is null and void.” 

“You call whatever Mark and Yukhei do behind the wheel driving? Controversial.” Jisung deadpans. 

As Jeno laughs, Jisung continues: “Anyways, you may not lack a friend with a license, but you definitely lack beautiful angels in your life.” 

“Don’t let Hyuck hear you say that, he’s gonna get upset.” Jeno chuckles. 

“Last time I checked you didn’t hear choirs sing when looking at Donghyuck first thing in the morning, and neither did anyone else. He can be upset all he wants.” Jisung clicks his tongue. “What I’m saying, Jeno, is that you need a love interest in your life. The audience is getting bored.” 

“The audience?” Jeno raises an eyebrow at the younger as they make their way through the park’s rusty gates. 

“Me, your cats,” Jisung starts to list off. “Your grandma, judging from what she told my mom at the store the other week. And your own subconscious, apparently.” 

“What did my grandma tell your mom?!” Jeno stops in his tracks, slightly scandalized. He hadn’t been aware that his grandmother regularly discussed him with her customers. 

“She’s worried because you never tried to sneak out on a date, or something.” Jisung shrugs. 

“...So she wants me to sneak out?” 

“Who knows? Maybe you should try.” 

Jeno briefly plays with the thought, and knows that Jisung is doing the same when the two of them look at each other and shudder simultaneously. “No, you shouldn’t.” Jisung backtracks. “Damn, grandma Lee is terrifying.” 

“Tell me about it.” Jeno shudders once more. He loves his grandmother, he really does, but he has seen her angry before and it’s not a memory he likes to entertain too much. 

They spot the rest of their friends under a huge cherry tree and as they get closer, Jeno can already hear Yukhei’s bellowing laugh. 

“My point still stands regardless.” Jisung pipes up unexpectedly just before they reach the tree. 

“Which one?” 

“You need a love life, buddy.” Jisung pats his shoulder, before hurrying the last few steps and dropping down onto the picnic blanket next to Mark. 

Jeno stays behind for a moment, thinking about Jisung’s words. Perhaps he is right, but there isn’t really anything Jeno can do about it. 

He knows basically everyone in this town, not that it is a big feat, and none of these people are really The Love Of Jeno’s Life material. There was that unfortunate phase in middle school, when Yukhei had transferred there and Jeno thought he was in love, but honestly, the entire school believed they were in love with Yukhei back then and nearly everyone got over it by now. 

Long story short, either The Love Of Jeno’s Life is hiding themselves very well in this town, or he simply has to find it somewhere else and, well, that isn’t happening anytime soon. He has homework. 

Involuntarily, his thoughts drift back to his dream again, the memory of Renjun’s face more vivid than any other dream he ever had, hell, than most of his memories from things that actually happened to him. He sighs. Perhaps Jisung was right and this was his brain taunting him. 

It was weird, really, because as confusing and unsettling at the dream had been at times, he sometimes found himself thinking back to it after he woke up and being kind of disappointed that he didn’t dream about the same things again, didn’t dream about Renjun again. He quietly sighs again.

Suddenly, an arm wraps around his shoulders.

“What’s got you looking so glum?” Donghyuck asks, holding up a bag of marshmallows in front of Jeno’s face. 

“Nothing, I’m peachy.” Jeno hurries to say, shoving about 5 marshmallows into his mouth at once. 

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow at him, but even if Jeno wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to answer with all the candy in his mouth, so he just gives his best friend a thumbs up. 

“For the record, I don’t believe you. Keep the marshmallows.” Donghyuck shoves the bag into Jeno’s hands with a wide grin and then immediately launches into a retelling of everything Jisung and Jeno missed before they arrived- it’s a worrying lot for the fact that they only got here about 10 minutes after everyone else. 

Jeno knows that Donghyuck will probably ask again, later, when the conversation slows down and the others are preoccupied with something else. He won’t get out of some kind of answer, but he’s glad that Donghyuck accepts that he doesn’t have one right now. Maybe he’d also accept it when Jeno would tell him he doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s not a lie, far from that actually, but it still doesn’t sit right with Jeno as soon as he thinks it. Donghyuck has been a part of everything that has happened in his life since they’d been four years old, and keeping any part of it from him now is just not an option in Jeno’s books. 

As he settles down onto the picnic blanket he thinks back to how he and Donghyuck met, and smiles to himself. 

It had been the beginning of Summer when the entire town started talking about a new family moving into the old villa up on the hill. It fascinated Jeno, sitting in his grandmother’s store after he came home from kindergarten, listening to her chat about it with her customers, that anyone would move in there. Mark had told him a few months before that he had heard from Johnny Seo, his neighbour and the coolest person they knew, that the villa was haunted.

“Johnny is in the third grade.” Mark had emphasised, wide-eyed. “He _knows_ these things.”

For a short while, awe and slight apprehension was all Jeno felt for whoever had moved into the house. He understood that the rest of their town felt differently about it. A lot of his grandmothers customers seemed downright appalled at the addition to their community, but Jeno never quite understood why. 

The day Mr. Heechul made his kindergarten class quiet down for a few minutes in the morning to introduce a new boy to them, Jeno could see the same peculiar hostility in some of the kids’ eyes. 

“This is Donghyuck.” Mr. Heechul told them, pulling the boy forwards a bit by his hand. “He and his parent are new in town, they live in the house up the hill. Isn’t that right, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck grinned at the class, one or two teeth missing, and nodded. “My walls are painted yellow!”

Jeno liked Donghyuck, he decided then. He also decided that he would try and be his friend, but didn’t quite know how to go about it. He never had to actively seek out someone’s friendship, people just knew each other in this town and kind of became friends by association and lack of other options. Mark for exmple had been around for as long as Jeno could remember. 

He was still not sure about it when Mr. Heechul took them all outside to play, and he saw some of the other kids approach Donghyuck. 

“Your house is haunted.” One of them said. 

“Yeah, you should move out of it.” Another girl added. “My mom said your family shouldn’t be here.”

Jeno saw Donghyuck furrow his brows. “Why not?”

“Because you’re weird.” The second girl said, matter of factly, and her friend chipped in: “You don’t have a mom. That’s weird.” 

A boy nodded. “My grandpa says that two men can’t raise a child right.” He leaned down to Donghyuck to look at him more closely. “So you _have_ to be weird.” 

“I think my dads did a pretty good job.” Donghyuck said. His voice sounded oddly calm, and Jeno couldn’t quite understand why. He himself was insanely angry, only listening in, and they weren’t even talking about Jeno’s own family. But Donghyuck just smiled up at the group of kids surrounding him. “You could play with me and find out for yourselves if I’m weird or not?” He suggested. 

“My mom says I can’t play with you.” One of the girls gave back, and the others nodded importantly. “You can be weird by yourself in your haunted house.” 

With that, they all turned on their heels and left Donghyuck sitting on the ground by himself. Briefly, Jeno considered running after them and yell at them to apologise, to be nice, but yelling at people had never been something he liked to do. His grandmother wouldn’t like it if he told her he yelled at the other kids. 

Instead, he walks over to where Donghyuck was quietly ripping out tufts of grass, and sat down next to him. 

It took Jeno a few seconds to gather the courage to actually talk. “You know…” He started finally. “I also don’t have a mom.” 

Donghyuck lifted his eyes from the ground and looked at Jeno curiously, so he hurried to continue: “Or a dad.” 

Donghyuck’s eyes widened, and for a short moment Jeno worried that he had said the wrong thing and that Donghyuck would now tell him that he was the weird one, but before he could backtrack, Donghyuck said: “I have two dads!” 

Jeno tilted his head in confusion.

“You can have one!” Donghyuck explained. “I don’t have any moms though, so I can’t help you with that. Sorry.”

“Oh, it’s alright.” Jeno nodded. “I have a grandma. That’s like twice a mom, right? She can be yours too!” 

“Cool!” Donghyuck grinned. He then grabbed Jeno’s hand and asked him to show him around, while simultaneously telling about the orchids his dad was going to plant in their garden and that Jeno should totally come by to look at them.

And that was that. Jenoshared his cookies with Donghyuck the next day, they called Mark a nerd when they had told him that Jeno was borrowing one of Donghyuck’s dads and Mark had told them that wasn’t how that worked, and when Donghyuck invited Jeno and Mark and their families for lunch with his the following weekend, he didn’t think they were weird at all. 

The three of them had been inseparable ever since then, adding Jisung to their tight-knit group soon after when Donghyuck first met him and declared he was too small and they needed to look out for him, and later in middle school Yukhei, when had simply attached himself to Mark and the others accepted it without much complaining. 

And now they’re here and Jisung is threatening to empty an entire bottle of soda over Mark’s head and Donghyuck is complaining about the song Yukhei put on. Jeno thinks his life is pretty cool, actually, and not boring at all, despite what Jisung said earlier. He’s sure that his subconscious agrees too, since it hasn’t conjured up a similar dream ever since. 

It’s this conviction that makes him dismiss Donghyuck’s imploring stare again later that day. The sun is nearly entirely gone and the others are busy packing their stuff. Jeno is still lounging around on the grass, when Donghyuck asks: “So what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing in particular.” Jeno replies. When all he gets in reply is a raised eyebrow, he adds: “It’s all cool, I promise. It was pretty stupid anyways.” 

“If you say so.” Donghyuck shrugs, but Jeno can tell that he’s more relieved than he lets on. Donghyuck’s a worrier. “You’re pretty stupid all the time. But if you realize it’s not as stupid as you thought, I wanna know, okay?” 

“Of course.” Jeno grins up at him. 

“If you guys are done with not helping us, we can leave.” Yukhei calls over from where the other three are standing.

“About time!” Donghyuck yells back. 

“Jeno, are we going to soccer practice tomorrow?” Yukhei asks him as the small group sets off soon after.

Jeno laughs. “I don’t know, are we?”

“I feel like Johnny will kill us if we don’t show up again.” Yukhei juts his lip out in a pout. “But he said we’re going on a run first thing in the morning and I _hate_ running.” 

“Maybe you should have picked up a sport that involves less running then.” Donghyuck chips in from where he’s trying to annoy Mark into giving him a piggyback ride behind them. “Running is for losers. So is walking, which is why you absolutely need to carry me, Mark.” 

“I am not gonna do that.” Mark refutes. 

“What kind of sport is fun and doesn’t involve running?” Yukhei furrows his brows. 

“Chess.” Donghyuck has resorted to hang onto Mark’s arm with his full body weight instead of just whining at him and his answer comes out in between a bout of giggles as Mark tries to shake him off. 

“Do we have a chess club?” Yukhei asks again, turning to Jeno this time. 

“You don’t wanna join the chess club.” Jisung tells him in Jeno’s stead. 

“Yeah. You’d get bored after two seconds.” Mark agrees. Donghyuck is still attached to his arm, but Mark has seemingly decided to ignore it. 

“You know what’s not boring? Carrying me!” Donghyuck tries, to no avail. 

“You’re probably right, chess seems pretty boring.” Yukhei looks deep in thought for a second, then shrugs, “Oh well, running it is then, I guess. Hey Hyuckie, I can carry you!” 

And that’s the end of that discussion, as Donghyuck lets go of Mark with a loud whoop and bounds over to Yukhei instead. 

At the crossroads where Jisung and Jeno usually leave the rest of them, Yukhei turns to Jeno again. “I’ll pick you up around 8 then?” 

“Sounds good.” Jeno nods. 

“Sounds awful. Who the hell is awake at 8AM on a Sunday?” Donghyuck sniffs disdainfully from where he’s perched on Yukhei’s back. 

“Functioning human beings.” Yukhei grins back at him, which earns him a snort from four different directions. 

“Oh, don’t make me laugh.” Donghyuck says. 

“Can we hurry this up? My mom is going to kill me if I’m not home in 5 minutes.” Jisung cuts in suddenly, impatiently tapping his foot on the floor, not unlike a cartoon character, Jeno thinks. 

That night he falls asleep tired and content and feeling like there’s absolutely no reason for his brain to come up with a different dream-reality for him. 

When he wakes up, the first thing he sees are the nails of his own hand, and they’re a really nice shade of pink. One of them has a surprisingly intricate rendition of a flower on it, and Jeno gets lost in the lines for a few seconds, before something shifts by his shoulder and he snaps back into reality. 

These are not his nails. That’s not his hand. This is not his body. 

Right next to him, very close, lays Renjun. He’s still fast asleep, his head resting against Jeno’s shoulder, and he looks just as breathtakingly beautiful as Jeno remembers. 

The thought nearly overpowers the screaming in Jeno’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while tinkering with the outline for this i got very invested in jenos mark's and hyuck's backstory, hence that whole flashback thing
> 
> this update was done way faster than i'm used to and i really don't know if i can keep that up, better don't get your hopes up hbidfjijds BUT I'LL TRY! 
> 
> while editing this i realized i accidentally did some unintended foreshadowing that could involve future secondary plots...my mind surprises me sometimes. we'll see how that goes, i know just as much as you guys!
> 
> varsha told me my end notes are dry, so hopefully this was creative enough for her. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mild panic attack about halfway through jeno's pov

Jeno has tried everything that Donghyuck told him about lucid dreaming, and so far everything he’s achieved is the realization that Donghyuck is full of shit. To be fair, most of what he told him was about actually getting to the point of dreaming lucidly, of realizing you are in a dream, and everything afterwards is supposed to be very easy, but Jeno doesn’t really feel the whole _‘easy’_ thing right now. 

He knows he’s dreaming, he’s very acutely aware of it. And yet, no matter how much he tries to change the dream, no matter how much he wants to wake up, nothing happens. His  
_—Jaemin’s—_  
nails stay pink, the living room around him stays unfamiliar, Renjun is still leaning on his shoulder after every time he presses his eyes closed and he’s going to revoke Donghyuck’s cookie-privileges in the morning. 

Out of pure frustration he presses his eyes closed once more, focussing entirely on waking up, but of course nothing’s changed when he opens them again. He sighs involuntarily and a little louder than he should. 

Renjun stirs, and immediately Jeno stills, his eyes trained on the boy next to him. 

He’s spent a lot of his waking hours of the last week thinking about this face, and yet it didn’t prepare him for actually seeing him again. The soft morning light falling in through a crack in the blinds casts Renjun’s features in an ethereal kind of glow. Jeno traces the soft lines with his eyes, the shadows Renjun’s lashes create on his cheeks, the small pout of his lips, the crease between his eyebrows as he stirs again, his eyes blinking open. 

_He’s beautiful_ , Jeno thinks. 

_He’s awake_ , he realises. 

“What’s up?” Renjun whispers, still blinking his eyes, willing them to stay open. 

“You’re beautiful.” Jeno blurts. 

It doesn’t really register with him what he just said, and he’s actually quite proud of himself for remembering to keep his voice down, surely Chenle and Yerim wouldn’t appreciate being woken up by him spewing random compliments to a boy he doesn’t actually know, who is just a friend of this dream-persona—  
Renjun’s brows rise up and oh. Oh no. 

Renjun is Jaemin’s _friend_. 

“Uhm.” Jeno says before Renjun can voice the questions clear on his face. “I— I gotta—” 

While still working on an excuse, he is already scrambling to get up. “I have to go to the bathroom.” He brings out in a hushed tone when he is already on his feet. 

Renjun opens his mouth, probably to protest, but Jeno brings one finger to his lips, motions to the other two still asleep next to them and then all but bolts out of the room. Definitely not the most inconspicuous exit he’s ever made. 

It takes a bit of trial and error until he finds the bathroom. He doesn’t know whose apartment this is, just that it’s not his own, or well, Jaemin’s. He walks into a storage closet first and only barely manages to not crash into a shelf full with cleaning supplies. The next door opens into a kitchen, but the third, finally, is the one to the bathroom. 

He hurries to close it behind him before slumping against it and sliding down to the floor. 

He’s been awake for not more than ten minutes, and he’s already managed to mess up. 

_No_ he reminds himself, _You didn’t wake up, you’re still asleep._

For a second, he thinks about going through one of the lucid dreaming routines again, but he drops the thought. It’s not gonna work, for whatever reason. He just has to survive the rest of this dream with the embarrassment of his slip-up just now. 

It’s weird, how real everything is in this dream, just as it has been in the first one, and how different from all of his other dreams. More out of desperation than anything else he pinches his arm a few times. Yep, just as painful as he’d expect it to be. 

It’s almost as if this is not a dream. 

A small laugh pushes itself over his lips and it’s a rather pitiful sound, more hysteria than humour. Jeno’s pretty sure he’s losing his mind. 

“Of course.” He mutters to himself. “Of course you would wake up in someone else’s body. That’s a thing that absolutely happens to people, Jeno.” 

It creeps him out, talking to himself but hearing a voice that’s distinctly not his. He has to admit though, apart from not being his own, Jaemin’s voice is very nice, it would probably actually calm him down, if it wasn’t coming out of his own mouth. Alas, it just makes everything seem more real and surreal at the same time and does nothing to slow down Jeno’s heartbeat.  
He relocates his panicked monologue back to his thoughts and tries to focus on calming down first, dealing with this second. 

Jeno’s never been good at shutting up his own brain by himself, he’s always had to rely on distractions. There isn’t much distraction in this unfamiliar bathroom, none at all actually, so he opts to focus on the pink colour on his nails again. It looks rather fresh, not chipped in any way. The only nail polish Jeno usually sees is always chipped, because _’Some people have more important things to do than to maintain their nailart, Jeno’_ , or at least that’s what Donghyuck told him when Jeno asked once. 

He traces the delicate lines of the flower on one of the nails, and it helps to calm his breathing, somewhat. 

So maybe, this isn’t a dream, maybe this is real and maybe he has to deal with it. 

He has no idea how to deal with it. 

If he’s right, then his own life is going on, just as much as the one he is living right now. It explains why he thought he simply couldn’t remember what he had done last Tuesday. He didn’t do anything, because he wasn’t there. But someone was, and that someone had done things, just as he had done things while he’d been here. 

It makes awfully much sense, for how ridiculous it sounds. 

As he rakes his mind for something, anything to do now, his eyes focus back on the little flower. 

Should he talk to someone about this? He’s sure it’s not a common experience, at least it’s nothing he’s ever heard of, but maybe someone he knows has. He could tell Mark, Mark knows a lot of things. Or he could tell Donghyuck in hope for some kind of advice. Maybe he should tell a doctor. But that thought doesn’t sit well with him.

Jeno’s been through his fair share of therapists in his life, starting from when he was about six years old. He doesn’t actually remember most of the earlier visits, only that his grandmother did most of the talking, that most of it was about his parents, probably. He figures they helped, in one way or another, but none of the doctor’s he’d visited up until he was about twelve had made it seem like waking up in someone else’s body was healthy neurotypical behaviour. It would probably just involve a lot of talking, a lot of explaining, a lot of heavy glances, a lot of his grandmother being worried. He can feel his heartbeat and his breathing pick up again at the thought and, no, he definitely won’t tell a doctor about this. 

A knock on the door makes him jump.

“Jaemin?” That’s Yerim’s voice. “Breakfast is ready.” She tells him through the closed door. After a short pause, she adds: “You alright?” 

“Yes.” He calls back. “I just… I have a headache.” 

It’s not a lie, not really. His head _is_ hurting, with everything it has to keep up with. 

“Chenle said he has to leave soon anyways. I’m sure his mom can drop you off at home.” 

“Yeah, that’s—” While talking, something on his arm catches his attention. Smudged lines that maybe could be words if he’s being generous.”That sounds good.” He absentmindedly gives back to Yerim, before bringing his arm closer to his eyes.

Most of it is impossible to read, he guesses it’s been there for a good few days, but Jeno is pretty sure he can make out at least one word. _Who._

Of course it doesn’t have to mean anything. It could be literally anything, Jeno thinks as he reminds himself that he knows nothing about Jaemin’s life still, but he can’t help but wonder what the other boy is thinking about this whole situation. Has he understood that it’s real? Does he perhaps know what’s happening to them? What is he doing right now, over in Jeno’s own life?

Jeno decides that he might as well give it a shot, might as well answer Jaemin’s question, even if he hadn’t actually meant to ask it. 

“I’ll be out with you in a second.” He calls out to Yerim, while getting up. 

He throws a handful of cold water into his face. It stings a little bit, and it tingles when he dries it off, and his stomach knots up when he watches a stray droplet run down the side of Jaemin’s face in the mirror, but he doesn’t let it throw him off again. 

***

Chenle’s mother is a wonderful woman, he learns about half an hour later, and she talks just as much as her son. He doesn’t even get the chance to slip up in any way on the ride over to Jaemin’s apartment, because the two of them fill every tiny silence that dares to come up in conversation. 

Jeno is more than thankful. He’s still kind of out of it and has only barely managed to dodge conversations over breakfast back at Yeri’s house with the excuse that his head was hurting. If Renjun has any thoughts on Jeno’s idiotic slip-up this morning, he didn’t mention them. Jeno is more than thankful about that too. 

He has messed up a good few times in his life, he won’t lie, but he doesn’t think anything of it has been quite as embarrassing as complimenting the stranger he woke up next to, when said stranger thought he was his best friend  
Jeno doesn't even wanna get into all the layers of embarrassment that involves. 

“There we are, sweetheart. Remember, ginger tea does wonders against everything, just drink a few cups throughout the day and you should be back on your feet in no time!” Chenle’s mother chirps from the front seat as she pulls up next to the apartment complex Jeno knows to be Jaemin’s. 

“Thank you.” He makes sure to say with a smile. 

“See you in school tomorrow!” Chenle calls out to him before they drive off again. Jeno thinks he sees the boy wave until they round the corner. He’s only met him twice, but he’s already growing really fond of the kid. 

Looking up at the apartment complex, Jeno realizes he has no idea what to do now. He doesn’t exactly remember what floor Jaemin lives on, and he’s not even sure what Jaemin’s last name is so he could check on the list of doorbells. It’s really not his morning. 

As he steps up to the complex’s door, he goes through the bag Yerim shoved at him before he left her house this morning, nagging at him and his forgetfulness he apparently always has after waking up. That’s a total of one thing him and Jaemin seem to have in common so far. 

He barely refrains himself from letting out a yell of triumph when he finds a key on the bottom of the bag. It takes him a whole of five tries to find the right one for the front entrance, but eventually he gets into the staircase and starts to make his way up. 

He definitely came down some stairs the last time, maybe he’ll find the right door by accident. It’s his only shot. 

After about three cases of stairs, he wonders if he’s went up too far, if he should go to the very top and then down again, and repeat it until he finds the right apartment or simply passes out from exhaustion, whatever comes first, but then something catches his eye. 

_Na Jisoo & Na Jaemin _ it reads on the door he’s standing in front of. This time he actually cheers to himself and performs a small celebratory dance as he starts his key guessing game over again. This time it takes him only three tries. He’s on a roll. 

He closes the door behind him, quietly humming to himself as he toes his shoes off and makes his way to Jaemin’s room. He purposely ignores the mirror in the hallway, remembering all too well the shock it gave him when he looked into it last time. He knows what he looks like right now, he does not need another panic attack inducing reminder, thank you very much. 

Jaemin’s room looks about how he remembers it, maybe a little worse for wear. Jeno guesses Jaemin packed last minute to leave for Yerim’s judging from the small mountain of clothes in front of his closet. He can respect that. 

With a small huff he sits down at the desk. His first order of action is what Jaemin has tried to do, or at least what Jeno guesses that Jaemin has tried to do. He opens a planner that lies on the desk, turns to the first free page he finds and writes in bright red pen: 

_Lee Jeno_

It looks quite dramatic, he thinks to himself, and kind of ominous too. Maybe Jaemin hadn’t actually wanted to know his name, then this would just be very unsettling. After a few seconds of hesitance he adds his phone number under his name and a sprawled _We should probably talk about this, haha :D_

That looks way more friendly. 

He sets the notebook in the middle of the desk, open, impossible to miss once Jaemin gets back. Now he just has to wait until that happens. 

The clock says it’s barely 12PM, and last time he spent the whole day as Jaemin, right up until he fell asleep, so he probably has a lot of waiting to do. 

He could clean up Jaemin’s room, he guesses, to make some kind of good impression. But in his stead he wouldn’t want some stranger roaming around his stuff, so maybe he shouldn’t. He could do some of his homework, but when he flips a page in the notebook he sees calculus problems and he probably wouldn’t help Jaemin in any way if he tried to solve those. 

With a sigh, he gets up and walks over to the bookshelf, making his peace with the fact that he would just spend the rest of this day lounging around. In his own, actual life he would just be getting home from soccer practicet and the traditional after-soccer-milkshakes with Yukhei right about now. 

While he browses the spines of Jaemin’s books, he wonders how the other boy is doing over there once again, wonders if he’s adjusting well, worries if he’s panicked like Jeno had this morning. He’s not quite sure why he’s so concerned about it, seeing as he never met the dude, but somehow switching bodies with someone makes their well-being your personal business, he guesses. 

“Jaemin?” A voice suddenly calls from outside the door and a second later, it opens.  
“I didn't hear you get home.” The woman in the doorway says. Jeno can clearly see the similarities between her and Jaemin, the same slant to their faces, the same eyes. He thinks that they have quite nice eyes, the two of them, sharp and expressive. 

“Yeah, I, uh—I got home a few minutes ago. Hi.” He smiles awkwardly. 

This conversation is putting him on edge. Surely Jaemin’s own mother would realize that she wasn’t talking to her son, right? 

Jisoo only gives back a small smile, then looks away from him for a second. “Listen, I know you weren’t really keen on the whole dinner plan on Wednesday… And that’s fine, really, I don’t want to force you to anything. But I just wanted you to know that the offer still stands so if you change your mind we could order something in, put on a movie… A bit like we used to, you know?” 

There’s a hopeful glow in her eyes and in her small smile. Jeno is overwhelmed. 

He has no idea what’s going on, he has no idea why Jaemin would reject such nice dinner plans with his mother, especially since they seem to be so important to her. 

If it was on Jeno, he’d have dinner with her every day of the week, he thinks, as Jaemin’s mother keeps smiling at him from the doorway. 

But it’s not really on him, he remembers, it’s on Jaemin and Jeno should be careful to not interfere with his life too much. 

The complicated rollercoaster of emotions he is going through must show on his face, because Jisoo’s expression falls and she says: “Honey it’s okay, you really don’t have to agree, I get that kids your age have better stuff to do than hanging out with their mother.” She laughs, but it sounds forced and it kind of breaks Jeno’s heart. 

“No!” He says before she can turn to leave. “That’s not what I—uhm. I’ll be there. Let’s do it.” It’s out before he can stop himself. 

He nearly starts to panic, but the wide smile that Jisoo gives him washes all his worries away, for now. “Really?” She asks and he nods enthusiastically in confirmation. 

“Absolutely.” He smiles back at her. 

“Great! We can discuss what movie to watch over lunch then, it’ll be ready in about half an hour.” She strides over to where Jeno is standing and ruffles his hair affectionately. 

“It’s gonna be fun, right?” She asks, and it seems like she wants to make sure again that he wants to do this. 

It seems like Jaemin doesn’t really like to spend time with his mother and Jeno can’t tell for the life of him why, as she smooths down his hair again carefully.

He likes to think that if he had a mother, he’d love to spend as much time with her as possible. 

He nods again, just as enthusiastically as before. “Of course.” 

Jisoo grins. “Okay.” She nods. “I’ll get back to lunch. See you in half an hour, I love you.” 

“Love you too.” Jeno calls after her as she goes back to the kitchen. She leaves a weird feeling in his chest that he can’t quite pin-point, something between comfort and nostalgia, something similiar to how a ‘ _could have been_ felt. 

After a few seconds of dwelling about it, he returns to Jaemin’s desk and picks the red pen back up. 

_PS: You’re having dinner and a movie night with your mom on Wednesday. I’m sure you’ll have fun! ^^_

✨

“I specifically reminded you last night to set an alarm!” Yukhei says with a pout as soon as Jaemin opens the door.

 _Yeah, well, I wasn’t here last night and I would like you to specifically fuck off so I can have a mental breakdown in peace._ Jaemin wants to give back, but he knows he can’t do that. 

“Sorry, dude, I forgot.” He says, doing his best not to flinch at the way his voice comes out, plastering on a wide smile instead. 

Yukhei rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t seem all too upset. “It’s chill, we have a bit of time. Where’s your grandma?” 

Jaemin has no idea where Jeno’s grandmother might be. It’s a Sunday, so he assumes that she’s not at the shop he’s learned she has the first time he was here. He’s not awake enough yet, and he knows way too little to make up a believable lie, so he goes with the truth. 

“No idea, she didn’t wake me up before she left.” 

“I bet she tried. You’re _so_ hard to wake up in the mornings, I’ve been knocking on the door for _hours_!” 

It’s pretty clear to Jaemin that Yukhei is exaggerating, and he would roll his eyes and tell him to stop being dramatic, but he feels like Jeno wouldn’t do that, so he settles for a small borderline-awkward laugh. 

Yerim told him before that he was gifted at reading people, and right now is the first time he finds that alleged gift to come in handy. It’s easier than anticipated, pretending to be someone else, he found that out the first time he had to do it. Still, it is the morning, and he absolutely didn’t expect to wake up in Jeno’s room, and he is overwhelmed and it doesn’t make anything easier. 

It also doesn’t make anything easier that Yukhei is standing across from him, his eyebrows raised like he’s waiting for him to do something, and Jaemin has not the slightest idea what he’s supposed to be doing. He just stares back for a few seconds, until Yukhei starts giggling. 

“You might wanna get dressed and get your bag.” He laughs. “You know? Soccer practice? That thing we have this morning?” 

Jaemin thanks whatever force responsible for the fact that he _’only’_ has to deal with Yukhei just after waking up. Yukhei doesn’t seem like he reads too much into conversations, doesn’t seem like he holds grudges. Jaemin can afford a few missteps, a bit of trial-and-error on the way to play a believable part. 

“Right! I’ll be back with you in a second!” He exclaims and sprints back to Jeno’s room. 

He finds an already packed bag, ready for him to take and throws on some exercise-appropriate clothes that don’t look like they came right out of a Marvel Comics merchandise store—it’s harder than he really wants it to be, but he can deal with little obstacles like this. 

There’s an obstacle that is far harder to deal with, he realizes about half an hour later as he steps onto the soccer court.

He has never played soccer in his life. 

Nervously he eyes the group of boys mulling around, some of them kicking a ball back and forth casually, some others stretching on the grass. 

Maybe he can just pretend that he knows how to play. Or maybe Jeno’s body’s muscle memory will kick in as soon as he starts, that doesn’t seem all too impossible, right?

It is impossible. 

“Dude, are you alright?” Yukhei asks him when the whole team is taking a breather about an hour later. Jaemin wants to tell him that no, he isn’t alright, he has no idea what he’s doing and he was tired after that whole cross-country run they started with already and what kind of monster would make them play actual sport on top of that?! 

What he does tell him is: “Yeah, it’s all good, just a bit of a headache.” 

“Alright.” Yukhei nods and gives him a firm pat on the back. “Take care.” 

And then he’s off to talk to some other guys on the team and Jaemin is left to brooding and trying to convince himself to not make a run for it. He can do this, if someone calls him out he’s just going to repeat the headache-excuse and then he can go home and think on how to proceed and how to deal with this, and he doesn’t thinks he can actually run just a step more if he’s honest, so—

“Jeno?” 

Jaemin looks up to see the team’s irritatingly tall coach standing above him. “Dude, I’ve been calling you forever now.” He says, but it’s with a certain mirth in his eyes.

Jaemin definitely needs to learn to react to Jeno’s name. 

“Sorry.” He gives back sheepishly while getting to his feet and mentally preparing himself for some more running after a ball. 

It turns out that it’s not truly over, even when it’s over. When the team files off the court, and Yukhei is telling him some riveting story about one thing or another while pulling him towards the showers, Jaemin firmly plants his feet on the ground. 

“What are you doing? We gotta hurry up.” Yukhei says again, pulling on his arm. “We’re meeting Mark and Donghyuck for milkshakes, remember?” 

Jaemin wants to tell him that he definitely will not, under no circumstances, take a shower in a body that isn’t his own, even if he really should because he stinks, and he wants to tell him that he can’t drink milkshakes because he’s lactose intolerant and he wants to ask Yukhei if he’s aware of how abnormally strong he is and if he can stop pulling his arm out of its socket. 

What he does say is “Oh, yeah. You’re right.” With another awkward laugh. 

He doesn’t say anything more until he’s stalled enough to be the only one left in the dressing room, all the others already off to the showers. He sits down on a bench, sighs and runs a hand through his hair. 

Why can’t he wake up in this life on a lazy day, refreshed and with nothing to worry about. Why does Jeno always have to go places like school or soccer practice, when Jaemin desperately needs that time to _think_? Why are Jeno’s friends so overwhelming? Why is this whole thing happening? 

He sighs again. He’s not going to get answers for any of these questions anytime soon, he knows. And it’s not fair to get angry at Jeno for this. The other boy does not plan his life simply to spite Jaemin, he doesn’t even know him personally, and getting down to it, Jeno is probably just as overwhelmed with everything as he is right now. Jaemin’s friends are just as much of a handful as Jeno’s. 

He runs a hand over his face and stands up, taking the few strides over to the sink. He looks at his—Jeno’s—reflection, takes a deep breath and whispers. “I’m doing my best to not fuck anything up for us, I hope you’re doing the same.” 

Voices from the showers filter over to him then, and he quickly bends down, letting the lukewarm water from the tap run over his head. He leaves it like that and goes back to the dressing room, slathering himself in deodorant until he thinks he might suffocate. It helps a little bit against the stench, at least. He’s just gonna write Jeno a note to take a long, long shower as soon as he wakes up. 

He changes, with his eyes closed and somewhere at the back of his head he hears Renjun calling him a prude. _I’ve never even met this boy._ he gives back. He is just being polite. 

“Oh hey, there you are. “ Yukhei greets him as he steps back into the dressing room. 

“Yeah, I hurried.” Jaemin grins up at him. “You know, like you told me to.” 

“Right, I did that.” Yukhei smiles sheepishly. “Alright let’s go, don’t wanna keep the other two waiting.”

“Definitely don’t want to do that.” Jaemin affirms and follows Yukhei out to his truck. 

Jaemin has to admit he’s glad for one thing in this whole situation at least: Jeno’s friends aren’t terrible people. It would be so much harder for him to pretend to be their best friend if they were assholes. But on the contrary, he feels like if they all went to the same school they’d be friends, and it makes his living-this-life-that-isn’t-his that much easier. Of course, he hasn’t been subjected to them much yet, and he’d already realized the last time that he can’t keep up with all their insiders but it’s nothing impossible. He’ll probably get used to it all in no time.

Softly, Jaemin shakes his head. He’s subconsciously already planning ahead, with this whole _thing_ as a part of his future, and that’s really not what he needs right now. What he needs is a plan, an understanding of what is going on, a way to stop it, if possible. 

“I bet you 10 bucks that Hyuck is going to try to get us to tell him what we got him for his birthday.” Yukhei says then, turning the music down. “What did you get him, anyways?” He asks then, throwing a curious grin Jaemin’s way. 

Jaemin for one, has had no idea that Donghyuck’s birthday is coming up, and is also not his friend, therefore he hasn’t gotten him any present. _A Gemini_ , a voice at the back of his head says. _That explains so much._

Out loud he says: “It’s a secret.” 

“Aw, c’mon, you know I hate secrets.” Yukhei pouts. “Just tell me, I promise I won’t tell him this time!”

He has to force himself not to laugh. Yukhei is really making this too easy for him. “Absolutely not, dude. You’ll see. What did _you_ get him?” 

He supposes he can fill the rest of the car ride with this, so he won’t have to answer any more questions he doesn’t know the answers to. And he’s not wrong. At the question, Yukhei’s eyes all but light up. 

“Okay, so me and Mark got this giant DVD set, like it’s _massive_ , dude, it’s so many DVDs I don’t know how he’s gonna watch all of them in his life,that’s how many it is. Anyways, it’s a Best Of Broadway type of thing? Yeah, we got him that, and you know that huge sunflower field like half an hour from here? Hyuck likes sunflowers, so me and Mark are gonna drive over there before the party next week and get him some. I don’t actually know if that’s legal, probably not but, eh-” He shrugs. “Worth it.” 

Jaemin can’t keep the smile off his face this time. He barely knows these people, but it’s clear how much they mean to each other, and how important it is for Yukhei and Mark to make Donghyuck happy. He hopes that Jeno has put just as much thought into Donghyuck’s present. Shortly, he wonders if Jeno seems like the type to forget to buy presents, and he decides to write him a reminder later and tape it to his forehead before he goes to sleep. 

“That sounds awesome.” He tells Yukhei, and receives a wide smile in response. 

“I hope he’ll like it.” He says, nearly as an afterthought, much quieter than before. 

“Oh, I’m sure he will.” Jaemin assures him. He has no idea what Donghyuck would like or not, but he thinks that if anyone brought him anything with as bright a smile as Yukhei just had on his face, he would love it even if it was a garbage bag, or something. 

They pull into the parking lot of what seems to be a pretty authentic diner from the 60s. After a closer look, Jaemin suspects that it’s not a trendy retro rebuild of one, but in fact an actual diner from the 60s that has probably been in this town forever. From what he has seen in his short time here, there’s not many other attractions around, so he figures that the diner has a trusty group of regulars. 

“Oh, shut _up_ , Mark! You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Is the first thing Jaemin hears when he and Yukhei walk through the doors. 

A small man behind the counter fixes them with a weird mixture of a very friendly smile and a suffering grimace and waves in the direction of where Mark and Donghyuck are sitting. 

“They’ve been arguing for 20 minutes now, please make them stop.” 

“Hello to you too, Ten!” Yukhei grins good-naturedly, but actually starts making his way towards the other two. Jaemin quickly throws up a hand in a wave and follows him. 

Mark is pinching the bridge of his nose in a small scowl when they reach the table. “It’s really not that deep, Hyuck—” He tries to say, but Donghyuck cuts him off. 

“Not that deep?! I swear to god, Marcus—” 

“Hey, guys!” Yukhei booms, throwing himself into the booth next to Donghyuck. Jaemin slides in much more gingerly next to Mark. “What are we chatting about all calm and nicely and addressing each other with wrong names for?” 

“Donghyuck is blowing this completely out of proportion—” 

“I’m blowing absolutely nothing!” Donghyuck interrupts him. 

Jaemin can see the glint in Yukhei’s eyes as he opens his mouth, and he already has his head in his hands before Yukhei says: “Now, let’s not tell lies.” 

“I literally despise you.” Donghyuck hisses, while glaring holes into Yukhei’s bulletproof grin. 

Jaemin decides to diffuse the situation. “So what were you actually talking about?” He asks. 

“Harry Potter.” Mark sighs. 

“We were _actually_ talking about the importance of Peeves as a character, and how the idiots who made the movies didn’t realize that.” Donghyuck turns his glare to Mark again. 

“They would have just used him for meaningless comedic relief if they’d put him in!” Mark throws back. 

Donghyuck has his mouth already open for a comeback, but Jaemin holds up a placating hand. “Maybe we can talk about this super interesting subject later and talk about food first? I’m kind of starving.” 

“You’re so right. Think about some better arguments in the meantime, Mark.” Donghyuck huffs. “Ten?” He calls to the waiter behind the counter. “Our usual, please.” 

Apparently, Jaemin muses to himself, Jeno and his friends are part of the diner’s group of trusty regulars. 

The conversation goes on afterwards, drifting here and there, carefully steering clear of Harry Potter screen adaptations. Oftentimes, Jaemin has no idea what the others are talking about, so he stays as quiet as possible for most of it. It’s a good chance to observe, to learn. He feels like he should be taking notes about these people, much like his 8th grade drama class teacher suggested when they talked about method acting. 

Suddenly he feels a light kick to his shin. “Why are you so quiet today?” Donghyuck asks him with an arched eyebrow. 

That eyebrow unsettles Jaemin. Ever since Tuesday he can’t help but think that Donghyuck is too perceptive to entirely buy into Jaemin’s whole act. He picked up on little slip-ups Jaemin made throughout the day, which he had always managed to attribute to some kind of coincidence, but now he finds himself wondering how long that would work for, should this whole business go on. He really needs to perfect his ‘being Jeno’. 

Before he can mentally berate himself for assuming that this is just his life now, Yukhei speaks up: “He has a headache. You should have seen him during practice, he was all over the place. Johnny was really worried, actually...Oh, food!” 

Jaemin is glad that the conversation about his demeanour and well-being is over as Ten places some trays in front of them. He just sends what he hopes is a ‘Yes, My Head Does Indeed Hurt’ smile Donghyuck’s way, before focussing on the food in front of him. 

Jeno’s regular order, apparently, consists of a chilli cheese burger and a huge vanilla milkshake. Normal enough, Jaemin guesses, but still a problem for him. How’s he gonna play a believable Jeno when he can’t eat Jeno’s food because of his stupid lactose intolerance—

“Huh.” Jaemin accidentally says out loud. 

“Everything okay?” Mark next to him perks up. 

Jaemin nods. “I’m not lactose intolerant.” He says. 

“Thank you for sharing that.” Donghyuck says around a mouthful of fries. 

Jaemin gives them a grin before picking up the burger and starting to dig in. This has to be by far the best part about living in another body so far. 

*** 

A while later, Jaemin focuses on the downsides again. Yukhei refused to give him a ride home, reminding him that he had apparently promised some kid called Jisung to pick him up from dance practice and walk him home. 

Jaemin has no idea who Jisung is, or where his dance practice is, or why he couldn’t walk home by himself, he just really wants this to be over. 

He’s been walking down the road of the diner for about ten minutes now, contemplating to just ask someone for the location of the dance studio, but he can’t shake the fact that whoever he’s going to ask probably knows Jeno, and Jeno in turn should probably know where the dance studio is. 

“Hey! Loser! Wait up!” A voice suddenly calls from behind him. 

As he turns, he sees a tall lanky boy jogging towards him. “Where are you going?” He asks in an accusing tone as soon as he catches up with him. “You said you were picking me up.” 

Jaemin can’t believe his luck. 

Perhaps it’s ironic to speak of luck when it’s generally quite unlucky to wake up in someone else’s body, but he has to make do with what he gets. 

“I was just messing with you, buddy.” He says to the boy. “I am picking you up, aren’t I? Here I am, let’s go.” He motions for Jisung to go ahead, because he has absolutely no idea where they have to go. 

Jisung hesitates for a second, squinting at him, before shrugging and setting off. 

It turns out that Jisung lives right next to Jeno, Jaemin realizes as they turn into the street. It also turns out that Jisung is a little shit and Jaemin would have loved to give the brat a piece of his mind, but he gets the distinct feeling that whatever he has to say wouldn’t be what Jeno has to say, so he stays silent. 

In front of his doorway he goes to say goodbye, but Jisung beats him to it. 

“Are you alright? Feeling weird?” 

Jaemin blinks for a second, before shaking his head lightly. “I’m fine, I just have a bit of a headache.” 

“Okay.” Jisung says, squinting again. The moment is over as fast as it came, and suddenly the boy is already taking fast and huge strides away from him. “Well, see you around.” He calls over his shoulder, before he disappears behind a bush. 

Jaemin shrugs and makes his way to Jeno’s front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still pretty on track with updating at a reasonable pace and i have never felt this emotion.
> 
> ANYWAYS i hope you enjoyed that! i promise it will get actually exciting at some point! probably!!
> 
> if you have any questions, don't hesitate to leave them in the comments or on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lilaliacs)


	4. Chapter 4

“So, what’s up with you?” Yerim asks, the second she has Jaemin cornered in the school corridor. 

For a second, he thinks he somehow blew his cover, that he royally fucked up and now has to somehow explain to Yerim what exactly has been going on. But then he realises that, if anything, _Jeno_ royally fucked up, and if anything, Jeno should have to explain this. And before he can share any of these thoughts with her, Yerim continues: “I know I told you to be more truthful and direct about your feelings but I didn’t think you’d go from 0 to 100 like this.” 

“My...my feelings?”

“Yeah, your feelings. For Renjun. Keep up, will you?” Yerim rolls her eyes. 

“I don’t have feelings for Renjun.” Jaemin says, more muscle memory than anything else and not as much heat behind it as it usually would have. “What are you talking about?” 

“You don’t have to lie to me, honey. Renjun told us.” 

That’s when Jaemin slightly starts to panic. It’s clear that he missed something while he wasn’t here, that Jeno did something to cause this conversation. Apparently, that something included his non-existent feelings for Renjun. He has to think about the conversation he had with Yeri the morning after the first switch, also about him and Renjun, and has to force himself not to groan. If they are going to be stuck like this, living each others lives every other day, Jeno really has to stop whatever he’s doing. Jaemin really doesn’t need Yerim on his case more than she already is. 

“What did he tell you about, exactly?” He decides to ask, because he hates not knowing and at this point, it’s his best shot, as suspicious as it might seem. 

With another roll of her eyes Yerim replies: “That you told him how beautiful he was right after the two of you woke up, idiot. Which, might I mention, took place after the two of you slept the whole night cuddled up with each other. Fun minor detail there for you. You looked adorable, Chenle might have taken one or two pictures.” 

Jaemin shoves her arm lightly, when all he really wants to do is scream, and he’s not quite sure why. 

It’s probably because of the embarrassing situation, or because of the annoying way Yerim’s eyebrows are wiggling. 

It’s definitely _not_ the knowledge that Jeno, apparently, thinks that Renjun is beautiful. What Jaemin feels bubbling up is not jealousy, no matter how much it feels like it, it’s more bewilderment, he decides. He doesn’t even know Jeno, and Jeno doesn’t know him, and has only met Renjun twice and...And yet, he has had the guts to speak his mind. 

It’s not weird to think that Renjun is beautiful, he is, in every definition of the word, probably the most beautiful person Jaemin knows, and Jaemin has thought so since they met each other in the first grade. Back then, he used to tell Renjun that all the time, but as they got older he began to feel like the words had an implication that was more than he dared to say, so he stopped. He never stopped thinking that it was true though, that Renjun quite literally outshines everyone in every room he steps into, but he hasn’t told him that in a long time. It would get awkward, and Yerim would have a field day with it and that would be annoying, and Renjun would scrunch up his eyebrows in that way he sometimes does and―Jaemin wonders if he scrunched up his eyebrows like that when Jeno talked to him the morning before. 

He wonders if Jeno knows about the big, scary implication something like that has, and he wonders how, if he does, he could still say that to someone he only met twice when Jaemin can’t even say it after over ten years of friendship. 

“I was tired.” Jaemin tells Yerim, and he can’t really care for how defensive his voice sounds. He _is_ defensive, he needs these defenses, against Yerim’s prying, against his own thoughts and feelings even. 

“Sure you were.” She nods. “So that just slipped out, because your I’m Not In Love With Renjun filter wasn’t turned on yet.” 

Jaemin heaves a long suffering sigh. “What did Renjun say about it?” 

“Nothing much, he just thought it was weird. He was busy being worried about you and your headache.”

There’s three different reactions to that in Jaemin’s mind. 

At first, he notes that both him and Jeno had tried to cover up their slip-ups with the ever so generic excuse of a headache, and it’s sort of amusing, to think that they had faked the same thing while inhabiting each others bodies, something alike to law of attraction. 

Then there’s also the realisation that Renjun was worried about him, and it’s sort of comforting in a warm, fuzzy kind of way. 

Both of these things are overpowered by the fact that Renjun thinks Jeno’s comment was weird, that he thought it’s weird for Jaemin to compliment him, and it’s sort of hollow, to have confirmation for what he suspected all along. It’s the precise reason why even thoughts like that are dangerous and he wouldn’t let himself have those: Him and Renjun are friends, have always been and will always be, and to think like that, or talk like that, between friends, is weird. 

Jaemin doesn’t want _weird_ between him and Renjun, he wants what always has been.

“Yeah, well, my head feels better.” Jaemin grits out. “Can we go have lunch now?” 

Yerim narrows her eyes at him, but gives in nevertheless. It won’t be the last of it, Jaemin knows, but he really needs a breather from all the somersaults his mind just did around the topic of Renjun. 

A breather, apparently, comes in the form of Chenle throwing baby carrots at his head and demanding Jaemin helps with his sociology paper, and Jungeun glaring at him and forcing him to eat the rest of his carrots. Jaemin can’t really focus on any of this happening while he’s trying not to stare at Renjun next to Chenle, waiting for him to hint at what had apparently happened the morning before.

“The paper isn’t actually hard.” Hyejoo let’s Jaemin know as he sits down beside her. “Chenle is just lazy.” 

“You could help him with it, you know?” Renjun chips in from across the table. 

The sound of his voice makes Jaemin’s mind wanna do somersaults again, and he releases an internal string of curses, busying himself with the cap of his water bottle, while Hyejoo lists reasons as to why she absolutely won’t help Chenle with their sociology homework. 

Somehow, he manages to survive lunch like that, and the next two periods he both shares with Renjun, and the ride home in Jungeun’s car, with him, Hyejoo and Renjun cramped into the backseat while Jiwoo claimed the front seat. He manages to survive while his brain screams bloody murder, right up until the door to his room closes behind him. 

The first thing he sees is his planner, still opened to the same page it has been when he found it this morning. A name, a phone number, some sprawled words and a ridiculous smiley face, that seems to laugh at Jaemin as he collapses into his chair. 

“You did this.” He hisses at the red ink accusingly, before running a hand over his face. 

His finger itches slightly, to reach for his phone and call that number and tell Jeno just exactly what he did, to his face, maybe yell at him a bit, let off some steam. But after only two seconds, anxiety twists in his stomach and forces his fingers to still. 

When he woke up this morning, he had to force himself not to drop everything and immediately call Jeno, finally getting the chance to learn literally anything about this fucked-up situation, but his mother called him for breakfast then, and he had to get to school, and Yeri was already waiting for him in the car and he couldn’t just put his normal morning routine on hold for this boy he never actually met. 

And then Yeri cornered him at lunch, and Jaemin’s thoughts have been a mess ever since. He doesn’t think he can deal with the reality of the boy who he’s switched lives with twice now actually existing at the other end of a phone call. He’s probably going to lose his mind the exact second Jeno says something in that voice Jaemin has heard coming out of his own mouth before. It doesn’t sound entirely unappealing, as he thinks about it now. He won’t have to deal with mundane things like anxiety and Renjun anymore. 

A soft knock comes from the door, before it opens slowly. 

“Hi there.” His mother says before slipping into the room. 

As inconspicuously as possible, Jaemin closes the planner. There would be way too much to explain if his mother saw. “What’s up?” 

He knows what’s up, he has read Jeno’s little addition to his note, he has sat through breakfast with his mother talking and talking and talking about their dinner plans this week, and it would be a surprise to him if she _wouldn’t_ continue doing precisely that up until they’ll actually sit down for dinner on Wednesday. This morning alone she asked him about five times whether he changed his mind. 

At first, Jaemin was tempted to tell her that yes, something came up he forgot about, he promised Chenle to help with his homework, some other generic excuse he has probably repeated about a hundred times in the last three years. But his mother had that hopeful glint in her eyes she always has, and in his mind _”I’m sure it’ll be fun ^^”_ appeared in red ink, and he accepted his fate. 

“I just saw an ad for that movie you really liked as a kid, you know, the one with the little blue alien in Hawaii?” 

“Lilo & Stitch?” He asks and she nods enthusiastically. 

“Exactly! It’s on on Wednesday.” She explains, busying herself suddenly with smoothing down the edge of a photograph on Jaemin’s wall. “Isn’t that a funny coincidence?” 

He has to force himself not to breathe in a deep sigh. 

There it is, the reason why he has avoided this for all this time, and why he is dreading Wednesday and why he would _love_ to call Jeno right now just to yell at him.   
His mother has always been a creature of habit, she likes to have the same traditions, the same routines, for as long as she can make them work. It had taken a huge toll on a lot of the family traditions she had established, when Jaemin’s father had decided to get up and leave three years ago. He disappeared, save for an impersonal letter to Jaemin on his birthday and on christmas, and left a hole in the routine of their life. 

If afternoon telenovelas and the gossip he heard around school about their recently divorced history teacher had taught Jaemin anything, it was that fundamental changes like this usually took some getting-used-to. It took him what felt like a small eternity to get used to it, and he expected his mother to take a few eternities more, but she did the exact opposite. 

She didn’t change things. 

For years, she has been trying to follow the same routines, the same traditions that she’s followed before, simply manoeuvring around her husband’s absence where she could, brushing over the edges where she couldn’t. 

Jaemin oftentimes feels like his mother doesn’t give herself the chance to get over it because she simply doesn’t stop to let change happen, she actively works against it happening, so he has tried to _make_ her stop through multiple, small things in the past. He tried breaking his mother out of her cage of nostalgia and repetition by breaking out himself and it included things like the family dinner they used to have at least once a month. 

His dad would bring food with him from work, his mother would still prepare ten tons of snacks more than three people could stomach and they would all bundle up with blankets and pillows in the living room and watch whatever movie Jaemin had chosen. He can’t actually attempt to count how many times they had rewatched the exact movie his mother is talking about right now. 

_Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind._ His brain helpfully provides as he watches his mother still fuss about the photographs on his wall. 

None of them are of his father, he had allowed that change into his life and made his peace with it, as far as a teenage boy could. He knows that his mother hasn’t, but he also knows that she wants to. He can see it in the hopeful shine of her eyes when she talked about their plans this morning, and in the careful way she makes sure that he’s really okay with it. 

It makes Jaemin think that maybe it’s not the right thing to break out of old traditions, but to finally make them your own again. 

“We can only watch Lilo & Stitch if we have frozen yoghurt, though.” He says with a small smile into his mother’s direction. 

The beam she gives back erases any doubt about this being the right decision. 

_I’m sure it’ll be fun! ^^_ His brain flashes in red again, as his mother leaves his room. 

He feels much calmer than he did before when he opens his planner back up, gets out his phone and dials. 

✨ 

Jeno loves the fact that two of his friends have cars, because it always means second-hand car privileges for him, and last minute fast-food runs in a free period, if he or Donghyuck manage to be annoying enough. Mark and Yukhei’s driving skills are questionable at best, but you have to have priorities as a high school student in this world. 

He is currently occupied with kicking the back of the passenger seat of Mark’s shitty old Honda. He had gotten it for his 18th birthday last year, and somehow Donghyuck had convinced Mark to promise him eternal shotgun privilege for the rest of their lives, ultimately banning Jeno to the backseat to deal with Yukhei’s impossibly long limbs. As compensation, he gets a few kicks to the back whenever Jeno is bored. 

He’s just about to move the angle of his kicks further up, twisting in his seat in a way that is probably very dangerous, when Yukhei taps his arm. 

“How’s your head been?” He asks, when Jeno manages to twist back and face him. 

When he takes a second too long to reply, because _when has he last talked to Yukhei about his head?_ , Yukhei adds: “Johnny was really worried about you yesterday, you know? You shouldn’t go to practice if you’re feeling that bad.” 

The genuine worry on Yukhei’s face morphs into confusion when Jeno exclaims: “Oh, I see!” 

“What do you see?” 

What Jeno did see is, that he hadn’t talked to Yukhei about his head, Jaemin did, but he can’t tell Yukhei that, so he backtracks: “Uhh, I see, that ...That Johnny was worried. About yesterday. When my head hurt. But it’s okay, I’m okay, I’m better now!” He knocks against his own forehead, three times, as if to prove a point. “All better!” 

And Yukhei, bless his heart, just grins and nods. “I’m glad, it was so weird to watch how bad you fucked up the drills yesterday, you can do those in your sleep usually!” 

It’s just his luck, that the boy who lives in his body sometimes, has apparently never played soccer in his entire life, judging from the skill level that Yukhei describes on the drive over to the convenience store. 

As soon as they get out of the car, Donghyuck ropes them into whatever discussion he and Mark were having on the drive, and that’s that, no more suspicious comments about Jeno behaving weirdly, unlike the first time. Jeno wonders if Jaemin had been careful deliberately, if he understood already how freakishly perceptive Donghyuck, and how freakishly unperceptive Yukhei is. He admits that that’s kind of impressive. Then he thinks about how he has no idea how to behave in an inconspicuous way around Jaemin’s friends, how they probably have a million questions right about now after his stunt yesterday, that Jaemin probably hates his guts, and he immediately busies himself with the selection of energy drinks in front of him. 

It doesn’t work, his mind keeps circling back to this boy, this total stranger, and to his friends, also total strangers, and _Renjun_ ―

“Hey, buddy?” Donghyuck sidles up to him and the weight that he attaches himself to his arm with tells Jeno he wants something. 

He is glad for the distraction, and he can’t really say no to Donghyuck, so he just raises an eyebrow for him to go on. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know what Mark and Xuxi are getting me for my birthday?” Donghyuck sing-songs. Sing-songing is dangerous, sing-songing means he’s already tried asking normally several times, and surprisingly, Yukhei and Mark managed not to spill. It would make Jeno way more nervous than it does, if he actually knew the answer to Donghyuck’s question. Maybe Jaemin knows, something laughs bitterly in the back of his head, and he suffocates it with a pillow of ignorance, slowly and painfully. 

“I don’t happen to know that, sorry.” He gives back at Donghyuck, only for the younger’s brows to knit up. 

“Don’t lie to me. Yukhei said he told you yesterday.” 

Jeno only barely suppresses a laugh as the bitter thought comes back to life and announces it’s out for revenge with a twist to his stomach. So Jaemin _does_ know what Jeno’s best friends are giving his other best friend for his birthday, and Jeno doesn’t. A complete stranger has this intimate information about his life, has probably more intimate information about his life, has fucked up an entire soccer practice for him, and probably hates him on top of that because Jeno can’t manage to―

“C’mon, you know I hate surprises.” Donghyuck whines, putting more of his weight on Jeno’s arm. It’s meant to be annoying, but at this point it’s a necessary reality check for Jeno and probably the only thing keeping him from another full-blown panic-attack about this. He winds his other arm around Donghyuck’s, knotting them up complicatedly to make sure his friend doesn’t let go of him too early. 

“That’s a lie, you love surprises, and you love trying to make us break and tell you about them.” He states. 

That brings a pout to Donghyuck’s lips. “Damn you and your encyclopedic knowledge about me.” He huffs. “Just tell me this: Is it a good present?”

Jeno has no idea. For all he knows, Yukhei could have bought Donghyuck one of those nerdy DIY crystal growing sets. He throws a look over at him and Mark, deep in discussion about something on a shelf in front of them, and thinks out loud: “First of all, I don’t think the two of them would give you anything that they didn’t deem absolutely perfect, and second of all, I don’t think you would dislike anything they give you.” He focuses back on Donghyuck. “It’s a pretty safe system.”

He expects Donghyuck to roll his eyes and ask a million follow-up questions, that would eventually resume in blowing Jeno’s cover, and he’s surprised when neither happens. Donghyuck’s eyes are still on Yukhei and Mark in the next aisle, and all he says is: “Huh.”

It’s a loaded kind of sound, reserved for the rare moments Donghyuck doesn’t know what to say but still with all of the weight attached to it that an actual reply would have had. 

“What, ‘huh’?”

Donghyuck’s eyes snap back up to him and narrow. “Sometimes your brain works.” He replies, disentangles himself from him and bounds over to the other two, clinging onto Mark’s arm instead. 

Jeno shakes his head to himself, grabs a random can off the shelf and follows him, the twisting in his gut forgotten for the rest of the day. 

It comes back the second he is sitting at his desk, can of disgusting energy drink by his side and his economics homework open in front of him, when his phone starts ringing. 

_Unknown Number_ his phone helpfully supplies. The area code is that of a city about 5 hours from here. 

Jeno’s fingers shake when he answers the call, about as much as his voice when he says: “Hello?”

 _”Holy fuck.”_ is what he gets back, in a voice that shouldn’t be as familiar as it is, considering this is their first conversation. _“Holy―fucking shit.”_ Jaemin says again. 

“Hi.” Jeno says again, weakly, kind of dumbly, because he has absolutely no idea what else to do. 

_”It’s you.”_ Jaemin says on the other end. Then, after a pause: _”It _is_ you, right? This is not some sick prank?”_

“It’s not.” Jeno replies. “Is it?” He sounds way more desperate than he’d like. 

_“Are you asking me if I’m playing a prank on you as a reply to me asking you if you’re playing a prank on me?!”_

It’s way too confusing for how accusatory it sounds. “Uh―Yeah? I think?” Jeno stammers. 

He hears Jaemin sigh deeply on the other end. _”Doesn’t look like there’s any pranks being played, buddy.”_

“We’re buddies?” Jeno asks, before he can stop himself. He winces. 

_”You know what?”_ Jaemin says, with another huff. _”No. No we’re not buddies. We’re not even acquaintances. I don’t know you and yet this shit is happening and we―And you―And Renjun―”_ Jaemin’s voice loses a bit of its heat as he flounders in the end.

“Listen, I’m―I’m sorry if I messed things up for you.” Jeno hurries to get out, because if he waits a second longer, all the thoughts in his head will probably make it explode. “This is all really overwhelming, but it’s just as overwhelming for you and I probably didn’t make it any easier for you, so...Yeah, I’m really so―” 

_”Oh my god, can you stop apologising? I’ve been mad at you all day and I only just stopped being mad two minutes ago and now you’re making me feel all―...All―...”_

“All what?” Jeno prompts weakly. It’s clear that they both have no idea what they’re doing and need to vent whatever has been going on in their heads. Jeno has gotten out what he wanted to tell Jaemin, and now it’s Jaemin’s turn. But what Jeno gets is far from what he expected. 

_”I don’t know!”_ Jaemin exclaims, and it’s followed by a deep sigh and an even deeper silence. Then, quietly: _“Are you alright?”_

“What?” Jeno asks, mostly out of surprise and because he’s not sure he heard right. 

_“You said this is overwhelming, and it _is_ , so… are you alright? Did I make anything complicated for _you_?”_

“No”, Jeno says, maybe a tad bit too fast. Jaemin sounds almost devastatingly worried and Jeno hates it. “I mean, you’re really bad at soccer apparently, but that hardly matters Yukhei and my coach were just a bit worried. No biggie.” 

_”That’s good.”_ Jaemin replies and it’s far less heavy than before, as is the short peaceful silence that follows. 

Jeno thinks of something suddenly. “Hey, what are Mark and Yukhei giving Hyuck for his birthday?” He asks. “They all think I know, but, well…” He trails off as he hears slight snickering on the other end of the line. 

As Jaemin catches him up on his friends’ plans, his words are still jumbled up by a slight giggle, and Jeno thinks to himself that he could listen to it forever, probably. He dismisses the thought as suddenly as it appears. 

They end up talking about Jeno’s friends then, about some little knacks and facts that Jeno reckons Jaemin should know, and about Jaemin’s friends afterwards. 

The whole thing doesn’t seem so bad, curled up on his desk chair and listening to Jaemin recount that one time Yerim dyed Chenle’s hair bright purple. It doesn’t feel like two strangers coming up with emergency plans for eventual body-switching-catastrophes, Jeno thinks. If anything, he might as well be talking to an old friend he hasn’t met in a while, just catching up, that’s how easy it is to talk to Jaemin, to joke and laugh with him. 

It could be scary, he guesses, but then again this whole situation is pretty scary so maybe they deserve this small bubble of solace with each other when the other instances of their lives intersecting are so deeply unsettling. 

The call ends after what the clock on his bedside table tells him was four hours, when Jeno’s phone dies. He lays there in silence for a moment, the song Jaemin had played when the call cut off still stuck in his head. 

_“Renjun showed this to me last week.”_ He told Jeno, and the mention of Renjun’s name made something within Jeno tense. 

Jaemin didn’t bring up what exactly he thought about the mess Jeno made with Renjun, didn’t mention if it even is a mess, didn’t mention if Renjun said anything about it, didn’t ask any questions. And Jeno didn’t know how to bring it up, so they just hadn’t. 

Now he thinks they probably should have, but still can’t convince himself to do so as he plugs in his phone and turns it back on. 

It vibrates with a text message, and for a second he thinks that maybe Jaemin had the same thought, but when he opens it, it reads: _i think i’m cool with sharing my life with you, literally… good night xx_

It makes something warm settle in Jeno’s chest, something that calms him down and assures him that it’s okay to let things be for now. He could fix this, he’s sure of it, and from now on he’s going to try his best to not make even more of a mess. Jaemin trusts him, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this took so much longer than the last few chapters i really had to force myself to write this somehow rip 
> 
> i'll try to get the next chapter out before i leave to see my best friend next week, if i don't then you'll probably have to wait for next month and the only people you'll be able to blame are wanna one bc i'll be halfway across the globe to see them live. send your hate comments right to swing entertainments doorstep per carrier pigeon. 
> 
> i decided these nerds needed more female friends in their lives than just yerim so watch out for more random names being thrown in here and there. stan loona btw. 
> 
> i hope everyone's having a SPECTECULAR gemini season and pride month!!! ♡♡♡


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, i fell into the most annoying writers block hole after i came home from san jose askaksjlkadl
> 
> anyways! i'm back now and hopefully updates will come faster, fingers crossed!! 
> 
> enjoy <3

After their phone call, they switched twice more and Jeno is pretty sure he did a spectacular job compared to the other times. Jaemin hasn’t complained yet, anyways. 

_He still has plenty of time to do that._ a voice in his head says. _It’s only 8AM._

With a small wince he admits to himself, that maybe, yesterday, he didn’t do as good of a job as he could have. 

“Earth to Jeno.” A hand is being waved in front of his face and when he checks, it’s attached to an annoyed looking Donghyuck. “We’re going shopping.” He informs him. 

“But we have math class.” Jeno replies, absentmindedly as he opens his locker. He still catches Donghyuck’s deep sigh. 

“ _After_ school, genius. You would know that if you listened to me for once in your life, we made a whole plan yesterday.” 

And oh, yes, Jaemin texted him about that, actually. It’s really weird to basically receive texts by yourself, he had thought the first few times Jaemin’s phone had chimed, but he got used to it fairly quickly. 

“I’m tired, Hyuck.” He whines in his defense. 

Donghyuck’s face softens by a fraction. “Are you getting enough sleep?” He inquires. “Because if not, I’m banning you from shopping and putting you on nap-duty.” His eyes narrow, as if the prospect of a nap is one of the worst threats he could have thrown at Jeno. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry. I’ll be there.” He throws him his most convincing beam and Donghyuck frowns. 

Jeno is uncomfortably reminded of another situation yesterday, that he hadn’t been able to even attempt to solve with a wide beam. 

It’s stressful, honestly, having to deal with another person’s classes on top of one’s own, even if both were more or less half-time. Jaemin takes AP History. Who does that? 

Looking at it like this, it was Jaemin’s fault for being a nerd, Jeno thinks as he follows Donghyuck into their math class. If Jaemin never took AP History, Jeno wouldn’t have been so overwhelmed, and if Jeno wouldn’t have been overwhelmed, he wouldn’t have- 

“Mr. Lee, I’m sure you’d love to explain the problems you did for homework to the class?” His math teacher drones and that’s that. Jeno is overwhelmed and he can’t even blame it on Jaemin, or Jaemin’s mother, or Renjun, just on the author of his math textbook. 

“Causality doesn’t equal blame.” Mark says importantly when Jeno complains about said author an hour later on their way to PE. “It’s not the poor man’s fault that you’re incapable of trigonometry, Jeno.” 

“And it’s not my fault that you’re an annoying know-it-all, yet I’m still suffering for it.” Donghyuck sighs. “How does your logic explain this, Mark?” 

“You voluntarily hang out with him.” Yukhei throws in. “You could just not do that.” 

Donghyuck narrows his eyes at him, then at Mark, and then at Jeno for good measure. “I despise all of you.” He announces, and hurries ahead of them into the gym. 

“We should remind him about that the next time he wants one of us to give him a ride home.” Yukhei muses, and Mark smiles and rolls his eyes.

PE is as uneventful as it always has been. Coach Nakamoto has been their teacher for barely a year, coming to their school straight out of university, yet he has the work ethic of someone 30 years and four divorces into their educational career, as to say, none. Jeno has finished about one and a fourth lazy rounds around the court when he gives up pretending to actually work out and turns to the bleachers to sit down with Donghyuck, Mark and Heejin, but is stopped by a tap on his arm. 

“Hey Jeno, can I ask you something?” Chaewon asks as he turns around. “Heads up: it’s kind of weird.” 

Jeno raises his eyebrows. “Shoot.” 

“So my family has this thing on Saturday, right before Hyuck’s party actually. It’s a fancy lunch meet-up at my grandma’s house, right? So on the off-chance you feel like hanging out with a bunch of obnoxious rich suburban couples, I wanted to ask you to come with me, becau-” 

“Wait.” Jeno interrupts her. 

His inner monologue at that point is a whole mess. _She’s asking you on a date!_ yells one part. _lunch with her entire extended family really doesn’t sound like a date_ another, _Back in fifth grade you would have already said yes!_ a third, and a particularly helpful one supplies: _There’ll be free food!_

The biggest, loudest, most obnoxious part though is busy yelling in panic and throwing around pictures like confetti that all appear in Jeno’s mind in quick succession. First it’s him and Chaewon, on a date, which he had spent several fifth grade art classes daydreaming about. He isn’t in fifth grade anymore, had been over that brief phase as soon as Yukhei came around in 6th grade, but the thought should still not be as panic inducing as it is, he reasons with himself. 

But it is, and the yelling part of his brain provides him with the reason for his panic with the next few thoughts. 

It’s Renjun’s smile when he first met him, Renjun’s sleeping face that morning at Yerim’s house, the small flower on Jaemin’s nail, Renjun’s favourite song that Jaemin played for him, Renjun’s look of surprise yesterday when Jeno--

“I can’t go out with you.” He blurts. 

Chaewon blinks at him. Jeno blinks back. A part of his brain is still yelling. Another is sulking because he denied free food. Chaewon is still blinking. 

“I have a girlfriend, Jeno.” She says. 

The yelling stops for a second. 

“O-oh.” 

Chaewon laughs. “My family doesn’t know this though and I really want them off my case.” She continues. “Which is why I wanted to ask you to join me and do your ‘Hi I’m the perfect son-in-law and your granddaughter is definitely straight’ thing.” 

“Is that a thing I do?” Jeno asks dumbly and she rolls her eyes. 

“No, but you give off the vibes that you could, and you’re always single.” 

“Oh.” Jeno says again, with a slow nod. “Okay, gotcha.” 

“I would have explained all of this to you if you had let me finish.” Chaewon tells him, then it seems like something dawned on her. “Wait.” She says and the way she draws out the vowels is worrisome. “ _Are_ you single? Because you seemed very decisive about not going out with me…” She trails off, her eyebrows already raised in amused anticipation. 

“I am.” Jeno replies. “I just, uh-...” He searches his brain for possible reasons for the hypothetical rejection there had been no need for, and all it supplies is the same diashow of memories from before. 

Chaewon lets out a small gasp. “Jeno!” 

“Hm?” The noise sounds more pained than he would like. 

“Do you have a _crush_?” She whispers, but it might as well have been a shout. It’s this close to drowning out the yelling in Jeno’s head. 

“Uhm. No.” He gives back and he hates that it sounds more like a question than an answer. 

Chaewon hears it too, the unsaid question, and the conspiratorial smile on her face grows wider. “Oh, I see.” She says and Jeno wishes she would tell him what she sees because he is staring at a figurative wall of question marks. 

“I can still help you out on Saturday.” He hurries to throw in, hoping that it’ll make her stop looking at him like she knows something he should too. 

“Nice!” Her smile becomes somewhat teasing. “But this is _not_ over, Lee. Expect a whole 5 page quiz on this crush you definitely have while we pretend to be straight on the weekend.” And with a wink she bounds off to where Yukhei and Hyunjin are attempting to actually play some kind of sport. It might be a very inaccurate version of volleyball, but Jeno doesn’t stay around long enough to make sure. 

He turns on his heel and leaves through the door that leads to the soccer field instead of joining the others on the bleachers. 

This is ridiculous, he thinks, and totally not a situation he ever would have imagined to be in. A friend, not even a very close one, just someone he chats with in class sometimes, has had a harmless crush on in middle school, is now convinced he likes someone, all because he couldn’t shut his brain up as it was yelling about a total stranger, someone he has only met while inhabiting someone else's body-- Jeno stops walking abruptly, turns, and slams his head against the wall with way more force than would have been healthy. 

It stings, and for a second it takes his mind off things, just long enough for Yukhei to lean out of the gym doors, ask if he’s okay, tell him that Mr. Nakamoto wants them all back inside in a minute. 

“Where’s that bruise from?” Donghyuck asks a while later, when they have abandoned school grounds to shop for party essentials. 

“I fell.” Jeno replies automatically, suddenly very interested in a display of canned pineapple. 

“We don’t need any pineapple.” Donghyuck reminds him, waving around a shopping list. “When did you fall?” 

“In PE.” 

“After, or before you flirted with Park Chaewon?” Yukhei inquires. 

It elicits a loud gasp from Donghyuck, an interested raise of both of Mark’s eyebrows and when Jeno turns to look at Yukhei, he has the audacity to grin. 

“I wasn’t flirting with her.” 

“She _winked_ at you when she left, dude.” 

Again, Donghyuck gasps, and Mark’s eyebrows go impossibly higher. 

“You don’t have to lie to us, we’re you’re friends!” Yukhei continues. “I know all about fifth grade art class you know, I’m all updated about that crush you have-” 

“Had.” Jeno corrects. “I had that crush in fifth grade, this is not fifth grade.” 

Yukhei starts to reply something, but Jeno cuts him off by adding: “She has a girlfriend.” 

Donghyuck stops gasping, and Mark’s eyebrows go back to where they were originally placed on his forehead. “That would have explained some things though.” 

“What- What things?” Jeno asks. 

“You’re kinda weird at the moment.” Donghyuck replies from where he’s inspecting the selection of water melons. 

Jeno’s mind starts yelling again. He thinks about how in the course of their friendship, Donghyuck almost always managed to know about Jeno’s crushes before Jeno himself, how he told him once that he had certain _things_ he does when he likes someone. 

He has never found out what exactly that entailed, so he wouldn’t know how to avoid it. Has he done anything of the sorts? Is he really that unsubtle? 

_For you to be unsubtle,_ his brain supplies, _You would need to have feelings for someone to begin with._

And he supposes his brain has a point, right there in the grocery store’s fruit aisle. There is no need to panic. So why is his heart rate not going down? 

“You’re oddly quiet sometimes. And forgetful, more than usual. And these last few days you’ve been texting a lot, and I really don’t know who you would be texting, if not any of us.” Donghyuck lists off. 

“I have other friends.” Jeno defends himself. 

Of course, who Donghyuck is unknowingly referring to, is not one of Jeno’s ‘other friends’, not quite. Jeno really doesn’t know if he can call what he and Jaemin have friendship. Sure, he would like to, but it would be very sad if Jaemin won’t feel the same. In any case, he can’t really explain to Donghyuck that Jaemin isn’t someone on the soccer team, or from his chemistry class. 

A bit late, he realizes that what he worried were signs of a (non-existent) crush, is nothing more than Jaemin being unsure about how to go about being Jeno. He probably should have suspected that earlier, but once Jeno’s brain starts screaming it’s very hard to make it stop, he has learned the hard way. 

“Anyways, losers, we need to focus on the important things in life, like enough chips in this shopping cart to feed a small army.” Donghyuck claps his hands together once. “We can worry about Jeno and his potential crush later, knowing him he’ll slip up an tell us about it in 2-3 business days.” He grins at Jeno. “You suck at keeping things to yourself.” 

Jeno would object, but then he thinks about that conversation he had with Renjun yesterday, and he stays silent. 

He mulls about it while Yukhei and Donghyuck discuss the correct choice of party streamers, and he mulls on the way home in Mark’s car, and he mulls as he tells Jisung he’s tired and doesn’t want to help him water his mom’s plants. 

Objectively, he knows what a crush feels like. But he can’t reconcile the mental image of Renjun smiling at him with that feeling, for several different reasons. 

For one, he barely knows Renjun. Sometimes, he forgets, because Jaemin has told him so many random facts and details about Renjun, and about himself in the past few days that it feels like he’s known both of them for years. He knows that Renjun’s favourite colour is yellow, and he knows what cartoons he likes to watch, yet he doesn’t know _him_. 

Two, Renjun doesn’t know Jeno, either. Every smile he has thrown him, every comment and joke, is meant for Jaemin. Renjun doesn’t even know Jeno exists. He tries to ignore the way his heart clenches and focuses on the matter at hand. 

Three, Jaemin and Renjun are friends, and Jeno would like to think of Jaemin as his friend too. Ruining your friends’ friendships by not being subtle about what might be a crush while inhabiting their body surely must go against the basic rules of friendship. He hates the thought of making Jaemin uncomfortable, or upset and every time his thoughts stray to Renjun for too long, he hears Jaemin’s exasperated voice from their first phone call. _”And you- And _Renjun-_...”_

And anyways, everything Donghyuck mentioned, that is apparently part of Jeno having a crush, is just him trying to deal with this whole Jaemin-situation. He doesn’t have a crush, he can’t have one, and he won’t. 

His phone rings right next to where his head is resting on his desk, and he jumps even before his heart starts to pick up speed at the name on the display.

_Jaemin_  


✨

Jaemin can sense that something is off the second he steps into the kitchen after he gets home from school. He can read his mother like an open book and the page it’s flipping to right now is full of awkward tension. He can see her try to avoid the subject before either of them even say anything, so he asks: “You okay?” 

“I…” She starts, clearly not having expected the question. “Yeah! Are you okay?” 

“Sure.” He replies easily, putting his bag down and sitting across from her. He goes to turn an imploring look on her, to let her know that he’s not done with his interrogation yet, and is surprised to find a similar look already on her face. 

“Are you sure?” She asks. “Better than yesterday?” 

Oh, Jaemin thinks. He is definitely missing some info here. Now that he thinks about it, Jeno’s updates were really sparse the day before. He thought that there simply hadn’t been anything going on but maybe that isn’t entirely true. 

He dismisses the voice in his head lamenting about how Jeno still doesn’t trust him enough, how he shouldn’t trust Jeno as much as he does either, in favour of focusing back on his mother. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry for worrying you.” He adds the last part carefully, not sure if he should entertain this conversation at all, with as little information he has. 

“Okay.” His mother nods slowly. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, though, I’m here. You know that, right?” 

“Of course.” He replies and he’s not quite sure how he manages to shake her off completely but a few awkward excuses later he closes his bedroom door behind him. 

Jaemin can’t quite pinpoint the feeling coiling up in his chest. There’s remnants of that voice there, disappointment, even though he knows it shouldn’t be there. It’s persistent, even if it’s drowned out by something else, something that feels a lot like worry. 

It’s not like Jaemin wouldn’t recognize worry when he feels it, he’s been worried a lot in his life, it would be like greeting an old annoying friend, but this is not quite it. It feels different somehow, stickier, heavier. 

Jaemin’s mother is a wonderful woman, kind and warm, but one thing she isn’t is perceptive. Jaemin has learned in his years of being her son that he needs to wear his feelings on his sleeve if he wants her to acknowledge them, and that it’s easy to hide things from her if he sees it fit. In his short time of knowing Jeno, he has learned that the boy does wear all of his feeling on his sleeve, concerningly much so, but for Jaemin’s mother to get as worried as she was after just one afternoon is still alarming. 

Something has to be off, and it pains Jaemin to know that yet not being able to confront Jeno directly. The desire to help mixes in with the worry in his chest, but the small voice gathers all it’s force together to plant more doubt just as he goes to reach for his phone. 

Jeno hasn’t talked to him about this, merely kept to the most superficial updates about yesterday, when they had agreed to go into as much detail as possible, to make things easier. This has to count for something, has to mean that Jeno doesn’t want to talk about it, maybe that he doesn’t want Jaemin specifically to know. Surely he doesn’t want Jaemin’s help, when he has a full set of actual friends in his immediate proximity, that he definitely likes more than he likes Jaemin, that he definitely trusts more than he trusts Jaemin, and for Jaemin to even want to help was imposing, would be annoying, would be-- 

Jaemin shakes his head vehemently, mentally flips his intrusive thoughts off, and dials. 

It doesn’t take long for Jeno to pick up and Jaemin decides to take that as a good sign. 

_“Everything alright?”_ Jeno asks, and there’s a slight apprehension in his words and in the way they come out not quite sure. 

“I don’t know, is it?” Jaemin throws back. He wants to bang his head on the table with how insensitive it sounds. 

_”Wh-What do you mean?”_

“I mean are _you_ alright?” 

There’s a few seconds of silence, and Jaemin’s mind starts coming up with terrible theories again, all of them telling him that Jeno probably hates him, before Jeno replies: _“Why wouldn’t I be?”_

“My mom seems really worried about you.” Jaemin explains. “Well, she seems worried about me, but the last time I talked to her was two days ago…” He trails off, knowing he doesn’t have to explain more to Jeno. 

It’s quiet for another few moments before he catches Jeno barely whispering: _“Sorry.”_

“You don’t need to apologize.” Jaemin hurries to say. “I can handle this, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

As he says it he realizes that this isn’t the first time Jeno has acted somehow peculiar when he was alone with Jaemin’s mother. The first time he hadn’t hesitated to make dinner plans with her after all, yet somehow this seems to mirror the first time they met, kind of like the opposite end of a scale. 

“Is it something about my mom?” Jaemin adds. “She can be quite a handful, but she means well, I swear. And you can tell her to leave you space, she won’t get upset about it, just if-” 

_“It’s not about her.”_ Jeno interrupts him. _”Not exactly. She- She’s cool, it’s just-”_ Jaemin hears him blow out a long breath and is about to assure him that he doesn’t _has_ to tell him anything if he doesn’t want to, but Jeno is already talking again: _“You know how I live with my grandma?”_

Jaemin hums out a confirmation. Jeno’s grandmother has to be one of the most memorable elderly ladies he has encountered in his entire life, a tiny woman of maybe 70 years who runs a small convenience store in their town, knows everyone by their first name and somehow has ten new stories about everyone to gossip about every time Jaemin has met her. She also has a bellowing laugh that Jaemin has heard in Jeno’s room from her shop all the way down the street and bakes cookies with some kind of secret drug, he’s sure of it. Jeno has told him that his grandmother rarely gets angry, and Jaemin can’t really imagine it, but apparently it’s scarring for life when it does happen. 

_“Well, she’s been taking care of me since I was really small, about 2 or 3, because my parents died in a car-crash.”_ Jeno explains, and he says it as if he’s talking about how it rained last week. 

“Oh, that’s terrible Jeno, I didn’t-” 

_”That’s not my point though. I’m not particularly hung up on it, it was a really long time ago and I barely knew them. And my grandma is amazing, she’s done a pretty good job raising me, and I had Hyuck and Mark, and their parents, so really, I’m 100% fine on that front.”_ Another long breath. _”Just, sometimes-- I never really had a mom, you know? And Jisoo, is just-- She’s _such_ a mom and, I don’t know, yesterday I kind of wasn’t prepared for her to do all the things she does, like, she offered to help with my- your homework and she gave me a really unexpected hug and-- I’m sorry, I’m not making any sense and this makes me sound like a horrible person, I just got really overwhelmed really quickly and kind of threw her out of your room. I should’ve told you about that, I’m sure that made things really awkward I’m-”_

“Jeno, shut up for a second.” Jaemin cuts in. He’s nearly surprised when Jeno really does stop his rambling. 

“It’s okay.” Is the next thing Jaemin tells him, because he feels like it’s important that Jeno knows, and then: “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, and you _are_ making sense.” 

It stays quiet on the other end of the line, so Jaemin continues: “I wondered why you lived with your parents, but I never asked because I didn’t want to impose, or something… I’m glad you told me about this, even though we aren’t really friends, we haven’t even known each other long and-- You know, this whole situation… Anyways, I’m glad that you told me and it’s okay, you don’t need to feel bad.” He thinks for a second, his mother’s voice echoing in his mind together with the remnants of the worry in his chest. “And if you ever have anything you want to talk about, I’m here.” 

Again, he wants to slam his head down with how unsure it comes out, with how much of his feelings seep into his voice. It’s embarrassing, but Jaemin thinks it would have beat him up all day if he hadn’t let Jeno know. 

He isn’t as worried anymore, now that he knows what’s going on, but his chest still feels heavy with a lot of emotions he can’t place. What he does know is that he is infinitely grateful for Jeno’s grandma, and for Donghyuck and Mark and their families, and he has to agree that all of them have done an amazing job at making Jeno who he is today. He knows he’d never tell Jeno about these thoughts, because that would be humiliating, but he hopes that somehow he can help, that he can be there for Jeno like that too, that he can do whatever is in his might so Jeno won’t ever feel lost and overwhelmed like he did yesterday. 

It’s protectiveness, he decides, and shortly he wonders how he managed to grow so fond of this boy he barely knows, but then Jeno mumbles out a small _Thank you._ and laughs a quiet, shaky laugh, and Jaemin’s heart clenches, and he thinks that there’s no way that one could get to know Jeno and not want to make sure he would always have a reason to laugh. 

It’s a weird thought to have, he muses as they say their goodbyes and end the call. Faintly he hears the doorbell ring. His mother will get it, probably. 

He stares at his phone screen for a few seconds, at the ridiculously long string of emojis Jeno had put behind his name, seemingly at random, and decides that some things just happen and you shouldn’t worry about them, just as little as he should worry about the peculiar choice of three different coloured heart emojis intersected by a dragon, a dinosaur and an ice cream cone. 

The door to his room opens without warning, a clear sign that it’s not his mother. 

“Hey there.” Renjun announces and throws his bag to the floor unceremoniously. He follows it, sitting on the floor with crossed legs and looks up at Jaemin with expectant eyes. 

“What’s up?” He asks. 

“I’m bored.” Renjun informs him, the look on his face unchanging. 

“Congratulations, I have homework.” 

“That’s just because you procrastinated until I showed up, so it’s not my fault.” 

“If you’re that bored, you could just do my homework for me.” Jaemin suggests with a grin. 

Renjun’s face coils up in disgust. “I will not do any work for Song’s AP history class out of my own free will.” He tells Jaemin seriously. “And neither will you.” 

“And why’s that?” Jaemin asks, but he’s already made his peace with the fact that he won’t be doing his homework any time soon. Miss Song will just have to deal with that, he has a Renjun to annoy. 

“Because now I have graced you with my presence.” Renjun drops the serious tone of voice for something a bit more akin to a whine. “Entertain me. What were you doing before I showed up?” 

“Nothing, really.” Jaemin lies, because he still doesn’t know how to explain Jeno’s existence to his best friend, even though he probably should. 

“Wanna go get smoothies at that pretentious shop you like?” He adds, more or less a distraction. 

Renjun’s eyes light up when he says it and Jaemin is already getting up and grabbing Renjun’s bag for him before he gets a reply. 

Jaemin clowns Renjun’s choice of hang-out spots, and he does so a lot, but at the end of the day even he has to admit that whatever they put into the smoothies at this place has to be some kind of witchcraft. Maybe it’s the same secret ingredient Jeno’s grandma puts in her cookies. 

“It doesn’t make sense.” He huffs, not for the first time in the last few months. “I don’t even like strawberries. Yet, this?” He holds up the beverage in question. “Is the best thing I ever had.” Defiantly, he takes another sip. 

Renjun laughs at him in that special way that is reserved for inside jokes like this, definitely one of Jaemin’s top three Renjun-laughs. It nearly beats Renjun’s laugh when it’s the middle of the night and they watch cartoons and he sleepily giggles about dumb puns, only barely loses to the one when Renjun tells him a funny story and starts laughing before he even gets to the punchline. 

He’s too caught up in reminiscing about this to catch the moment when Renjun’s face turns serious. “You know what we talked about yesterday?” 

Jaemin does know that Jeno probably talked to Renjun yesterday in school, but he’s not aware of the fact that there’s been any important conversations. Nevertheless he nods, prompting Renjun to go on. 

“This” Renjun gestures around them, “Would be one of those dates I was talking about.” 

As much as Jaemin has praised the smoothie in his hand, it’s still nearly the cause of his death when he accidentally chokes on it. 

It takes the combined forces of him coughing his lungs out, Renjun hitting on his back and the borderline judgemental look of the barista for Jaemin to be able to breathe normally. 

“Yeah, just watch as I die in the middle of your smoothie making business, Jungwoo, no need to offer your help, thank you so much.” He rasps in the direction of the counter as soon as he can. 

Jungwoo sends him a wide smile, announces that he’s gonna get him a glass of water and saunters out of the room, leaving Jaemin alone with Renjun and the knowledge that he and Jeno apparently talked about dates yesterday. Asshole. 

“You good?” Renjun asks, and Jaemin only realises now that his hand is still resting on his back. 

“Uh, yeah, Yeah I’m fine. What were you saying?” Maybe he’d get more info like this. 

“Oh, I just meant that, when I was complaining about how I had a whole list of dates I want to go on yesterday, from when I was 14, but still nobody to take me out on them, this is one of them. The classic, you know?” 

Jaemin nods quickly, not wanting to say anything to interrupt Renjun and not trusting his voice to function. 

“By the way, since you said you would: You’re paying or this.” Renjun grins and graciously swirls his straw around in his drink. 

“I said what now?” 

“You’re so forgetful these days.” Renjun shakes his head. “I complained about no one wanting to take me out on all these dates, you said you would, ergo, you’re paying for this. Oh, thank you, Jungwoo.” 

As Jungwoo puts the glass of water -adorned with a ridiculous cocktail umbrella- down in front of him, Jaemin’s mind is reeling. 

Jeno has told Renjun through Jaemin that he would take him out on a date. Renjun thinks that Jaemin said he would take him out on a date. He’s pretty sure he has told Jeno about the predicament things like this could bring him in. He’s pretty sure Jeno understood the implications of something as obvious as that. And yet he went out and said that, let Renjun believe Jaemin said that. 

It’s not that it’s a lie, and it’s not like he won’t pay for Renjun’s drink, and it’s not like he’s gonna risk bringing this up ever again, to either of them because he doesn’t want to remind Renjun and it apparently has no use to remind Jeno.

But in his mind, a plan is forming. 

Yes, he might be protective of Jeno, and, yes, he might have promised himself to do anything to make sure Jeno is happy, only a few hours ago. 

But this is a whole different story, a whole different part of the huge confusing game they are involuntarily part of, and two can play it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for loona for providing me with secondary characters and thanks to you all for reading!! 
> 
> for any questions etc, you can find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lilaliacs) or leave me a [cc](http://www.couriouscat.me/fullstar) <33


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this time on Yes, Jeno And Jaemin Have Another Conflict That They Resolve Vaguely And Then Hint At They're Feelings, But When Will The Plot Progress
> 
> all i can say is i'm sorry and i have no idea what i'm doing 98% of the time
> 
> enjoy <3

Jaemin really doesn’t know how he ended up here. When he woke up this fine Saturday morning, in Jeno’s room, he was prepared for Donghyuck’s birthday party in the evening, and no socializing beyond that. Yet, only half an hour after breakfast, he got a text from Jeno’s classmate Chaewon, who was apparently picking him up ten minutes from then and he hadn’t really been able to argue when she showed up, blabbering about her grandma and her great cousin thrice removed and ushered him into a car.

And now he’s sitting in a living room that looks like it cost more than Jaemin’s entire apartment and Chaewon is clinging to his arm while laughing slightly too loud when her uncle, or her grandfather, or her great aunt’s third husband, or _whoever it is_ makes a joke. 

Jeno had failed to inform him about several things lately, and apparently these things aren’t limited to mental breakdowns and Renjun, they also include Jeno’s girlfriend. It’s weird, Jaemin thinks. He’s sure Jeno would have mentioned something as essential as a relationship at one point. Not only that, Jaemin also can’t help but think about what he’d assumed to be very obvious feelings for Renjun on Jeno’s part-- But apparently, Jeno isn’t even gay. 

Jaemin’s brain isn’t quite able to keep up with all these new developments, can’t quite come up with an alternative explanation for all the things Jeno has done around Renjun, but he’s sure there has to be one. Maybe he should just confront him about it. He doesn’t really have a reason to go through with his elaborate genius plan anymore now, he might as well just call Jeno and talk things through. Renjun would be proud of him, he thinks with a small, bitter smile, communicating, about emotions, with other people. Too bad he can’t tell Renjun about this. 

“So, Jeno.” A woman seated across from him and Chaewon in a huge armchair says. Jaemin hadn’t realized her sitting down there. Maybe she’d been sitting there since they came in, it’s not like Jaemin is mentally present enough to note such things. “Chaewon says you go to school together?” 

“Uh, yeah.” Jaemin replies, instinctively sitting up straighter. Something about the woman’s tight braid and glasses intimidates him. “Yeah, we do.” 

“So you’ll be graduating next year. What are you planning to do afterwards?” 

If this didn’t feel like a situation where he could do anything but, Jaemin would laugh out loud. He doesn’t even know what he’s gonna do with his own life after school, why would he know what Jeno is planning? Jeno didn’t even tell him about his girlfriend, after all. 

The thing is, Jaemin assumes that whatever it is Jeno is planning on doing, he probably told _Chaewon_ about it, so she would notice if Jaemin just said whatever. Yet he can’t really _not_ answer. The woman is still looking at him expectantly. 

And who cares if Chaewon notices anyways? Certainly not Jaemin. Jeno didn’t want to tell Jaemin about her existence, so he can deal with her on his own too. Jaemin doesn’t owe him anything. 

But before he can open his mouth and say the first ridiculous thing that comes to his mind (he was leaning towards a career in illegal street art, that sounds like something this woman in her pristine armchair would love to hear), Chaewon speaks up: “Grandma, why do you keep asking that whenever you meet someone my age? There’s other things to talk about. Like… Like the food here. The food is excellent. Jeno, let’s go get food.” 

And with that she pulls Jaemin out of his seat with much more force than he expected her to have and away from his petty little ploy of revenge. A bummer. 

“Sorry about that. She’s insufferable.” Chaewon mutters under her breath when they’re out of earshot. She still hasn’t let go of Jaemin’s arm. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He gives back, trying to pull free from her grip when they reach the buffet. Jaemin doesn’t think he could pronounce half the things on it if he tried. 

“Don’t even try to avoid this.” Chaewon hisses, and instead of letting him go, she pulls him out of the room and onto the back patio of the building. It’s a little too warm to be enjoyable, and most guests seem to prefer the inside of the house, where there’s an AC and iced drinks at any corner. Not many people are out here, which doesn’t exactly bother Jaemin, he’d just rather not be in an all too private place with Jeno’s girlfriend.

 _They must know a thing or two about private places._ A voice in his head says. Jaemin supposes it’s right. Jeno and Chaewon are most likely dating secretly. He can’t imagine Jeno’s friends knowing about this and not talking about it even once when Jaemin was here. 

They sit down on a porch swing, one of those that Jaemin’s mother always wanted to have, and for a few seconds it’s silent. Jaemin thinks that might be it, maybe Chaewon just wanted some peace and quiet from her family, but then he realizes that she’s looking at him expectantly and, frankly, he has no idea what she expects him to do. He really, really doesn’t want to make out with Chaewon at the back porch of her grandmother’s mansion, for a multitude of reasons. 

On the other hand, it will probably be very suspicious, if he doesn’t. 

_You don’t owe Jeno anything here._ the voice reminds him. _He didn’t even think it necessary to tell you about her._

And Jaemin agrees, he does, but slowly, the voice is starting to grate on his nerves. He does feel annoyed, betrayed maybe, but mostly he really doesn’t feel like thinking about it too much. The more his inner monologue repeats the fact that Jeno has a girlfriend, one that clings to his arm at family functions, the weirder he feels. It’s similar to the hollow and slow kind of plunge in his stomach whenever he’d been reminded of Jeno and Renjun, just a hundred times worse, and he can’t really explain why. 

“Jeno.” Chaewon tries to get his attention and, oh, to hell with it, he doesn’t want to get Jeno into any trouble right now. He might as well just play along and confront him about it later. 

“Yes, babe?” He replies with what he hopes is a bright and disarming smile. He has never seen Jeno smile at him, but he bets it would be bright and disarming. 

Chaewon doesn’t look charmed or even slightly put off. She laughs. 

“It’s fine, no one is out here, you can drop it.” 

Jaemin blinks at her but she already turned to look at the wide expanse of botanical masterpieces in front of them. “We’re doing a pretty good job, by the way. My grandma is totally buying it. I didn’t know you were that good of an actor.” She punches his arm once, not lightly, not at all romantically, and Jaemin is more confused than he has ever been on a switch. He thinks this might even top the very first morning. 

“Anyways, even though you’re good, your pokerface isn’t perfect.” Chaewon grins. “I know about your little crush, after all.” 

Slowly puzzlepieces are starting to align in his head. This is not Jeno’s girlfriend. This is not a date. Jeno doesn’t have a girlfriend. He has a crush. 

And Jaemin is pretty sure he knows the answer to Chaewon’s next question, said with a terrifying wiggle of her eyebrows in a terrible stage whisper: “So, who is it?” 

_The petty revenge plan is back on_ an oddly cheerful voice in his head pipes up as he tries to think of an appropriate reply. Jaemin probably shouldn’t go around and chat to someone about Jeno’s lovelife without Jeno’s okay, especially if he never even outright told Jaemin anything about this lovelife. 

“You don’t know him.” Jaemin mumbles, still half in thought. It’ not even a lie, Chaewon doesn’t know Renjun exists, she also doesn’t know Jaemin exists, Jaemin could just invent someone and apologize to Jeno later--

“It’s a boy?” Chaewon asks, and Jaemin goes rigid. He also shouldn’t go around talking to people about Jeno’s sexuality. 

But Chaewon doesn’t leave him time to panic. “Nice.” She nods. “Tell me about him then, if I don’t know him.” 

And, well, Jaemin is already here and if there’s one thing he knows how to do it’s talk about Renjun. So he talks. 

“He’s an artist. He never actually lets people look at his stuff but sometimes I annoy him into showing it to me, and he’s really good. Like, crazy good, I can’t even describe it, it’s fascinating. And when he draws, you can actually tell how good he is, you don’t even have to see what he’s doing, you can just see it in his face how much he puts into it.” 

“Did he ever draw you?” 

Jaemin shakes his head. Renjun certainly never drew Jeno, and Jaemin sometimes thinks he might be drawing him, when they’re sitting in his garden and Renjun is sketching and stealing looks at him ever so often, but Renjun has never let him see any of those pieces. 

“He likes to draw strangers.” He tells Chaewon. “Sometimes he’ll make me sit with him in a busy café and describe people to him and he’ll draw them from what I tell him…” He trails off at one of countless memories of Renjun sitting in the soft yellow light of a café downtown, worrying his lip between his teeth and a concentrated furrow to his brow as the air is filled with chatter and the smell of coffee. 

Maybe he should describe Jeno to him the next time. 

“So, are you gonna tell him?” 

Chaewon’s voice pulls him out of the soft yellow memory. 

“Tell him what?” He asks, and she rolls her eyes. 

“That you’re, like, in love with him, idiot.” 

“I’m not in love with Renjun.” Jaemin says. It’s muscle memory, and he wants to slap himself the second it’s out. 

Chaewon raises an eyebrow. “Renjun, huh? I really don’t know who that is.” 

“Yeah.” Jaemin presses out. He stares at a stray leaf by his feet, trying to ignore the tense, anxious feeling in his stomach. “Told you so.” 

“You did.” Chaewon nods. “I just assumed you were lying. I thought it was Hyuck, maybe. Or Yukhei.” 

Jaemin fakes the worst laugh he can manage. “Imagine that.” 

It’s like the annoying little voice in his head is waving around a physical copy of his revenge plan just then, repeating over and over: _Imagine that. Imagine that. Imagine that._

Chaewon already went on to talk about something else, or maybe she is still talking about the same thing, Jaemin hears her voice but her words aren’t registering anymore. 

This is all Jeno’s fault anyways. It’s Jeno’s fault for liking Renjun in the first place, and for being so obvious about it. It’s Jeno’s fault that Jaemin has to go through all this trouble, at home and even here at this stranger’s family reunion on this porch-swing. It’s Jeno’s fault too, that nothing is actually wrong with Jeno, that he never actually did anything to Jaemin and that Jaemin doesn’t want him to hate him. 

It’s entirely Jeno’s fault that Jaemin cares for him, when they shouldn’t even know each other in the first place. 

He sure as hell doesn’t think Jeno cares for him. Jaemin has never given him any reason to. 

Somewhere in his head Jeno’s voice from their very first conversation echoes, apologizing for making things hard for Jaemin, but he drowns it out. 

The little voice is still going around chanting _Imagine that. Imagine that. Imagine that._. And maybe Jaemin is going to take it up on the offer, maybe he’s going to do more than imagine, maybe he’s actually going to go through with his petty plan and it will make sure that Jeno never has a reason to care for Jaemin, and that he’ll never give Jaemin a reason to care for him either. 

The thought ties his stomach into tight knots.

✨ 

Donghyuck’s birthday parties end in chaos the years he doesn’t invite just the “inner circle”. Jeno knows this, and usually he comes prepared, as to say with no plans whatsoever for the next day so he can sleep off whatever he drank and still have enough time to catch up with any sort of drama that may have occured the night before. 

Never once after waking up after a healthy 17 hours of sleep has he been part of said drama. He wasn’t even present for last night’s party. 

Yet he wakes up to his phone buzzing incessantly. 

**Mark** it says, and he vaguely notes that his notifications hold about 10 more missed calls and roughly 50 unread texts. He is still too tired to actually feel the plunge of anxiety in his stomach before he picks up. 

_”Dude!”_ is what greets him before he can even as much as say hello. Not terribly uncommon. 

“What’s up?” He tries. 

_”Did you just ask _‘what’s up_ ’?!”_ Mark sounds more appalled than Jeno has ever heard him. _”How drunk were you last night?!”_

Oh, this can’t be good. 

Jeno slowly sits up in bed and runs a hand through his hair. “Uh…” He gets out. 

His brain is still slow to kick into gear and the first thing on its to-do list doesn’t seem to be this conversation. Instead it comes up with an elaborate list of worst-case scenarios for what could have happened while Jaemin had been getting drunk quite literally in Jeno’s place. 

Mark makes a pained noise and Jeno feels the strong urge to apologize a hundred times, even though he still has no idea what for. 

_“Please don’t tell me you forgot everything.”_ Mark all but whines.

It’s not like Jeno knew anything to begin with, so he mumbles his confirmation, flinching when Mark groans on the other end. _”This is amazing, this is just great.”_

Now, Mark is oftentimes stressed, oftentimes with Jeno, but he’s rarely annoyed. As little chill as his friend has, Jeno has always known him to be levelheaded, so it doesn’t come as a surprise to him when Mark takes a deep breath, decides that this maybe isn’t entirely Jeno’s fault, he’s sure there’s some miscommunication going on, and goes to tell him what exactly happened.

The evening had apparently started out more normal than not, the playlist Yukhei started playing sucked and Jisung banned him from the aux cord after the third Nickelback song, but apparently it had all started going downhill when someone showed up with more booze and suddenly Woojin had nearly tripped off the balcony and Heejin had attempted to give Donghyuck’s cat a bath and, apparently, Jeno had started to behave very, very weirdly. 

_”You were, like, in a super bad mood.”_ Mark recounts. _”And you wouldn’t tell us why.”_

Worry surges through his chest and immediately his mind runs miles trying to figure out what exactly could have upset Jaemin, until Mark’s next words cut in: _”You were saying something about no one telling you things? I really have no idea, dude, you didn’t make a lot of sense, to be honest. What was up with that?”_

The worry shifts into guilt. Jeno has avoided to talk to Jaemin about a multitude of things these days. Is this his fault? Was Jaemin upset because of him?

“I.. I really don’t remember.” He lies through his teeth. “What happened then? You said I was weird?” 

_”Yeah you were.”_ Mark affirms. Then: _”You were hitting on Donghyuck.”_

“I…” Jeno brings his phone away from his ear and blinks at it for a few seconds before realizing that nothing is going to come from it. “What?” He asks weakly, bringing it back. 

_”You really don’t remember _anything_? It was super weird, you’re never touchy, but yesterday you were clinging to him the whole time.”_

“It was his birthday.” Jeno tries, but he knows that couldn’t be it. He’s sure Jaemin had a different reason and he’s sure the reason has something to do with him. 

Mark makes a noise of disagreement, then says: _”You really weren’t subtle about it. Not at all.”_

For a moment he allows himself to press his eyes shut and blow out a breath. At some point, something in his life is going to start to make sense. Hopefully that will be soon. 

“I’m sorry.” He starts. “I really don’t know what happened, I wasn’t really myself, I guess.” It’s flimsy, yet the closest thing to the truth he can tell Mark right now. “Is Hyuck alright?” 

_”Oh, yeah, he’s good. He thought the whole thing was hilarious. You know how he is. You stopped at some point, anyways. It was just really weird.”_

Jeno knows how Donghyuck is, but Jaemin doesn’t, and it’s that thought that makes Jeno text Donghyuck right after Mark hangs up the phone, just to make sure. 

His chest feels lighter, if only slightly, when Donghyuck replies with more emojis than words, assuring that he is absolutely fine and that he lives off attention and there’s really worse things than your hot best friend offering to make out with you. 

_u guys are all way too serious about this_ Donghyuck’s last text reads. _xuxi has been texting me nonstop ever since last night, it’s like he’s a really territorial het boyfriend or sth haha_

Jeno thinks that he could start a whole conversation right now about the reasons for Yukhei’s behaviour and Jeno’s own theories about it, but he also thinks that this specific conversation deserves another day all to itself, not being overshadowed by Jeno’s apparent drunk advances. 

He scrolls through the rest of his notifications instead, stopping at a handful of texts from Chaewon. 

_so did you lie to me, or?_ Reads the first, _no shade btw but i literally TOLD YOU i was suspecting it to be hyuck and you shot me down TT real dick move, jeno._

It’s the last text that makes his stomach drop with anxiety for real this time. 

_so i’m guessing “renjun” doesn’t actually exist? sad, he sounded really cool unu_

The phone rings only twice before Jaemin picks it up. 

_”I can explain.”_ He says before Jeno can open his mouth. 

Jaemin doesn’t actually start to explain anything, and when Jeno prompts him to with an exasperated “So?”, he says: _”Don’t be mad at me.”_

Jeno sighs. “Just explain, please.” 

_”Okay, so first of all I want you to know that I spent most of the night awake, thinking and regretting. Second of all, what happened is, uhm- Well… I just-”_

It’s clear that they won’t be getting anywhere like this. For how vocal Jaemin has been in the past about everything really, and how good with words Jeno sometimes thought him to be, none of these qualities seem to be making their appearance right now. 

Jeno decides to cut straight to the chase. 

“Is this about Renjun?” 

_”...How did you- I mean, when- Did you--”_

“Chaewon mentioned him.” Jeno explains. He feels oddly calm now, way calmer than he did when he dialled Jaemin’s number. He’d been angry at him then, but now that he can hear how obviously Jaemin is regretting everything, even if Jeno doesn’t quite understand it still, his anger has burned out. He’s not quite ready to forgive and forget, but he wants to listen at least. 

He hears Jaemin sigh, then: _”You like him, right?”_

A diashow of thoughts plays on fast forward in the second that Jeno takes to close his eyes, thoughts that he had ever since the first switch. 

_Renjun is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen._

_When Renjun laughs it’s like flowers blooming._

_Renjun is Jaemin’s best friend._

_He never wants to see Jaemin upset. He never wants to _make_ him upset._

_Neither Renjun, nor Jaemin deserve him fucking up their lives._

“I’m sorry.” He says. 

It’s quiet on the other end of the line for a few seconds, then a breathless laugh and just as breathless: _“Why are you apologizing?”_

“Because I’m making a mess and you never asked for me being in your life and neither has Renjun and--”

 _”No.”_ Jaemin interrupts him. _”Stop apologizing, I’m- I made a mess too, last night.”_

Jeno thinks about that for a second, then, even though he doesn’t really want to hear the answer, he asks: “Were you mad at me?” 

_”Yes.”_ Jaemin’s answer comes surprisingly fast. _”I don’t know why. I’m not anymore.”_

__“Why not?” Jeno asks next. If he left his brain time to think, he probably wouldn’t be asking all of these questions, would be too scared to hear the answer, or to scared of being refused one. But he decided to switch off his brain, just for now, for the greater good of communication, or something._ _

__When Jaemin takes a while to speak, Jeno changes the question: “You didn’t actually- You didn’t kiss Hyuck, or anything. You stopped at one point, Mark told me. Why?”_ _

___”He wouldn’t have let me, anyways.”_ Jaemin says, quietly, clearly not the answer to Jeno’s question. _ _

__“Why wouldn’t he have?” Questions over questions pour out now that he’s letting them. “You didn’t try. Why did you tell Chaewon about Renjun?” And again, just because he wants to make sure it’s true: “Why aren’t you mad at me anymore?”_ _

__His questions have no concept to them, it’s like his mouth is just desperately trying to keep up with where his mind is racing, without any regards for casualties on the way._ _

__Jaemin picks out the answer that is the least dangerous to give, at least the caution in his voice makes it seem like that. _”I just feel like he wouldn’t have.”_ _ _

__It’s guarded in a way that Jeno recognizes, but hates. “Okay.” He says, and he’s not sure what else to say. He doesn’t dare repeat any question, or to ask more. It feels like that would ask for Jaemin to pull up another, thicker wall, so he waits._ _

__It proves to be the right thing to do, or maybe a terrible, terrible thing to do, when Jaemin continues: _“Something about it just didn’t seem right.”_ _ _

__“Kissing him?” Jeno asks. He thinks he understands. The thought of Jaemin kissing Donghyuck doesn’t feel right. He doubts that’s what Jaemin means. He doesn’t say it. His mouth has given up trying to chase his mind._ _

__Jaemin hums in confirmation. _”I didn’t like it.”_ _ _

__Jeno nods, even though Jaemin can’t see him, but when he realizes that, it’s already too late for an actual answer. Something about the way the conversation is going feels either very broken, or very unreal. He doesn’t know if that’s mutually exclusive, can’t remember if dream-things can break._ _

___”It’s like how I used to not like the thought of you and Renjun.”_ _ _

__Had his mind still been in control over his mouth and in control generally, Jeno would probably have pointed out that there was no _him-and-Renjun_ , but it already went on to other things, so he asks: “Used to?” _ _

__Again, Jaemin just hums._ _

__It’s quiet for what could have been a second or an hour. Jeno feels like something shifted but he doesn’t know what. He really needs to clean up his room._ _

___”I told Chaewon about Renjun because she asked.”_ Jaemin continues. _”I’m not mad at you anymore. Sorry for yesterday.”_ _ _

__Jeno thinks he breathes out an “Okay”, thinks they talk about something else afterwards and thinks he bids Jaemin goodbye, but the next thing he really realizes is the line going dead._ _

__His grandma knocks on his door a while later, asking him to help him with something down at the store, reminding him that he needs to drink a lot of water after getting drunk and reminding him with a grin that she isn’t going to take mercy on him just because he decided to prioritize partying over sleep._ _

__Jeno laughs at her jokes and rolls his eyes at her accusations, as he normally does, and he feels like something shifted, but he’s not sure what._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik he wasn't it this chapter, like at all, but please anticipate renjun in chapter 7....he's gonna do some things and say some thing and i don't think anyone including me, you, or nomin are ready for it.
> 
> find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter/wannaorbit)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait i really don't know what's up with me klflksaf
> 
> i did post two other w1 fics in the meantime though, so if you missed my writing THAT much, you could check those out ;) ;) ;)
> 
> jeno's pov has interesting developments this time around, while jaemin's mainly focuses on the secondary plot (hint the changed tags i finally got around to!!) and the calm before the storm (also tw for drug use in jaemin's pov)
> 
> enjoy <3

Sometimes, Jeno still feels like waking up from a long vivid dream after a switch. Sometimes he still doubts that all the things that happen are real, that the people he meets are real and the days he lives. 

But then he looks at his phone or on sprawled sticky notes on his desk that he didn’t put there, that remind him about appointments he didn’t schedule or promises he didn’t make and doubt immediately shifts into something entirely mundane. 

It’s been months. Jeno isn’t really keeping track of the switches anymore, he just knows that he has spent about half of the summer living someone else’s life and he’s accepted that it’s going to be the same for autumn, winter, maybe for the next few years, maybe forever. He and Jaemin had attempted to find out more about their situation, but there was only so many deep-web conspiracy forums available to search through, and none of them had helped them in any way. 

Jeno thinks it could be worse. They make do, they had established a pretty well-working system, and by now they know each other well enough to avoid annoying mishaps. 

It could be worse and it definitely should be more scary, having someone know this much about his life, but Jeno isn’t bothered in the slightest. More often than not he finds himself being glad that he doesn’t have to explain things to Jaemin because the other already understands, that he doesn’t have to complain about things because Jaemin already knows. Jaemin is great at listening, and at comforting, and in general. 

Sometimes Jeno scrolls back in their text thread, to the very first message Jaemin sent him. 

_i think i’m cool with sharing my life with you. literally._

And Jeno agrees. 

“So, will you tell me more about this, or…?” Yerim emerges from the mountain of clothing she buried herself in. 

Jeno is sprawled out over her bed, her stuffed animals neatly arranged around him and staring at the ceiling. Jiwoo’s parents aren’t home for the weekend, and apparently when you’re a cool kid in the city, where your neighbours won’t rat you out to your overbearing grandmother, that means hosting a party. 

Jaemin told him about this a few days ago, in case they were on a switch that day, and Jeno has been coming up with random excuses ever since, but he hadn’t been prepared for Yerim whisking him away right after school, leaving him no choice but to get ready for the party with her. 

It’s not that he doesn’t like parties, it’s just that parties on a switch seem like dangerous territory. They _are_ dangerous territory, he thinks, as he remembers Donghyuck’s birthday. 

But he and Jaemin have been over this for weeks, and they are absolutely chill, he’s not mad at Jaemin and has absolutely no reason to try and make out with Yerim out of spite, nor does he have any desire to. So really, he shouldn’t be as nervous as he is. 

“Honestly, it’s complicated.” He tells Yerim as he sits up. 

Jaemin had complained to her about some friends of a friend who she doesn’t know, and about their absolutely hopeless romantic endeavours. Jeno can only guess this is about _his_ friends, and he can’t blame Jaemin for being fed up with them, but he doesn’t really know what to tell Yerim. 

Ever since Donghyuck’s birthday things have been weird, and he’s had numerous vague confusing conversations with Mark and Yukhei, as well as one memorable less vague one that Donghyuck had started at 4AM by simply sending Jeno the link to an article about polyamorous relationships, without any further context. 

Jeno really just wants them to get their shit together and date, and he would love to tell Yerim that much, but it’s more complicated to talk about himself in the third person in this matter. 

“...Anyways, I just think-- That is, my friend thinks, and I agree, that they should talk to each other. It can’t be _that_ hard.” Jeno ends his floundering retelling of the whole thing a little while later. 

Yerim joined him on the bed by now and she’s busy sweeping some kind of glittering eyeshadow over his lids when she pauses to snort. 

“That’s rich coming from you.” 

“What do you mean?” He asks and tries to open his eyes, but is stopped when she hisses at him to stay still. 

“I also know someone who needs to talk to someone else about their romantic relationship.” 

Jeno huffs out a breath. “Stop it.” 

For the most part, he’s grown accustomed to Yerim’s constant snides at Jaemin about Renjun, it’s not something his own friends wouldn’t do too. 

But of course there’s more to it than that. 

There’s the fact that Jeno admitted months ago to being kind-of-in-love with Renjun, someone who has no idea that he exists, and will probably never find out. 

There’s the fact that it has only just now gotten nearly-not-awkward, talking to Jaemin about Renjun. 

There’s also the fact, that only a few weeks ago, when Jeno was going through the third article about polyamory Donghyuck had forwarded to him, a tiny little demon in his head had started taking over once in a while. He’s had several confusing dreams about Jaemin. One of them also included a carnivorous lamb with wings. Jeno doesn’t know how credible anything beyond Donghyuck’s article really is. 

Most importantly, there’s the fact that he’s suspecting Yerim to be right. He tries to keep this fact carefully separated from fact number one and three, and he definitely won’t ever bring it up to Jaemin because Jaemin would probably try to never speak to him again and that would just be very inconvenient. 

But after months of careful observation, he has found himself agreeing with Yerim’s half-joking remarks more often than not. 

It’s all very complicated and very hard on his brain and his heart, and, like any other distinguished teenager, he elects to ignore it most of the time. 

Luckily, Yerim is so used to Jaemin deflecting her comments, that she doesn’t prod any further. She finishes with the glitter on Jeno’s eyes and then ushers him out of the house quite unceremoniously. 

Jeno notes that he didn’t get the chance to look into a mirror before they left. He bet the glitter looks radiant on Jaemin’s eyes. 

When they arrive, _fashionably late_ , as Yerim assured him on the ride, it’s pretty much like any other party Jeno has ever been to. There’s drunk teenagers all over Jiwoo’s living room, couples making out scattered here and there, generic Top 100 songs blasting over some speakers. Jiwoo welcomes them with a wide smile, shoves two bottles of beer into their hands, says she needs to do something about the terrible song that is playing and is gone just as fast as she appeared. 

“She’s like a squirrel trying to keep a stampede in check.” Yerim observes fondly, before pushing her bottle of beer into Jeno’s hand. “I’ll go see if I can help her and look for the soft drinks. I’m a responsible designated driver. If you need me, yell really loudly. Or just text, that should work better.” 

And then Jeno is alone in a crowd of Jaemin’s peers, two bottles of beer in his hand and some Chainsmokers song threatening to make his ears bleed. It’s about how he expected the night to go. 

Slowly, he makes his way through the crowd, nursing one of the beer bottles, vaguely throwing smiles back when strangers greet him, but mostly just trying to find one of Jaemin’s friends to latch onto for the night. 

He is latched onto instead. 

“Jaemin!” Chenle yells into his ear. “You’re late!” 

“Yerim’s fault.” He explains, then: “What are you doing here?” 

Jeno is pretty sure that Jaemin told him about the strict Seniors Only policy that Jiwoo instills for her parties. 

“Jiwoo loves me.” Chenle grins. “Also I think Hyejoo tried puppy eyes on her once and she broke. But it’s mostly because she loves me.” 

Jeno wants to reply something, but Chenle has apparently already deemed the conversation over. “Anyways, come with me, we’re playing truth or dare.” 

“This is why Jiwoo has a seniors only policy.” Jeno tells him as Chenle pulls him to a different room. 

“You old people wouldn’t know what fun is without us.” Is all Chenle gives back as they step into the room. 

It’s quieter here, the music drowned out to slightly annoying background noise the second Chenle closes the door behind him. 

“Just accept that no one wants to play with you, Chenle.” Hyejoo speaks up from where she’s sitting on the ground with Jungeun. She gets various hums of agreement from the rest of the room. Jeno can see Jinyoung sitting on the couch, seemingly in deep discussion about something with Daehwi and Chaeyeon. Renjun is sitting on Jungeun’s other side on the floor. 

“But you’re all already here, so we might as well play!” Chenle chirps, pushing Jeno to the ground. “Jaemin for one is very excited, right?” 

Jeno just shoots him a look. 

“Yeah, I’m sure Jaemin is.” Renjun snorts. The way he says it is weird, with an emphasis on Jaemin’s name. Jeno thinks Renjun is probably drunk. The slight flush to his cheek looks magical. 

It takes several attempts to get Chenle distracted, but at one point the trio on the couch manage to rope him into some kind of gossip about one of his teachers, and he forgets about his plan to force them all to have fun. 

Jeno makes no attempts to get up from his place on the carpet. He knows everyone in this room, if only vaguely, and it feels infinitely safer than the crowd of strangers outside. He really doesn’t need to listen to Drake at a volume any higher than he can hear it through the wall right now, either. 

Hyejoo and Jungeun are still talking about one thing or another, and Jeno pretends to listen to them while his bottle slowly empties and he waits for an acceptable time to text Yerim that he wants to go home. It all seems like a pretty safe plan, until a tap on his arm makes his attention snap away from the rest of beer sloshing around in the bottle. 

“Hey.” Renjun says, like they haven’t been sitting next to each other for the better part of an hour. 

“Hi?” Jeno replies. He’s pretty sure by now that Renjun is drunk. 

Renjun’s voice is just a whisper when he asks: “Truth or dare?” 

Usually, when drunk people talk to him at parties, and they’re not making sense, Jeno tries to ignore them as politely as possible. But this is _Renjun_. One can’t just ignore Renjun, no matter how polite they’re trying to be. At least Jeno didn’t think he could, and he sure as hell is not going to try. 

“Renjun, we’re not playing.” He smiles. “We outvoted Chenle.” 

It’s on Renjun to ignore _him_ apparently, because he shakes his head slightly. “Truth or dare?” He asks again. 

“The others aren’t even listeni--” Jeno tries, but Renjun shakes his head again. 

“They don’t need to listen, I want to ask _you_ something.” His eyes were far-off only a few seconds ago, but now he’s looking at Jeno with an intensity that downright scares him. 

“Truth or dare?” Renjun asks again. 

He said he wanted to ask him something, and the look in his eyes still scares Jeno and for the first time in months he feels like he’s an intruder in this life that isn’t his. He can’t run, even though all his instincts say he should, so he does the next best thing. 

“Dare.” 

Renjun’s eyebrows knit up for a second. He looks so dejected that Jeno has to force himself to not backtrack and choose truth instead. He can’t give Renjun a truth in Jaemin’s stead. He feels like Renjun wants a truth from Jaemin that isn’t Jeno’s place to give. 

“Fine.” Renjun mumbles, more to himself than to Jeno. “I dare you to dance with me.” 

He doesn’t leave Jeno room to disagree with him, simply gets up, only staggering slightly, and pulls Jeno out of the room with him. 

Jeno would love to focus on the fact that he seems to have successfully avoided a very uncomfortable situation for both him and Jaemin, or on the fact that Jiwoo managed to save the playlist for the evening because it’s not obnoxious EDM anymore. What he ends up focussing on is Renjun’s hand around his wrist and how not even the noise and the crowd around them can drown the sensation out. 

Frankly, Jeno knows nothing about dancing. He wouldn’t call himself a bad dancer, he certainly had all the dancing experience one could get, growing up in a sleepy town in the country, and he doesn’t even really know what qualifies as good dancing, and it’s dark and crowded around them and the music is too loud-- Yet he feels like no one in the whole world could be a better dancer than Renjun. 

It takes him several beats too long to realize that Renjun never let go of his wrist as he started dancing, or that he himself has been frozen in place ever since he did, and by then Renjun has grabbed his other hand and pulled him closer. 

“It’s a dare!” He yells into his ear, his words the tiniest bit slurred, or maybe it’s all the noise around them. 

As he starts moving to the music, Jeno shortly thinks how Renjun probably wouldn’t do this without the alcohol, the dancing and pulling Jaemin closer, and the look in his eyes. It’s nothing Jeno has ever seen him do, and it’s entrancing and terrifying at the same time, and Jeno thinks that Jaemin would probably freak out right now. Maybe it’s for the better that it’s a switch. Maybe it’s for the better if Jeno keeps this to himself, even though they agreed to never do this again, maybe--

Renjun’s hands pull on his again, even though there’s little to no space between them as is. Jeno can feel his breath fanning over the side of his neck as he leans up to talk into his ear. 

“You didn’t let me ask my question.” 

“Yeah.” Jeno replies. He might be whispering, or yelling, he can’t tell over how close Renjun suddenly is. “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I think I know the answer anyways. I just wish he would tell me too.” 

Jeno leans back slightly to blink down at Renjun and ask him to repeat himself, because what he said doesn’t make sense, but his words catch in his throat when he is met, yet again, with that terrifying intensity in Renjun’s eyes instead of the drunken haze he expected to be the cause of his words. 

Renjun nods, the answer to a question that neither of them asked. Jeno only vaguely feels Renjun’s hand travel up his arm to his shoulder, to his neck, to the side of his face. 

“What are you-” He starts, but it’s drowned out by the noise and by Renjun’s mouth on his. 

✨

Jaemin thinks this might be the most fun he’s ever had on a switch. It’s Friday, school was a breeze, Jeno doesn’t have soccer practice, or any other annoying obligations that Jaemin has to actually make an effort for, so he can focus his entire energy on the things that really matter. 

First, he lazes around until Jeno’s grandma sets the cats lose on him, Then he helps her prepare dinner, making sure to mess up some things on purpose because Jeno is a terrible cook. He apologetically smiles at Jeno’s grandma, because it’s something Jeno would do, and because he’s truly sorry for her. 

He should teach Jeno how to cook sometime, he thinks, before he realizes how ridiculous that is. He and Jeno are never in the same place at the same time, when would they ever cook together?

But the thought is there, staying at the back of his mind even as Jeno’s grandmother dismisses him from the kitchen and he plops back onto Jeno’s bed. 

What would it be like if they ever met? Would it be awkward? Would it be just as familiar as every phone call? Would Jeno look any different from what Jaemin sees when he looks into the mirror? 

Two weeks ago on a switch, Donghyuck and him had been sitting on the roof of Donghyuck’s house, sharing some weed that definitely was at least a third oregano, but Jaemin had found it in Jeno’s bag and when he asked, Jeno had said Johnny gave it to him. Johnny was trustworthy.

Donghyuck had not stopped talking the entire time. Most of it had been about Mark, and Yukhei, and both, and Jaemin had drowned it out, but later on, Donghyuck had started a different rant. 

“It’s so fucked up how we… We never actually see our own face.” He said, holding up a hand when Jaemin’s face scrunched up in disagreement. “Yeah, I know, I know, mirrors and shit, but… that’s not really your face. Photographs neither. Like, right now, I’m looking at your face. There’s nothing between that, no step in between you having a face and me seeing it, y’know?” 

As if to demonstrate he gestured wildly in between their faces, hitting Jaemin on the nose rather violently but he was already talking again before Jaemin could complain. 

“And you always look a little differently in a mirror or on photographs, so we literally have, like, no chance, ever, in our lives, to see our face, like, for real. Jeno… Jeno what if I’m actually really ugly?” 

Jaemin had done his best to assure Donghyuck that he wasn’t ugly, and that the whole of humanity had survived up until this point without ever actually seeing their own face, but his thoughts had been elsewhere. 

He’s never actually seen Jeno’s face. 

Jaemin falls back against the mattress and pressed his hands onto his own - Jeno’s - cheeks. He wonders how ridiculous it would look to actually do that to Jeno. Then his mind strays and he wonders what kind of situation it would be, for him to grab Jeno’s face like that, how close he would probably be, how easy it would be to just lean in and-- 

Jaemin moves his hands to his eyes and groans. 

Everything in his life that involves romantic feelings just _has_ to be complicated and annoying and impossible, and absolutely taboo for him to talk about to anyone. 

He can’t talk to Jeno about how he woke up in a cold sweat last week, the fresh and terrifying realization in his mind that Yerim, with her wiggling eyebrows and marriage plans, has a point. He can’t talk to Renjun about how that should be impossible because even before that, he’d caught his heart honest to god fluttering because of a sweet good morning text from Jeno. He can’t tell anyone anything because it would mean confessing, and it would mean hurting feelings, and it would mean _talking_ about feelings and all of these prospects are terrifying. 

They’re better off like this, anyways. Nobody knows anything, and everyone is content, and he has two friends who he can trust with _nearly_ everything, and, yes, he feels horrible for keeping this from them, but he would feel even more horrible to destroy what he has with either of them. This is the best for Jeno, and for Renjun, and it may not be the best for Jaemin, but he can deal. 

With this fresh reminder, he nods to himself once and sits up in Jeno’s bed. 

It’s about 5PM, the perfect time to initiate what he had planned for the day. 

_hyuckiiiie_ he texts. _i’m so sorry but i just remembered i promised gran to help with sth so i can’t make movie night ://_

He can’t help the smile that makes its way to his lips, when he ads: _i’m sure the 3 of you will have fun though!! ^^_

The little bubble indicating that Donghyuck is typing appears and disappears for about a minute, until his phone buzzes with a single word. 

_traitor._

Jaemin laughs, because he knows that Donghyuck doesn’t mean it, and because he’d probably spent a full minute trying to put the unexpected panic Jaemin had put him in into words. 

He feels marginally bad for not letting Donghyuck know about his genius plan to trick Jeno’s friends into hanging out, just the three of them, but he’s sure that Donghyuck would have found some way out of it, and, honestly, Jaemin is sick and tired of listening to all the whining. 

Last week he’d gotten so fed up with it that he complained to Yerim. He wonders if she still remembers that he promised her to tell her about it at another point. 

There’s no telling if his scheme will work, but he presumably has a lot of time to come up with new ones. Maybe Jeno will finally agree to pull his weight too, and stop with the _’We should let them figure it out on their own’._

He sends back a string of heart emojis to Dongyhuck and leaves it at that. 

It takes about two seconds for his thoughts to stray back to somewhere he doesn’t want them to be. 

_Renjun would love this_ , he thinks. 

Renjun, for all he pretends to be tough and cliché-hating, is an utter romantic.

Jaemin will never forget when Renjun’s cousin made them watch _The Notebook_ back in 6th grade and Renjun spent half the movie crying into Jaemin’s hoodie, or the time Yerim got a love letter in 10th grade and Renjun kept on rereading it, under the guise of trying to find out who wrote it. Nobody but Jaemin seemed to have caught the little smile Renjun had on his face as he looked over the soft pink paper.

Renjun would help him in his endeavours to play cupid, Jaemin is sure. 

Infact, Renjun would make an amazing cupid. Jaemin could just imagine him, whirring around, with angel’s wings, bow and arrow. He bets Renjun would be great at shooting arrows. He bets Renjun would _look_ great shooting arrows. He-- 

Jaemin starts and jumps up from the bed in one swift motion. 

“No.” he says out loud. “Don’t be a fucking idiot.” 

Jeno’s voice calling him an idiot is infinitely more scathing than his own would have been. 

He shakes his head to himself, once, and makes his way back to the kitchen. 

“What are you doing here?” Jeno’s grandma narrows her eyes at him. “I don’t need your help.” 

“Don’t worry I won’t try to help you.” Jaemin assures her, perching a safe distance away from her on the counter instead. “I’m just bored.” 

“So you hang out with your grandmother?” She asks, the judgement evident in her voice. 

“Yep.” Jaemin nods, with a wide grin. 

She sighs but doesn’t ask more questions. Jaemin shortly wonders if he should tell her about his genius plan to get Jeno’s friends to date. He’s sure grandma Lee would have some valuable input, and he’s just about to ask her about it, when the doorbell cuts him off. 

“I’ll get it.” He chirps and jumps off the counter. 

On his way to the door, he wonders if Donghyuck hasn’t accepted his betrayal as easily as he thought and came here to physically drag him over to his house. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to get out of that one. Maybe he should pretend to be sick. Maybe he should pretend Jeno’s grandma was dying. Maybe he should pretend _he_ was dying. 

Ready to put the three acting classes he took in 9th grade to use, Jaemin swings open the door. 

“‘Sup, loser?” Jisung greets and immediately pushes past him into the hallway. 

Jaemin has to say, he’s a little disappointed. He would have aced this performance, he’s sure of it. 

“Not much, I’m ditching on the others.” He huffs and follows Jisung into Jeno’s room. 

“Nice.” Jisung nods. He’s already getting comfortable on the bed, leaving Jaemin to sit at the desk. “Maybe they’ll get their shit together finally.” 

Jaemin gapes at him. “You picked up on that?” 

“Dude. Please.” Jisung sounds weary. “I’m not blind. I wish I was though.” 

“Tell me about it!” Jaemin exclaims. He didn’t want to drag the kid into this, thinking him far too young to care about tiring things like highschool seniors’ love triangles, but now that Jisung proved to be knowledgeable, and invested at least to some degree, he is beyond thankful. 

“What do you think are the chances they’ll talk about it soon?” 

Jaemin scrunches up his nose. “Not high, but they’ll have to, eventually.” 

Jisung nods, then claps his hands together. “Well, now that you’re free tonight I can finally force you to watch that movie.” 

“What movie?” Jaemin asks without thinking. 

Jisung just looks at him for a moment, seemingly disbelieving, then shakes his head. “You’ll see.” Is everything he says before he gets up to retrieve Jeno’s laptop from the floor. 

It turns out that the movie Jisung has been wanting Jeno to watch is an American one, called _Freaky Friday_ and Jaemin can’t really see the appeal. It seems as though the movie is very important to Jisung though, because he keeps watching Jaemin carefully throughout, as if to gauge his reaction. Jaemin makes sure to laugh at the bland jokes and make comments at the appropriate times, but when the credits roll he can’t really recall anything specific about it, other than it depicted the whole body-swap thing very, very wrong. 

He doesn’t tell Jisung that, of course. 

“So, what did you think?” Jisung asks eagerly as he closes the laptop. 

“That was fun.” Jaemin lies. 

“No, the movie sucks.” Jisung shakes his head, to Jaemin’s surprise. “But how are you feeling about it? Anything you want to tell me, that the movie inspired, maybe?” 

He is looking at Jaemin expectantly from under his bangs, and Jaemin is really confused, because why would Jisung be so invested in a movie that he admits was terrible? 

“Uh…” He stalls. “Lindsay Lohan was in some really weird movies?” He tries. 

The look in Jisung’s eyes in unchanging, so Jaemin goes for a different approach. 

“It’s kind of messed up that you were only one year old, when this movie was released.” 

Jisung rolls his eyes. “This obviously isn’t going anywhere.” He huffs. 

He seems to be very disappointed, and Jaemin nearly feels bad along with all the confusion. “Sorry?” He says. 

“It’s fine, I’ll get there eventually.” Jisung says, with a determined nod. “I’ll see you around.”

And with that, he’s out of the room. Only a few seconds later, Jaemin can hear the front door falling shut. 

He opens the laptop up again and stares at the paused end credits for a moment. What reaction could Jisung have possibly been trying for with this movie? It’s a generic early 2000s comedy, about body-switching. 

Body-switching is a very sensitive theme for Jaemin, and for Jeno too, but Jisung doesn’t know that. 

Unless… 

Jaemin shakes his head. That’s ridiculous. He hasn’t given Jisung, or anyone else in Jeno’s life any reason to suspect their situation in _months_. Jeno has been doing the same, he’s sure, and they’re both doing a great job. 

He wonders briefly if he should try to call Jeno, but then he remembers that Jiwoo is throwing a party tonight and he’d promised Yerim to go with her, so Jeno is probably busy having Yerim criticise his outfit-choices. 

Jaemin hopes Jeno will have a good time at the party, even with so many people there he doesn’t know. He’s kind of been hoping that they wouldn’t be switched for it, because he saw how uncomfortable Jeno seemed with the idea, but he’s convinced that Jeno will take good care of himself. Yerim, Renjun and the others will be there too and-- 

Jaemin realizes that he is worried. Not about anything going wrong, not even remotely about anything body-switch related, just about Jeno and his happiness. He really wants Jeno to be having a good time. He wishes he could be there to make sure that Jeno’s having fun. 

He sighs when he reminds himself that that’s not possible, and gets up again, to go back to annoying Jeno’s grandmother. It’s not the best distraction, not for him and definitely not for grandma Lee, but he has to make do somehow. 

***

He wakes up the next morning with a splitting headache and the sinking feeling in his gut that something is very, very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you could say the plot is finally progressing. potentially. maybe. 
> 
> i really hope for all of our collective sake that i'll get the next chapter up soon!! 
> 
> find me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lilaliacs) and leave me a cc or a comment here if you have questions or want to yell at me !!^^


	8. Chapter 8

“Honey, are you aw--” 

“Leave me alone.” 

Now, Jaemin has gone through puberty just as every other teenage boy has, and he’s sure he’s been a pain in the ass, but his mother always likes to brag to her friends with kids his age, how _pleasant_ of a child Jaemin has been his whole life. 

He’s not being very _pleasant_ right now, and he can see the confusion in his mother’s face right before he slams the door shut in front of it. 

He feels bad, he feels terrible and he’s definitely going to apologize to her, but not now, because now he feels even worse and even more terrible about other things. Jaemin’s head is throbbing, his shirt clings to his back uncomfortably, when he runs a hand over his face with a groan, his fingers come away with smears of black and glitter on them, and he feels _wrong_. 

Carefully, he eyes his phone. It lies, screen up on the other side of his bed. The black screen betrays nothing of the heart-attack it had given Jaemin when he blearily blinked down on it only minutes ago. 

It’s not an onslaught of messages that are waiting for him. On the top of his notification sits an automated Email from Twitter, telling him to check out people’s accounts. Right below that is a text message from Yerim, from only an hour ago, reminding him to drink enough water. 

The third and last text message that screamed at him as he squinted down on the glare of the phone, had been what made him throw his phone across the bed and spring up from his bed. 

**injunnie <3 <3**  
so we should probably talk about that kiss…

It makes no sense. It shouldn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense. 

Jaemin picks up the phone, ignores Twitter’s algorithm and Yerim and Renjun, _especially_ Renjun. With shaky fingers, he clicks to his contacts and lifts the phone to his ear. 

It takes a small eternity for Jeno to pick up. He was probably still asleep before Jaemin called, but Jaemin can’t bring himself to care, not when his head feels like it’s on fire. 

_”Jaemin.”_ Jeno rasps, sleep still evident in his voice but also so much more, and suddenly the burning wanders from Jaemin’s mind to his eyes. 

“What’s going on?” He whispers. 

_”I-- God, I’m sorry, I-- I don’t know.”_

Somewhere in the back of his thoughts, Jaemin feels bad for overwhelming Jeno like this just after waking him up. He’d apologize to him too, later. Right now, he needs answers, so he rewords his question.

“What happened?” 

He can hear a bit of shuffling on the other end of the line, probably Jeno sitting up. Jaemin imagines how Jeno sits in his bed, running a hand down his face, ruffling his hair, before he starts speaking again.

 _”We were at the party, and everything was going well, really, it was a good time. Chenle wanted to play truth or dare, but we convinced him otherwise. Renjun still asked me. ‘Truth or dare’, that is. And I panicked, because he was kind of drunk, but he also looked so serious and I thought-- I-- I don’t know what I thought, but I panicked, so I chose dare, which-- That was stupid, I should’ve just changed the subject, I should’ve left, I shouldn’t even have gone to the party, I’m--”_

Jeno interrupts himself in his rambling to take a deep breath. Jaemin stays perfectly silent, perfectly still. 

_”He asked me to dance with him and then he… He kissed me.”_

Perfectly silent. Perfectly still. 

_”That is, he kissed-- He thought he was kissing you.”_ Jeno continues, as if Jaemin isn’t painfully aware of that. When there’s no reply from Jaemin, he takes another deep breath and adds, quieter: _”I’m really sorry.”_

“What are you sorry for?” Jaemin finally asks. He’s surprised that his voice doesn’t come out as a whisper. He’s shocked that it comes out as harsh as it does. 

_”For… For what happened and… For making a mess, I--”_

“You didn’t do anything.” Jaemin cuts him off. He makes sure to school his voice into something softer. He’s not blaming Jeno for anything and he doesn’t want Jeno to feel bad about anything, even though he evidently already is. He’s shaking his head even though Jeno can’t see him. “It’s not your fault.” 

_”Have you talked to him yet?”_ Jeno asks carefully. 

“No.” 

_”Are you going to?”_ Is Jeno’s next question, because, of course he would ask that. He knows Jaemin. Sometimes Jaemin can’t believe they’ve only known each other for a few months. 

“No.” Jaemin repeats, even though Jeno knows that. “Not right now.” Even though Jeno knows that, too. 

Just as he hadn’t needed to say that out loud, Jeno doesn’t have to say anything for Jaemin to know that he doesn’t think that’s a good idea. So he starts explaining: 

“I just don’t know what to feel right now. Hell, I wasn’t even there.” 

_”I’m sorry.”_ Jeno says again, for no reason at all. Then: _”Are you upset?”_

Jaemin isn’t sure that he is, he just thinks he should be. “I don’t think so.” He admits. 

_”It’s okay if you are.”_

“Why should I be?” Jaemin asks, because maybe Jeno has answers that he can’t find himself right now. 

The deep breath that Jeno takes tells him that he probably does, but he doesn’t know how to word them any more than Jaemin. 

_”Jaemin…”_ He starts, and Jaemin wishes he could just read everything Jeno wants to say out of those two syllables. Things would be easier. _”You like Renjun”._

It’s not a question, or an assumption, or even a teasing comment like Yerim would’ve made it. It’s a statement. A fact. It’s as if someone is holding a mirror up to the question he asked Jeno after Donghyuck’s birthday, all those months ago. 

Jeno apologized then, too. 

“I’m not upset.” Jaemin says again. He knows he doesn’t need to confirm what Jeno just said. Jeno knows. 

A short pause. _”Why not?”_

It’s not accusatory, just genuinely confused, and Jaemin can’t blame him. 

“I wish I knew.” He gives back, his voice back to a whisper and the burning back to his eyes. 

Either Jeno hears it in his voice, or he feels it through the bond their souls had formed over switching places so often, or he simply knows, because the next thing he asks is: _”Can I help?”_

It’s a peculiar question, considering that Jaemin just told him he’s not upset, but Jaemin understands. 

“Can you distract me?” 

_”Of course.”_ Jeno immediately agrees, but then the line stays silent. _”...With what?”_

Despite everything, the tiniest smile steals itself onto Jaemin’s lips. 

“There’s a guitar in your room. Can you play it?” 

He’s been meaning to ask Jeno that for weeks now, but always forgot. It seemed trivial. Of course the thought would come back now, at the most unfortunate of times, when Jaemin really should be thinking about anything but. 

_”Uh, I’m not, like, good or anything, but…”_

Jaemin hears shuffling on the other end of the line, imagines Jeno walking across the room, his hair a mess, in one of those hideous Marvel pyjamas, probably nearly falling over his school bag on the floor, to retrieve the old guitar. 

A view grating notes sound through the speaker as Jeno tunes some strings. Jaemin is just about to ask when Jeno’s last played, when there’s an actual melody, playing about three times faster than it probably should be, before abruptly stopping. 

_”Okay, that should be-- Yeah, that should work, uhm…”_

Jaemin realizes then, that Jeno is nervous, and he can’t help but laugh. 

Here he is, woke up in his body after having been out of it for a day, for what feels like the 100th time, and his best friend kissed him and is waiting for his reply, and Jaemin is in love with him, and this stranger who knows him like no one else has been kissed by his best friend and is nervous to play his guitar, and Jaemin is… 

“Huh.” He says, quietly, to himself. This is a mental breakdown waiting to happen. He puts it on the list right after apologizing to Jeno and to his mom, but before talking to Renjun. 

A small voice in his head reminds him that, like this, he’s going to overthink again, and he’s maybe never even going to talk to Renjun about this. He knows it’s right. He’s maybe never going to talk to Jeno about any of this either. He knows that it’s not the right thing to do and he knows that it’s not fair to either of them, and he knows he’s terrible, but he doesn’t let any of that take over right now. 

He can deal with it when the burning in his eyes has stopped, and when he’s convinced Jeno that he’s not upset. He can deal with it on his own. 

_”What is it?”_ Jeno perks up. 

“Nothing.” Jaemin assures him, carefully keeping his voice level. “Can you sing?” 

_”Uh… Not really. I do it, sometimes, but I’m not really-- I’m not good.”_

Jaemin hums in understanding. “Renjun sings to me sometimes.” He tells Jeno, even though Jeno knows. 

_”He has a beautiful voice.”_ Jeno replies quietly. 

“He does.” Jaemin nods, with another hum. 

The line goes silent again. 

“Play me something, Jeno.” 

Only a few short moments pass before a soft melody rings through the static of the speaker. It’s distorted and metallic, _other_ in a way everything sounds over a phone call, but Jaemin still feels himself close his eyes and breathe easier. 

The melody sounds a lot like Renjun’s voice, he thinks, and a lot like Jeno’s life. 

Jaemin knows that nothing is okay right now, and nothing makes sense, but he also knows that he’s not upset, and maybe, just maybe he knows why. 

✨

As soon as the phone call ends, Jeno puts his guitar on the floor gingerly, rolls over and screams into his pillow. 

He was ready for Jaemin to yell at him, to tell him he never wants to talk to him again, and he assumed he’d be okay with either. But Jaemin stayed silent for the most part, and calm, and that’s infinitely more worrying. 

With all that Jaemin has denied it in the past, Jeno feels like the admission to Jaemin’s feelings for Renjun should’ve come with a lot more emotion, a lot more panic. Jeno would have panicked. Jeno _is_ panicking. 

There is so much more they should have talked about, now that they both were so sure about their feelings for Renjun. Jeno should have reminded him that Renjun has no idea he exists, and that Jaemin shouldn’t worry about him. He feels like Jaemin would worry about him, but Jaemin, apparently, doesn’t feel like that. He didn’t feel the need to talk about anything regarding Renjun after his anticlimatic confession, except for his singing, when they should have talked about so much, when they should have set boundaries, rules even-- 

With way more force than necessary, Jeno slaps a hand against his forehead. 

“Please stop thinking.” He begs his brain. 

It doesn’t do him the favour, of course. It spits out thought after thought after thought, for hours of Jeno laying there on his bed. 

By the end of it, the sun is already high up in the sky, his phone is discarded to the side after he stared at the locked screen for an eternity, contemplating whether he should call Jaemin again, and Jeno is not any smarter than he was before. 

He knows he has feelings for Renjun. He knows he has feelings for Jaemin. He knows both of this is ridiculous, and shouldn’t be real, because he shouldn’t even know either of them, but he does and it’s real. 

And after hours of going in circles, all he can manage to do is send a text message. 

**to: jisung**  
can you come over?? i need help with sth

He hasn’t even started regretting it when the door to his room opens only ten minutes later and Jisung aims an apple at his head. 

“Grandma shoved this into my hand and told me you haven’t come out of your room all day.” He explains as he throws himself into Jeno’s ancient beanbag chair. 

Jeno hums as he looks at the apple like it’s a foreign object. Things like nutrition seem trivial in the fresh awakening of his teen angst.

“So, what’s up?” Jisung asks, after Jeno took a tentative bite. “It has to be something really weird, if you want to talk to _me_ and not one of the other losers.” 

“They have their own stuff going on.” Jeno brings out around the bite of apple. 

“True.” Jisung sighs. 

The room falls into silence as Jeno works away on the apple. He’s still not feeling particularly hungry, but it gives his mouth something to do that isn’t actually talking to Jisung. He admittedly hasn’t thought this through at all. Telling Jisung about everything means telling him about _everything_. Jeno doesn’t even want to talk about all of it, not the body switching, not the irony of the universe, he just wants very mundane and boring advice.

When he’s done with the apple, he sits up and carefully folds his hands in his lap. 

“Oh, this is serious.” Jisung notes, sitting up himself. His eyes are wide and curious, way more interested in Jeno’s concerns than he’d expected him to be. “Is it about the _thing_?” 

Jeno scrunches up his brows. “What thing?” 

“Your _thing_.” Jisung emphasizes again. 

“What kind of _thing_ do I have?” 

“You tell me.” 

Jisung’s eyes are still wide and imploring, and Jeno thinks that if nothing else comes from this conversation, at least he’s feeling lost about something that isn’t his feelings for Jaemin and Renjun. 

“I don’t have a thing.” He says carefully, mirroring Jisung’s wide eyes. 

“You have to have some sort of thing, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me for help.” 

“I don’t have a thing.” Jeno repeats. “I have… A friend.” 

Jisung blinks for him for another second, then visibly deflates. “Sounds unrealistic. And also lame.” 

Jeno hold a hand up. “Hear me out.” 

Jisung gestures for him to go on, but he’s visibly less invested than he was before. Weird. Jeno doesn’t have time for this. 

“So my friend, he has a problem, that he needs help with. A lot of help.” 

It’s strangely reminiscent of the conversation he had with Yerim before the party. The party… Jeno shakes his head and continues. 

“My friend is, uh… Kind of confused. Because he has this guy he likes. And that guy has a friend, and my friend also likes him. And he knows his friend also likes his friend, because his friend told him, and his friend also knows that my friend--” 

“Jeno.” Jisung interrupts him. “I’m going to stop you right there, because I stopped listening like five friends ago. Why are you talking about Hyuck and the idiots like I don’t know them?” 

“I’m not.” Jeno gives back, slowly, because his brain is still running hot from trying to explain it all. 

“Jeno you don’t have any other friends, especially not ones who are _this_ stupid and gay.” Jeno has known Jisung his entire life, but he doesn’t think the younger has ever looked at him with this much judgement. 

“I do!” Jeno protests. “The story is different, okay? My friend--” 

“Donghyuck.” 

“No!” 

“Yes. I’m just trying to make our lives easier” 

“Fine!” Jeno grits out in frustration. “What would you tell Donghyuck, if he was in love with Mark, and also with Yukhei, and Mark was also in love with Yukhei, and Yukhei accidentally kissed Donghyuck, even though he actually doesn’t know him?” 

They stare at each other for a few seconds, wide-eyed and in silence, before Jisung’s face crumples in confusion. “What?” 

“I told you it’s not about them.” 

“Well, sorry for doubting you.” Jisung says, but he doesn’t actually sound sorry at all. “I can’t believe you’re making me think about _different_ gay idiots, when we have our own set right in front of us. I deserve a raise.” 

“You’re getting a raise when you actually help and provide solutions.” Jeno huffs. 

He would never admit this to Jisung, but the younger has already helped a great deal without knowing. Their back and forth is familiar, comforting in some weird way. Jeno’s mind doesn’t feel as loud anymore when he’s busy trying to navigate around Jisung’s poorly veiled insults. 

“Well, I’d tell your friend the same thing I’ve been telling our own morons for weeks. He should talk to them.” 

Jeno starts to shake his head. “It’s not that eas--” 

“It literally is!” Jisung cuts him off, exasperated. “It’s in everyone’s best interest. It’s the only way that _anything_ will happen. Also that dude deserves to know who he kissed, I think. That’s kind of messed up.” 

Jeno has his mouth open for another retort, but Jisung gets up, both hands raised. “I don’t wanna hear more, actually. That’s my advice, I’ll accept my raise in the form of cookies next week, tell your friend he’s a loser. My job here is done.” 

And then he’s out of the door. 

Jisung has a habit of walking out on people when they annoy him, Jeno being the person suffering most under that because of proximity alone. Usually it wouldn’t bother him, because he knows Jisung will be back to throw affectionate insults at his head in a few days at most, but right now, he’d really rather Jisung stayed, so he wouldn’t have to be alone with his thoughts. 

Jisung is right, of course. Renjun and Jaemin deserve to know about everything that Jeno is thinking about, and they deserve that Jeno leaves them alone to be made for each other in peace.

A small bitter laugh escapes him then, echoing eerily through his silent room. 

That had been a conclusion he had come to weeks ago, but only accepted it as what it was in his hours of brooding today: Renjun and Jaemin were clearly destined by some higher force to meet in the first grade, to become best friends, fall in love, get married and move into a sleepy little suburb together. 

Jeno showing up and making everyone, including himself, miserable isn’t part of the universe’s grand scheme, but the stupid thing doesn’t seem to have any plans to cover for its own fuck up. It’s not Jeno’s fault that he woke up in Jaemin’s body that day, yet he’s left to fall in love with Jaemin and fall in love with his best friend, and ruin everything and try to mend the cracks. 

Another noise escapes him, another laugh, but barely. It’s dangerously close to a sob. 

_Love._ It’s what he described it as to Jisung, and it’s almost ridiculous how sure he is of its legitimacy. He shouldn’t know what love it. He should be hung up on the last superficial crush he’s had, until he escapes this town and goes to college and meets the love of his life in line for an overpriced coffee. He should fall in love with people in his own life. 

Desperate to ignore the train of thought and the desperation of it all, Jeno picks up his phone for the first time since Jisung showed up. When the screen lights up, it shows him a whole string of text messages he’s missed, most of them from Donghyuck. 

**duckie**  
jeno jeno jeno jeno jeno jeno jeno JENO 

**duckie**  
oh my GOD 

**duckie**  
JENO I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS THE WORST MOMENT TO GHOST ME

 **duckie**  
fine. i’ll yell into the void.  >:(

 **duckie**  
JK I’M TOO EXCITED TO FROWN AT YOU :D 

**duckie**  
GUESS WHO HAS BOYFRIENDS!!!! 

**duckie**  
PLURAL, BITCH!!!

There’s about a dozen more messages after that, most of them more emojis than words, a few from Mark and Yukhei too. Jeno can guess what those look like. 

He locks his phone and puts it to the side, feeling the first genuine smile in days tug at his lips. He lets it be, as well as the next quiet sob that fights its way through his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeno _is_ happy for them he's just a sad gay bitch
> 
> the song he's playing jaemin is falling slowly btw. this univere's jeno knows just as many songs on the guitar as irl jeno. (two) (and i'm not having him play jaemin love yourself for emotional support)
> 
> sorry that this is so short and nothing really happens but we're nearing the climax of this story and also the end, so some emotional developments had to be made
> 
> that being said it might be a while until the next chapter. i'll try working on it at a normal pace, but i signed up for a fic fest, so that has top priority (i never wrote on a deadline...terrifying) and also im starting university in less than a month... ALSO TERRIFYING!! 
> 
> if you want to keep up with me/the progress of this story you can check by on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lilaliacs) , im planning to make a habit of complaining more about my writing publicly. very cathartic. 
> 
> i hope everyone's having a good week!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

Jeno has always loved travelling. When you’re growing up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, the chance to get out seems like the only way not to grow mad. When he was younger, he spent every train ride with his nose pressed up against the window, marvelling at the scenery outside and probably annoying his grandmother to no end. 

Right now, Jeno can’t find it within himself to marvel at anything beyond the glass. The world passing by outside is grey, it hasn’t stopped raining in days. When he was younger he probably would have been overjoyed with that. Maybe he would have attempted to count the raindrops on the window. Right now, his gaze is trained on a loose thread on his sweater, and the music coming out of his headphones drowns out the soft rhythm of rain against glass. 

He turned off his cellular for the duration of the ride, knowing he'll have way too many questions to answer from his friends as soon as they realize he just up and left without telling anybody. Jisung would be annoyed because he didn't ask him to come along, Donghyuck would be worried, Mark would remind him about that test he has on Tuesday, Yukhei would be confused and it wouldn't be pretty. Jeno has enough to deal with, anyways. 

He only has the bare semblance of a plan. Find his way around the city, find Jaemin and Renjun, explain himself, apologize, hope it helps, never mess with their lives again. On his laptop at home there are several sites of scientific institutes open that partake in research on concepts that are all at least a tiny bit similar to Jeno and Jaemin's. Time travel, the existence of souls, inter-dimensional connections. He's maybe going to fail that history test on Tuesday, but it's gonna be worth it once he finds a way to end this. 

He doesn't know if anyone in these institutes will be able to help. He doesn't know if Jaemin and Renjun even want to see him, will accept his apology. Jaemin will probably tell him not to apologize. Renjun will probably just look at him in bewilderment, because that's generally what people do when a complete stranger apologizes to them. 

But maybe it's time Renjun finds out. 

_”That dude deserves to know who he kissed.”_ Jisung's voice echoes in his head. 

He will know, and then Jaemin and Renjun can be happy together and Jeno can stop bothering them. 

He hadn't realized that he nodded off until the uncomfortably droning voice of the announcement notifies him that they have reached their destination. 

The train station is about 10 times the size of the one at home, the noise of hundreds of people around him bleeds through his headphones as he walks through the giant halls. For a moment he loses himself in all of it. 

He always wondered, growing up, what it would be like to live in a city like this. The anonymity, the thrill, the life in it all. 

Living Jaemin's life hasn't been that different from his own, he realized. He doesn't know what he likes better, doesn't think it's important anymore. When he steps out of the trainstation he inhales and the air smells like traffic and an oncoming thunderstorm and change. 

Jeno knows Jaemin's address, but he doesn't know how to get around the city, and he doesn’t dare to turn his cellular back on. Some voice in his mind keeps telling him Jaemin somehow found out about what he’d been planning, and there's so many reasons why he wouldn't want to see Jeno. 

Jeno isn't sure he wants to see Jaemin either. At least that’s what the rational part of his brain is trying to tell him. 

The irrational part, the one with feelings and a fluttering heartbeat, is telling him he's probably going to die once he sees Jaemin, but in the best way possible. 

_Maybe that's what love is._ Jeno thinks grimly, as he hops on the first random bus he finds. 

His kind-of-plan is to just ride around the city as long as it will take to see something familiar in a neighbourhood. 

His phone dies after an hour of this, cutting off his music. His legs start hurting from walking around streets he's never seen before. He stops counting after the 10th busline he gets on. 

After about two hours, he catches a glimpse of a niche café that Renjun likes to drag them all to. He gets out at the next stop and sure enough, he recognises street names and stores. 

It takes him another half an hour to reach an eerily familiar apartment complex. 

A weird feeling starts building up in his chest, mixes in with the nervousness. It's weird, being here, _actually_ being here, while Jaemin is here too. 

He knows that he and Jaemin are about the same height, about the same age, so really there's nothing that should make the view of Jaemin's name on the row of post boxes next to the door any different from all the other times he's seen it. Yet it’s like he's never seen any of it before, in all its familiarity. 

And he probably would have stood there for the rest of the day, the rest of eternity, staring at Jaemin’s name, had the front door not opened in that precise moment. 

It’s nearly comical, Jeno can imagine. As a bystander, maybe, he would have laughed. But he is not a bystander, and he can feel his heart stutter and his breath hitch and he can feel everything starting to be _real_ just as much as he expects it to be _wrong._

Renjun stops in his tracks, but it’s not for any of the reasons Jeno feels frozen, of course not. It’s just because Jeno is standing in his way. So he steps to the side, lowers his gaze, entirely too late, praying that Renjun won’t notice. But of course he does, because that’s who Renjun is, he notices things and he worries and he maybe doesn’t always show that worry, so maybe he will just walk by and leave Jeno to his misery-- 

“Can I help you?” Renjun asks and Jeno is painfully reminded of the first time they met. Of the first time he met Renjun. His voice tugs on Jeno’s heartstrings all the same. 

He looks up, and the expression on his face seems to be something between surprise and alarm, something betraying the panic he’s feeling, because Renjun tacks on: “You look kind of lost. Are you looking for someone?”

Maybe it’s because he’s nearly as overwhelmed with seeing Renjun as he's been the first time, or maybe it's because of the intense look in Renjun's eyes or maybe it's because Jeno is an idiot, but he nods, and the next thing he knows he hears himself say: “Na Jaemin.” 

He has to keep from grimacing after that, for a long moment, because Renjun stays silent. He doesn’t look as confused as Jeno would have expected, seeing as a complete stranger just mentioned his best friend. Maybe that’s more generally accepted as something possible in the city. If some weirdo he’s never seen before should stand in front of Donghyuck’s house anytime soon, Jeno would call the police without hesitation. 

Renjun doesn’t look like he’s planning to call the police as he cocks his head to the side and blinks at Jeno, nearly imploringly. It’s not at all like any other way Renjun has ever looked at him. With a little sting to his chest he reminds himself that that’s not surprising. Renjun has never looked at _him_ at all. 

He nearly misses the moment Renjun starts to speak. 

“I’m just coming from… From trying to talk to him. He’s not available.” He mumbles the last part, and Jeno can imagine why. Jaemin probably refused to even let Renjun in. Or maybe he told Jisoo to say he wasn’t home. Or maybe he really isn’t home, hiding out somewhere Renjun wouldn’t look for him. 

Jeno had managed to calm him down yesterday, but that doesn’t mean Jaemin would be ready to talk to Renjun about all of this, especially not what he told Jeno. Jeno understands. He isn’t ready either, would love to go back home and hide. 

He realizes he has yet to reply. “I’ll have to catch him another time then.” He says, a little late, a little strained, with something that he hopes is an easy smile. 

Renjun nods, very slowly, while still keeping his eyes imploringly on Jeno’s face. 

“Are you from around here?” He asks then, and it comes out a little too loud, as if he hadn’t had the time to school it into something quieter before the question burst out. 

Jeno shakes his head. “From the countryside.” He corrects. 

He’s not entirely sure why he’s telling Renjun all of this, other than that it seems impossible to lie to Renjun more than he already has. 

Renjun nods. “What’s your name?” 

And that, somehow, feels like a loaded question. Jeno doesn’t know why. He also would want to know the name of the stranger wanting to talk to Donghyuck, maybe even before he’d call the police. He pushes down the nerves.

“Jeno.” 

Again, Renjun nods, like Jeno told him something of substance, something he really has to think about and not just a name that really isn’t more than that. “Jeno.” He repeats, as if to test it out. Jeno’s heart does a funny thing, somewhere in between a pirouette and a leap down a very long flight of stairs. 

“So, how do you know Jaemin, Jeno?” Is the next thing Renjun asks. Jeno’s heart continues tumbling down the stairs, before it stops abruptly when he realizes that he can’t very well tell Renjun an innoscious truth this time. 

“I, uh--” he stammers. “He’s a… A family friend.” 

Renjun blinks and it’s everything Jeno can do not to apologize for how bad of a lie that was. The only thing stopping him is the miniscule bit of hope that maybe Renjun would buy it. 

“Oh.” Is what Renjun gives back, and Jeno’s heartbeat stalls because he can hear it in that one syllable, that Renjun knows he’s being lied to. He waits for him to call him out, to demand an actual answer, the truth, and Jeno is only a man, he couldn’t last against Renjun’s demands forever, he would have to stand here, in the middle of the street in front of Jaemin’s apartment complex, disclosing every single detail about their peculiar soul-switching, without any kind of privacy or preamble, and then, maybe, Renjun would-- 

“Well, I hope you’ll catch Jaemin another time then, before you have to go back home.” Renjun utters, lowly, already turning away. “I should get going.” 

Jeno gapes at him as he hastily nods and takes the first few steps around Jeno and down the sidewalk. 

Maybe it’s because his mind has already started to accept that he was going to tell Renjun all about their secret, or maybe it’s because this still feels an awful lot like lying, or maybe it’s because Jeno is an idiot, but he calls out: “Renjun, wait!”

It nearly surprises him when Renjun really stills. Nearly. Renjun turns around to face him again, blinks once, twice, takes the few steps over to where Jeno is still standing right in front of the door, blinks at him again. 

Then, just loud enough that Jeno can hear it over the sound of the streets around them, he says: “I never told you my name.” 

“Yeah.” Jeno breathes back. 

It’s not an explanation and it’s not trying to be, but there’s still something akin to understanding making its way into Renjun’s gaze as they just continue staring at each other. 

He doesn’t know when he would have mustered up the courage to speak, and he doesn’t know whether Renjun would’ve said anything. 

They don’t get to find out because for the second time, the door in front of them opens. 

Jeno breathes in sharply as his heartbeat stutters with the door falling shut behind Jaemin. 

✨

First, Jaemin only sees Renjun. 

On one hand this shouldn’t surprise him, shouldn’t catch him off-guard. He set out to go after Renjun after all, to talk to him, because his stupid, stupid heart wouldn’t shut up after he heard the apartment door close behind him. 

“Jaemin is out right now.” His mother had told Renjun, and she’s a terrible liar. Jaemin didn’t need to to hear Renjun’s reply to know that he knew she lied to him, didn’t need to see him to know the kind of look Renjun had in his eyes. The sheer mental image of it ate at him until he released a small groan and jumped up from his bed to run after his best friend-- His best friend who he is utterly in love with and who had kissed him, only it wasn’t him and he doesn’t know how to explain that to him but he has to explain _something_ and they have to talk and Jaemin is scared, he is terrified, but this is Renjun and it’s going to be alright and then he can tell Jeno that it’s alright and Jeno can stop sounding so worried on the phone and all of that doesn’t sound half bad, he just needs to run down the street and catch Renjun and-- 

When he bursts through his apartment complex’s front door, first, he only sees Renjun, and his heart starts beating even more rapidly. 

Then he registers movement, a small noise, his eyes shift from where they have been locked onto Renjun’s, and his heart stops beating entirely. 

For a moment, it’s still, everything is still and the only thing that seems even remotely real is how Jeno’s hair falls into his eyes, the way his mouth is set in a tense line, the way his eyes look into Jaemin’s. Then, suddenly, a car honks a street over, and Renjun says his name, quietly, cautiously, and his heartbeat stutters back to life. 

But Jaemin isn’t ready for it to. He knew he wasn’t ready to actually face Renjun, to actually talk to him when he left his apartment, was so sure that he would be able to handle it anyways. He can’t handle this. He can’t handle Jeno looking at him, looking back at him, at his face that he’s seen a thousand times, in mirrors, can’t even begin to think about Jeno opening his mouth and talking to him in his voice that Jaemin has heard a thousand times. 

He couldn’t have faced Renjun, and he certainly can’t handle the both of them, not with the way his heart is beating out of his chest, like it doesn’t belong there. 

_Jaemin_ doesn’t feel like he belongs. 

“Jaemin.” Renjun says again, a little louder. He knows that Jaemin heard him the first time. He knows, and he’s only doing this out of courtesy, because he knows Jaemin is confused and overwhelmed. Only, Renjun thinks that this has been caused by the kiss, when that’s only a tiny little part in the grand scheme of things, just like the way Renjun throws an unsure look Jeno’s way, and just like Jeno’s fingers are gripping on tightly to the sleeves of his sweater. 

“I..” he tries. His voice sounds far off, like it doesn’t belong either. “I’m…” 

“Are you okay?” Jeno asks and Jaemin wants to be somewhere else, wants to be somewhere where Jeno’s voice doesn’t sound like this, familiar and new, clear and so very like _him_. He wants to be somewhere where Renjun doesn’t look at him like this, worried and confused, caring and so very like _him_. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, and then he pushes through in between them and takes off down the street. 

It’s ridiculous, a little voice in his head says as he sits down in the first bus he could get on with shaky breath. It’s ridiculous because he shouldn’t run from Renjun because that’s his best friend, and he shouldn’t run from Jeno because-- 

He owes them to stay, to talk, and yet he bolted at the first chance he got. 

Jaemin sighs to himself and reaches up to pull the hood of his sweatshirt over his head. He is being ridiculous and unfair and childish, yet he can’t begin to think about what else to do. He wouldn’t know what to say to them. He needs time to think, to sort out his thoughts and his words and his feelings. 

He can’t begin to think about how to. 

So he sits there, he doesn’t know exactly where this bus is going, and he doesn’t know what to do with his life and with his feelings, and he doesn’t know how to proceed. 

Maybe he should just stay on this bus forever, see where it takes him. Maybe he would feel like he belonged there. 

A voice pulls him out of his thoughts after the next stop. 

“Hey, stranger. Come here often?” 

Chenle doesn’t leave him time to reply before he plops down onto the seat next to him and continues: “Yes you do, because this is where I live! Were you planning to pay me a surprise visit? That’s so nice of you, it’s just your luck that-- Wait, are you alright?” 

Chenle stops talking without warning, blinking at Jaemin curiously. It takes him a second to reply, and when he does his voice is coarse. 

“Why shouldn’t I be?” 

“You look like a total wreck. Like a might-start-crying-at-any-second wreck.” Chenle explains, matter-of-factly. “Do you need to talk about it?” 

Jaemin feels a very distinctive emotion then, in the mess of all the others. Fondness. The tiniest idea of a smile makes its way onto his face. 

“I don’t know if I can.” 

Chenle’s mouth forms a perfect ‘O’. “Is it a government secret?” 

Despite himself, Jaemin barks out a short laugh. “No, it’s not. I just… Don’t know how to put it into words.” 

Relieved, Chenle nods. “Well, if you want to try, you can join me for a cup of hot chocolate?” He suggests then, nearly carefully. 

If something in this world can make him feel like he belongs, Jaemin thinks, it would be Chenle and a cup of hot chocolate. He nods, and Chenle’s responding smile is infectious. 

***  
“...So that’s what’s been happening.” 

The cup in Jaemin’s hand is empty and turned cold by the time he finishes to speak. The sun is already hanging low on the sky where it’s peaking through clouds, Chenle’s living room is only illuminated dimly and with how Chenle hasn’t said a word ever since Jaemin started talking, he feels like he’s waking up from a trance with these last words. 

Chenle stays quiet for a few seconds more, blinking as if he too has to wake himself up fully. Jaemin wouldn’t judge him for thinking this is a dream. 

“There’s a lot to unpack.” Chenle finally says, folding his hands in his lap. 

His voice is just as solemn as his face, but it doesn’t last long. Soon enough, a small grin breaks through. Jaemin doesn’t feel like grinning at all, but this is Chenle he’s talking to and if he’s honest he was hoping that the conversation would make a little light of the mess that is his life. 

“First of all,” Chenle smiles. “Congratulations on finally admitting your feelings for Renjun.” 

Jaemin blinks at him, unimpressed. “That.” He utters, monotonously. “That is what you decide to focus on.” 

“Well, like I said, there’s a lot to unpack! And if I’m honest, it surprises me more that you’re not a complete hopeless case, romance-wise, than it does that you’re involved in some SciFi soul-switching thing!” Chenle defends himself. 

Before Jaemin can say anything else, Chenle has raised a finger to silence him. “But! Neither of that is your actual problem right now.” 

“It’s not?” Jaemin doesn’t really know what his actual problem is at that precise moment. It’s been something else at every given moment in the past few months. 

“It’s not.” Chenle confirms, something in his eyes that makes him seem much wiser than his sixteen years of life warrant. 

“Your problem is that you’re incapable of human interaction. You ran from both of them instead of even trying to talk to them. You didn’t even have to talk about your feelings or about the soul-switching, you could have just said _Oh, the weather is terrible today, do you want to come in for a cup of tea?_ ” 

He says it as if it’s that easy, as if’s the 1800s and people still invite the loves of their life inside for a cup of tea instead of facing their problems. And even if he had, he’s sure evading the topic wouldn’t have been an option for long. Jaemin voices these concerns to Chenle. 

“Good point. But what’s the worst thing that could come of that?” Chenle asks. 

Jaemin blinks at him again, in disbelief this time. “Are you serious?” 

Chenle nods, as if he doesn’t know what he just asked. “Entirely serious.” 

When Jaemin just blinks some more, he sighs and adds: “The thing is, Jaemin, everything that needs to be said is out in the open. I don’t know if you realized that, but you just literally called them the loves of your life.” Chenöe takes a short dramatic pause, for emphasis, Jaemin guesses. “You all basically know where you’re coming from, what you really need to talk about is where you’re going from here.” 

“Yeah.” Jaemin knows, because he is very much aware of that. “And that’s terrifying.” 

“I know it is.” Chenle smiles. “But isn’t it scarier not to know?” 

And Jaemin doesn’t know what to reply to that, because deep down he understands that Chenle is right, but he hates thinking about it.

Briefly he wishes he randomly met Yerim instead. She would have just kicked his ass about not telling her earlier, and then kicked his ass again to go back and talk to Renjun and Jeno. 

Chenle is making him think about his feelings and his options and his next step. It makes Jaemin feel like an idiot. 

He stays silent for a little longer and Chenle sighs. He gets up and collects Jaemin’s empty cup. Before he leaves for the kitchen, he turns around again and says: “You can stay here for tonight and think about everything. But if you don’t leave directly after breakfast tomorrow I’ll have someone drive you to Renjun’s.” He thinks for a moment, then adds: “And to the country-side too, for good measure.” 

Jaemin nods, as if that sounds like a lovely idea, and Chenle is gone after throwing him another wide grin. 

It’s not a lovely idea. It’s the right thing to do but it’s not what Jaemin wants to do. He’d much rather hide out for the rest of his years on this planet on Chenle’s comfortable couch, without a worry in the world. 

It becomes clear only a few minutes later that that isn’t an option, when Jaemin has arranged enough pillows around him to feel like he’s drowning in them and starts willing himself to fall asleep. 

His thoughts keep drifting to Renjun’s voice filtering through the door to his room, to Renjun’s face, to Jeno’s voice. 

He doesn’t know how to talk to them about this, doesn’t know what _this_ is supposed to be, but he knows that he doesn’t really have a choice. He just wishes he could have a little more time to prepare everything, to sort out every little thought and feeling. 

As he finally, finally drifts off to sleep, his mind replays a soft melody over and over again, played on a guitar, distorted through a phone speaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that took a hot minute and i'm sorry for that! starting uni has been CRAZY 
> 
> but i hope the wait was worth it, important stuff happened heeheehee... 
> 
> infact there's only one regular chapter left, and then the epilogue!! exciting!!! 
> 
> you can find me on twitter [here](https://twitter.com/lilaliacs) , leave me a cc or a comment if you want <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realized that there's an insane amount of ridiculous typos in the previous chapters so better late than never: this is unbetaed. i'll maybe go back and fix some typos at some point but for now we're all going to have to live with that haha
> 
> that being said, enjoy chapter 10/10!!

A familiar feeling, both in its repetition as well as in its singularity. The sunlight filtering in through the blinds just so, the weight of the comforter over him, a faint smell of lavender, the faint familiar knowledge of something other, something that wasn’t there when he fell asleep. 

A switch. 

With a jolt, Jaemin sits up, gasping for air as if he woke up from a nightmare instead of the deep heavy sleep that always came with the switches. He throws the comforter back, its smell too familiar, too warm, but then a voice sounds from beside him and he freezes. 

“You okay?” It's small, slow with sleep. 

When Jaemin glances over, Renjun is just sitting up in his bed sluggishly, running a hand through his impossible bedhead and suppressing a yawn. 

Jaemin has seen this a million times, the sunrise obscured by Renjun's yellow curtains that are more for the aesthetic than to actually keep the light out, the view of some leftover glow-in-the-dark stars when he lays on his back on the floor next to Renjun's twin mattress, Renjun waking up and blinking down at him sleepily. It's nothing new, nothing disconcerting. And yet-- 

“Jeno?” Renjun says again, his voice louder now that he's more awake. “Everything alright?” 

“Yeah!” He hurries to reply. “Good morning.” 

Nothing is normal. Everything is different. 

“Morning.” Renjun gives back, but he doesn't seem entirely convinced. 

He can't know about this. Not when they have so many things to talk about, not when Jaemin doesn't know what Jeno and Renjun have talked about, leading up to Jeno sleeping in Renjun's room. Renjun can't know that he's talking to _him_ , but Jaemin has no idea how to go about that. He's had to hide this from Renjun for months, but never like this. 

“Well, let's go then.” Renjun suddenly speaks up into the silence of his room, jumping up from his bed in one swift motion. He holds his hand out to help Jaemin up, and his smile turns slightly crooked when Jaemin just blinks at it. “I promised you pancakes, remember?” 

Jaemin doesn't know how in the world they would have gotten to a point where Renjun would promise Jeno any kind of breakfast food, but he's in no position to question it, or to deny Renjun's infamous blueberry pancakes. He forces a smile to his lips and lets Renjun pull him up. 

It's quiet as they walk over to the kitchen, as Renjun gestures for him to sit on a stool by the kitchen island, as he starts to work on the batter. 

Usually, Jaemin would break the silence, would demand coffee, would complain about homework or recount something Yerim had told him. But he stays silent because Jeno doesn't drink coffee and Jeno has never talked to Yerim, not that Renjun knows…

He thinks about Chenle, the night before, then. 

Chenle hadn’t even batted an eyelash, when Jaemin told him about everything, hadn’t even yelled a tiny little bit upon the prospect of his friend being involved in any kind of supernatural happenings. He wonders if he’s awake yet, if Jeno is, if Jeno has told Chenle who he’s actually talking too, or if Chenle noticed by himself, now that he knows. Maybe Chenle is yelling right now. 

One more thought of thousands is added to the growing pile of _what ifs_ in Jaemin’s mind. What if he told Renjun right now? It’s not like there’s a lot more damage to be done. It’s not like he doesn’t trust Renjun. He just can’t be sure about Renjun’s reaction, about where they go from here. 

And that, Jaemin decides then and there, is infinitely more terrifying than anything. 

He’s about to say something, anything, is already drawing in a deep breath, when Renjun cuts him off. He has his back turned to Jaemin, setting a crate of Blueberries down on the counter. The soft noise of it nearly drowns out Renjun’s even softer words. 

“I never promised him pancakes.” 

“What?” Jaemin asks, because it doesn’t make any sense. 

Renjun seems to think he didn’t hear him. He turns around, looks directly at him and repeats: “I never promised Jeno pancakes, Jaemin.” 

And it makes sense. And Jaemin doesn’t know where to go from here. 

“Renjun, I--” He starts, but Renjun holds up a hand, shutting him up. 

The silence in the room is deafening over the thumping of Jaemin’s heart as Renjun rounds the kitchen corner and halts directly in front of him. 

“I always knew.” Renjun whispers. “When you weren’t here.” 

“You didn’t…” Jaemin starts but trails off. 

Renjun knows what he was going to say anyways, because he always does, and he scoffs. “I didn’t say anything? Of course I didn’t, when would I ever bring that up?” It sounds bitter, but not like he actually expects an answer. 

Jaemin doesn’t try to give him one, opting instead for: “The party…” 

Words are escaping him , he wants to explain, wants to ask, wants to apologize, but all he can do is stammer and stare. 

Finally, Renjun lowers his gaze. “I’m sorry I kissed you. Kissed him.” 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything. He wouldn’t have been able to speak his mind anyways. 

“I knew something was off that night. I wasn’t sure that you weren’t… That it wasn’t you, I could have checked, but I didn’t.” Renjun’s voice goes nearly imperceptibly quiet. “I was selfish, and I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” Jaemin breathes even though it's a lie, so he tacks on a half truth: “Jeno was pretty freaked about it.” 

To his surprise, Renjun nods. “I know.” 

So he and Jeno had talked about everything the night before. Jaemin wonders what they said, how Renjun explained himself, how Jeno explained himself, what they explained about Jaemin. 

He doesn't think it's his place to ask, not right then, so instead, he says: “We never wanted you to get caught up in this.” 

It's weird to say, to hear Jeno's voice talking about a _we_ , but it is the truth and something Jaemin is sure of. One of the few things he is sure of. 

“I don't think I really had a choice but to get caught up in it.” Renjun smiles. It doesn't quite reach his eyes, and it's a little sad, but it's a real smile nonetheless. “With you being you, and Jeno being Jeno.” 

The words ring true with the something _more_ in Jaemin's chest, so true that his words spill out before he can stop them, interrupting Renjun in whatever he was going to say next. 

“Jeno really likes you, you know?” 

Renjun blinks at him for a second, nothing Jaemin didn't expect, but what he hadn't anticipated was the small smile returning to Renjun’s face and him saying: “I was about to say the same thing.” 

Now it's on Jaemin to blink. “You wanted to say that Jeno likes you?” 

Just what exactly had the two of them talked about last night? 

But Renjun shakes his head. “We talked about you.” He says, as if he somehow read Jaemin's mind. “Which is kind of obvious, because you bolted from us. I had a question or two.” 

Jaemin scrunches up his lips in acknowledgement of the underlying jab, but he doesn't interrupt Renjun. 

“He really cares about you, Jaemin. He wanted to go out and look for you even after Chenle texted me you were with him.” 

“I'm sorry for running.” 

“I know.” Renjun nods. 

He doesn't say that it's okay because it isn't and he doesn't ask why because he knows and Jaemin is thankful for it. 

What he wishes is for Renjun to say anything else, anything more about Jeno, about them, about where they're going because Jaemin still doesn't know. 

But Renjun doesn't say more, just turns to the radio to turn it on and continues on the pancake batter in silence. 

They eat, mostly in silence too, intersected by Renjun asking for the syrup and Jaemin promptly spilling some across the table. After Renjun assures him it's okay, they go quiet again. 

It is okay. They're not staying silent because they don't want to talk to each other, just because they don't know what to say, and it's not quite back to comfortable, but it's okay. 

“Let's watch a movie, or something.” Renjun says after they cleaned up. 

It's obvious that it's an excuse, but Jaemin gladly accepts it. 

It's as Chenle said the night before. Everything that needs to be said is out in the open. Renjun _knows_ about the switches, about Jeno. Jaemin is sure Renjun knows about the little something _more_ too, the something that Jaemin can't even begin to say, even less so than everything else. 

He's sure Renjun knows, and he still needs to know what to do from here, but he reckons there's steps to be taken before they get to that conclusion. Right now is not the time for those steps. They'll need Jeno here for it too, and Jeno probably needs time to think just as much as they do. 

Jaemin wonders again, briefly, if Jeno is alright over at Chenle’s, if Chenle has noticed yet. He wonders if he should text him, or call, to make sure. But they need time, and he doesn't know what to say, so he just sinks into the couch next to Renjun as the opening credits to some Disney movie appear on the screen. 

They're not even through the first song, when the doorbell rings 

✨

In retrospect, Jeno shouldn't have skidded into Chenle's kitchen yelling immediately after waking up. 

To his luck, Chenle’s family isn't there, he is alone and he only stares at him with wide eyes as he finishes yelling for a second, before allowing: “Someone is having an energetic morning. And you didn't even have your coffee.” 

It's only then that Jeno remembers that, while Renjun knows now, finally, Chenle presumably just thinks Jaemin is crazy. And it probably will have to stay that way. Him and Jaemin never talked about ever telling their friends. 

So he just resigns to grinning awkwardly as Chenle shoves a cup into his hands. 

“Have some anyways.” He chirps. “I know you get antsy without it, and I don't want you even more on edge than you were yesterday.” 

The liquid in the cup is solid black and Jeno doesn't plan to have even one sip of it, but he still takes it with him as he follows Chenle into the dining room. He has bigger concerns than Jaemin's caffeine addiction right now. 

There's breakfast ready on the table, and Chenle happily starts digging in, while Jeno stares at the steam rising from his eggs and gets lost in his thoughts. 

Jaemin had been on edge the night before, that much doesn't come as a surprise to him. He ran from him and Renjun after all. 

Jeno just wishes he could talk to Jaemin right then, but he doesn't know how it would fare to call him right now. 

Maybe he’s still trying to pretend to actually be Jeno, even though Renjun must have realized by now. He had told Jeno he always did. 

(It had reverberated deep within Jeno when Renjun had explained it. 

When he asked him how exactly he did it, Renjun shrugged. “You're different.” He'd said. “You're _you_.” 

All that Jeno's brain had provided after that was a long string of dramatic confessions of love.) 

If anything, it doesn't seem like a good idea to call. Jaemin won't pick up anyways. 

Chenle clears his throat. 

When Jeno snaps back to the present, he realizes that the plate of scrambled eggs in front of him stopped steaming, and Chenle’s is entirely empty. 

Jaemin's friend isn't staring at him in question though, but at the cup of coffee in front of him. Slowly, Chenle drags his gaze from the once hot beverage to Jeno's face, his eyes gradually narrowing. 

It's not an expression Jeno has ever seen on him, and he's just about to ask if Chenle is feeling alright, when Chenle carefully asks: “...Jeno?” 

The surprise on his face must be obvious, because immediately, Chenle mirrors it. “It’s you?” He all but shrieks. “Oh, this is-- This is so cool, it’s-- Wait. This is really bad.” 

Rambling, Chenle has gotten up from his chair and is now standing in front of Jeno. 

“Where are you right now?” He asks. 

Jeno hasn’t quite managed to catch up with the turn of events, so his answer comes out slow, more like a question. “At your house?” 

Chenle shakes his head. “Not _you_. Where is your body? Where’s Jaemin?” 

“At Renjun’s place.” Jeno gives back, still perplexed. 

“You move fast.” Chenle comments. Before Jeno can ask what that means, he launched back into rambling. “Okay, I’m calling Yerim, she’s taking you to them. I don’t know what conclusions you and Renjun drew yesterday, but Jaemin doesn’t really have a choice but talk now, right? Oh man, I would love to keep you here for a bit to be honest, I wanna find out how often I have actually talked to you before, this is so exciting-- But we’ll have time for that later.” 

Jeno has no time to interrupt, and he has no chance to stop Chenle and he doesn’t get a say in Jaemin shoving him into the bathroom with some spare clothes of his. 

He takes a few seconds to stare at Jaemin’s face in the mirror, his reflection but not _him_. He can hear Chenle yelling into his phone in another room, probably talking to Yerim. 

With a jolt, he realizes that _his_ friends probably think he’s dead. He never turned his cellular back on the night before, distracted by everything that happened and to caught up in not offering Renjun his hand in marriage right then and there. 

Hurriedly, he pulls Chenle’s shirt over his head and stumbles back out to where he thought he saw Jaemin’s hoodie laying around earlier. Jaemin’s phone is in the pocket, tons of missed calls from Renjun and Jeno himself, as well as a few worried texts from Jisoo -- Jeno has half the mind to reply to her first before dialling Donghyuck’s number. 

“Donghyuck, I’m sorry, I’m okay.” He says as soon as his best friend picks up and it’s only when he hears _Jaemin’s_ voice sounding through Chenle’s living room that he realizes that it’s not his wisest decision. 

_”That’s good to hear but who’s this?”_ Donghyuck replies, sure enough, and Jeno closes his eyes, pained. 

“It’s Jeno.” He gives back.

He can basically hear Donghyuck’s bewildered frown when he says: _”Uh, no, it’s not.”_

He sighs. “Yes it is. Listen, I’ll explain everything when I’m back home, okay? I promise.” 

_”What the fuck is that supposed to mean, who is--”_

Chenle walks through the door then, wildly gesticulating towards the front door. Jeno guesses that his ride is here. 

“Hyuck, I have to leave now. I’ll explain everything soon, I know it’s confusing.” He cuts off Donghyuck’s protests at the other end of the line with the red button. 

That is going to be one hell of a conversation, Jeno thinks. But it probably won’t be as bad as the one he is about to have, and if he is going to survive this one, he can survive his friends.

He only half listens to Chenle’s blabbering as he opens the door for Yerim and pretty much shoves Jeno into her passenger seat without much explanation. Soon enough he’s sitting in Yerim’s passenger seat and she is narrowing her eyes at him. 

“I have questions.” She says, at the first red light they get to. “But I feel like the drive to Renjun’s house isn’t enough time for them.” 

“It really isn’t.” Jeno confirms, sounding slightly pained.

Seemingly, Yerim doesn’t care for her own statement or his confirmation, because the next thing she says it: “So, you’re not… you?”

Jeno wishes Chenle wouldn’t have said anything. 

(“Jaemin was weird lately because it’s not him, it just looks like him, it’s a whole exciting thing and you need to take him to Renjun right now to talk to him and the actual Jaemin. No, really this is so cool, now _go_.” He had chirped.)

He’d hoped Yerim would just let it slide as Chenle’s vivid imagination, or a badly thought-through prank, but apparently he’s not going to be spared today. 

“Well, no.” He replies, with a small sigh. “My name is Jeno.” 

Recognition flashes over her face, before she goes back to overt mistrust. “I see.” She nods. “And you’re here because…?” 

“We don’t know why the switches happen.” He replies, before realizing that that probably isn’t the answer to her question. “Me and Jaemin have a lot to talk about.” 

“And Renjun?” She adds. 

“Him too.” Jeno nods. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes, until Yerim breaks the silence again. 

“I hate how much sense this makes.” It sounds like she doesn’t want to admit it. “You-- Jaemin really has been weird in the last time. And I saw your name in his planner once. So, either this is a very elaborate prank, or--” 

“It’s not.” Jeno interrupts her. He thinks back to how he thought exactly that, when this whole thing started, and it’s ironic with how much certainty he can deny it now. 

Yerim turns a corner into Renjun’s street. 

When they stop in front of the driveway, her eyes are narrowed at him again. “Well, whoever you are,” She starts, as Jeno reaches out to open the door. “You better make things right for them. For all of you.” 

“I’ll try.” Jeno nods. Yerim is still glaring. 

“They are my best friends. I will not hesitate to find you and kill you if you don’t.” 

“I know.” He nods again. 

Something about it seems to have confirmed something for her, because she drops the glare, replacing it with a tight smile. 

“Well, good luck, _Jeno_ ” She emphasises his name like it’s something foreign. 

And to her, Jeno muses as he watches her car drive off, it is. It’s just as foreign to her as the sound of Jaemin’s voice had been to Donghyuck, and as he should have been to Renjun but wasn’t. 

Soon, none of it would be foreign to anyone anymore, he realizes, because Renjun knows, and Chenle knows, and Yerim will want to have her questions answered and he promised Donghyuck the same. But before any of that can happen, he has some questions himself, and the answers to them lay behind the very door he’s standing in front of. 

(“It’s really no problem.” Renjun had insisted the night before, all but ushering Jeno over the threshold. “You need a place to stay, don’t you?” 

“You don’t know me.” Jeno gave back, perplexed. “I could be an axe murderer.” 

“But you’re not.” Renjun had said. “And I do.” 

And that was when Jeno had found out what exactly Renjun had been talking about, back at the party, how he wished that Jaemin had told him, how he didn’t know how to say that Jaemin didn’t need to tell him.)

The door opens, and the look in Renjun’s eyes is the same as when he said he didn’t know how to speak his mind. 

But Jeno sees something else there too, something warm and hopeful, something that he feels too, something that’s so much _more_ than he can say. He sees himself, sees _Jaemin_ peeking out of the living room door behind Renjun, and he knows that he needs to try. 

They all need to try because otherwise the something more is going to be too much and none of them deserve that. 

“Hey.” He says, to both of them. “I think we should talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -the end
> 
> don't worry there's gping to be quite the elaborate epilogue, but it's going to have the tiniest twist, so for now this has been it from jeno and jaemin. 
> 
> i can't help but feel that this end isn't everything it could have been because this story has become a lot while writing it. that sounds weirdly ominous, but it actually just means that im not gifted in writing multi chaptered fics like this. i still hope that you enjoyed it as much as i did, writing it. if you followed it up until now, i hope that you know that i love you and that i'm thankful <3
> 
> see you with the epilogue soon (hopefully, we know my track record) <3 <3 <3 
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/lilaliacs) // [cc](http://curiouscat.me/fullstar)


	11. epilogue

Renjun doesn’t know if he believes in magic. 

Back when was in kindergarten, his cousin took up card tricks, and for a while there, he had believed. But then he annoyed Kun for an entire weekend and he finally explained the tricks to him and the magic was gone. 

Getting down to it, Renjun doesn’t even know what magic is. Maybe, if magic is the way two colours bleed together to make another, or in the sound of a laugh, in the rhythm of life, maybe then he’s believed in magic his whole life, even without knowing. 

He remembers back in elementary school, when he’d shown Jaemin one of Kun’s card tricks, and his best friend’s eyes went large and full of awe, and Renjun never explained the works of it, not to this day. He wonders if Jaemin ever believed in magic, real magic, beyond battered cardboard and lies. 

He’ll never get to ask him, he thinks, because whether they’d believed in magic or not, whether they had ever really truly known or speculated what it was, every uncertainty had been taken from them by now. 

Renjun has been waking up every morning of the last few months, remembering all over again that he has known magic, has seen it and has had to face the fact that he can never explain it. 

Sometimes it all feels like a dream. 

After that weekend, that weekend when fate had decided on one last play, it had been over. When Renjun had woken up and saw Jeno but knew he wasn't there, just as much as he'd always known before when Jeno _was_ there, when they were all suddenly together for once, when they had talked, they hadn't known what the future would bring. 

They still don't, but what they know for certain is that after that weekend, fate didn't seem to have any more magic left for them. 

Jaemin and Jeno had never switched again, not once, ever since. At first, they had worried, had waited for the shoe to drop, but nothing had happened, and they had to accept it as one more thing they could never explain. 

Renjun thinks that he doesn't need more magic in his life. Even as days and weeks and months went by, and the memory of it all started to sound like a fairytale, he never found himself asking for another one. Fairytales are marked with an ending, a “Happy Ever After”, and Renjun wouldn't trade his for the world. 

Sometimes though, he still fears that he will wake up one morning and it won’t have been real, an elaborate trick his mind played on him. A dream, nothing more and nothing less, and Jaemin will still only be his best friend, and he will slowly but surely forget Jeno's face that he never truly knew in the first place. Those are the mornings when he remembers that he doesn't know if he ever believed in magic, when he remembers Kun's card tricks. 

This morning hadn’t been one of them, because he was woken up by his phone ringing and Jeno trying to yell at him over all the noise of traffic and his friends, that they were about half an hour from his house, and Donghyuck had stolen the phone and demanded Renjun have coffee ready when they get there. 

They had spent the morning carrying boxes, in between cups of coffee and Renjun dozing off on the ground of his room while trying to sort through the last bits of his stuff, but they had made it somehow, in one piece, and had arrived at Jaemin’s place a little while later, also in one piece. 

If it _was_ a dream, there was nothing magical about it, Renjun thinks as he sits cross-legged on Jaemin’s desk and takes way more time than necessary to scrawl _’hoodies’_ on a cardboard box. 

“Are you sure you packed everything, baby?” A voice sounds from the depths of Jaemin’s mostly empty closet.

“ _Mom_ , we checked everything five times, can you stop making me freak out?” 

“Oh, _you’re_ freaking out?” Jisoo emerges from the closet, raises an eyebrow at her son and puts her hands on her hips, not unlike Jaemin himself does it all the time. “Try watching your only son move out for college.” 

They stare at each other for a while, Jisoo from the closet, Jaemin from the bed, until Jaemin’s annoyed facade crumbles and his eyebrows knit together while his bottom lip juts out. “Don’t _say_ things like that.” 

A crash sounds from outside, effectively cutting off whatever Jisoo was going to say next. 

“Don’t worry!” Comes a muffled voice from the hallway. A second later Jeno’s head peeks into the room. “I just fell over the box with your plushies.” 

Jaemin gasps, and Jeno hurries to hold up a hand. “I’m okay!” 

“But are my plushies?!” 

“...I didn't check.” Jeno blinks. 

“Well, go and check! I was having a moment here.” 

Renjun snorts from his perch on Jaemin's desk. “You were trying to avoid the moment, babe.” 

He jumps off the desk and sidles up to Jeno. “But take all the time you need, we're gonna make sure every single plushie is at the top of its health.” 

Jaemin looks like he wants to object, but before he can say anything, Renjun has pulled Jeno out into the hallway. 

“I'm sure they're fine.” Jeno says with a small whine in his voice. “I didn't even dent the box.” 

Renjun has to suppress a laugh. “We're not actually checking on the plushies.” He clarifies. 

“We're not?” 

“No. But grab the box anyways.” 

Jeno does, and Renjun takes one of the few left in the hallway. They make their way downstairs and outside, where they walk in on Yerim and Yukhei carefully observing Donghyuck, perched on the roof of Yukhei’s pickup truck, trying to arrange the various boxes in the bed of it. 

“You have too much stuff.” Yukhei states, when he notices Renjun and Jeno. 

“Hyuck is going to die because of it.” Yerim adds, her eyes still on Donghyuck’s precarious perch on the car. 

“Stop jinxing it.” Donghyuck calls over. “You just _want_ me dead.” 

“Never, baby.” Yerim calls back, blowing a kiss over. 

“At least my stuff won’t be responsible for it.” Jeno shrugs, putting the plushies down in a free spot in the truck. 

Mark was already waiting for them with Jeno’s boxes filling his car up to the passenger seat. He had facetimed Jeno about half an hour ago from a traffic jam until Donghyuck had yelled at him not to use his phone while driving and forcefully ended the call. 

“Where’s your worst half?” Yerim asks, finally turning away from Donghyuck’s inevitable fall to death. 

“You have a ranking?” Jeno asks back, not as appalled as he could have been. 

She nods. “You’re first.” 

As Jeno grins at her, Renjun throws a vague hand back towards the apartment building. “Crying somewhere up there probably.” At Yerim’s raised eyebrow he specifies, a little more sensible: “His mom.” 

“Oh, Miss Na gets to make a scene, and I don’t?” Comes a complaint from above them, shortly before Donghyuck jumps down from the truck’s roof. (He doesn’t die, miraculously.)

“I don’t have power over the scenes Jisoo makes.” Jeno shrugs, at the same time that Yukhei says: “Don’t act like you’re not gonna make a scene even if Jeno told you not to.” 

“Both of you make valid points.” Donghyuck nods. 

The door behind them opens again and Jaemin and Jisoo step out with the last two of Jaemin’s boxes. Jisoo’s eyes are a little misty and Renjun doesn’t miss the way Jaemin keeps his gaze trained on the cardboard in his hands instead of looking at anyone. He decides to do him the favour and not comment on it. 

Jisoo claps her hands once they secured every single box in the car. “That should have been everything then!” 

She's met with a small cheer from Yukhei and vague nods from everyone else, before the group falls into silence once again. 

Renjun himself is not a big fan of goodbyes, but he knows for a fact that almost every other person he is with right now, despises them even more.

A young woman on her phone walks straight through the little circle they have formed on the sidewalk in front of the Nas’ apartment building, and as soon as she's out of earshot, Jaemin copies his mother's enthusiastic clap. 

“We better get going then, traffic is crazy, car rides are tiring, the sooner we leave the better--” 

He is cut off by Jisoo, pulling him into a tight hug without any preamble. Jaemin takes several seconds to long to start whining about how she is embarrassing him and how he's not a baby anymore, and Renjun doesn't miss the way he’s holding onto her just as tightly, despite his complaints. 

When she eventually lets go of him, she immediately turns her attention to Renjun, as well as to Jeno next to him. “You two”, She starts. “You gotta promise me to take good care of him.” 

Renjun can’t fight the grin that makes its way to his face as Jaemin starts another bout of complaints. “Of course.” He nods, effectively cutting him off. 

“I’ll remind him to call you once a week.” Jeno adds. 

“Make that at least twice.” Jisoo corrects him. Then her face softens and before they know it they're pulled into another hug. “I trust you.” Jisoo mumbles into Renjun's hair. 

Jisoo hugs Yerim, Yukhei and Donghyuck too for good measure, reminds the two eldest to drive carefully, and after Jaemin has promised about five times that he is going to call her as soon as they arrive, they're on their way. 

It's about half an hour into the drive, when reality really hits Renjun. 

Jaemin is in the passenger seat, giving Yerim directions once in a while that Renjun can't quite catch over the music wafting over from the speakers and his own drowsiness. Jeno had been on the phone with Jisung at first, then went over to drumming his fingers on Renjun's knee for a while, but he's stopped now and Renjun can hear his even breathing from where he's leaning against his shoulder. 

The world outside passes by in vague shapes and colours. Somewhere behind them Yukhei and Donghyuck are following them in Yukhei's truck with most of Renjun’s and Jaemin's worldly possessions, somewhere in front of them, still a good few hours of highway to go, is their destination. 

Many things in Renjun's life seem like a dream. Between learning to know what magic and love is, one would think he couldn't have picked a specific most surreal event of the past few months, but Renjun is actually quite sure what it is. 

It was a few days before he and Jaemin were graduating, a little before they were both going to take a train and surprise Jeno at his own graduation too, when they had sat on Jaemin's bed, a laptop open on FaceTime beside them and two creamy white envelopes in front of them. 

“This is the scariest thing I've ever experienced.” Jeno's voice sounded from the laptop speakers. “And once I woke up to see Jaemin's face in the mirror unexpectedly.” 

Renjun snickered despite his nerves, as Jaemin stuck his tongue out at the camera, but the short break didn't last long and soon enough they were back to staring at the letters in utter silence. Renjun felt like the university's logo was laughing at him. 

“It's not that big of a deal.” Jaemin spoke up suddenly. “Even if we weren't all accepted there, we have alternatives, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Right?” He looked between Renjun and Jeno on the screen expectantly, waiting for them to nod, before taking a deep breath. “Okay, then let's go. This is nothing to be dramatic about.” 

And only a minute later, he was crying, and Renjun was trying to wrap his mind around the fact that he was going to study art, with Jaemin and Jeno by his side, all of them doing what they loved. Nothing seemed real. 

It didn't seem real when he and Jaemin ditched their graduation party with Yerim to have a movie night at Chenle's house instead. It didn't seem real when Mark picked them up at the train station, congratulating them for being accepted and telling them time and time again how excited Jeno was about it. It didn't seem real when Jeno spotted them at his graduation, or when he ran up to them and crushed them in a hug, or when they spent the night sitting by a field close to Jeno's house, waiting for twilight, waiting for the sunset and welcoming the stars along with the future that lay ahead of them. 

Only now, in the mundane atmosphere of sleepy afternoon traffic, taking a shortcut through a small town as the sun began to wander low into the sky, does it hit Renjun how real all of this is. 

He is starting college, he is moving away from home, into an apartment that is kind of shitty, but only a small walking distance from campus and it allows pets. 

He is going to live there and he's going to wake up every morning to maybe a cat sitting on his face, or Jaemin dropping a cup in the kitchen, or Jeno singing along to some song in the shower, and to a multitude of other things he has yet to discover. 

He's going to live there and go to school, doing what he loves, and come home to who he loves, to movie nights, and new recipes Jaemin wanted to try out and pretentious retro music from the record player Donghyuck gifted Jeno when they were approved for the apartment. 

It's all real. 

Jeno stirs, careful not to move Renjun too much as he says: “Can we take a break in the next town? I'm craving pancakes.” 

Jaemin gives back something about the schedule their on, but tells Yerim the directions to the closest diner anyways. 

Renjun keeps his eyes shut, a small smile on his face as he nuzzles a bit closer to Jeno. 

Magic might be real, but now that he knows this, there are a hundred things even more exciting still ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -THE END 
> 
> first of all i want to say thank you. there's a lot of you who have been here from the very start, reading and commenting, a lot who joined somewhere along the way and maybe even some who will only find this tory now, and to all of you i want to say that i am glad you gave lil ol' me with my lil ol' fic a shot. i hope you enjoyed it!! 
> 
> that being said, the next thing in line is an apology. writing this made me realize once and for all that i need to stop trying to publish chaptered fics, because one gift i do not have is that of mastering continuity. i know that there are a lot of plotpoints i left unresolved, a lot of open endings, but i still decided to keep the epilogue the way it is, because it deels like a good place to. if you should have questions concerning the plot burning on your tongue, my cc is always open and i'll do my best to answer them! 
> 
> it was so much fun writing this story, and i'm honestly very proud of myself for finishing it. 
> 
> i hope you're having a great day, and i hope you'll have a wonderful 2019!! 
> 
> \- kaya <3
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/lilaliacs) & [cc](http://www.curiouscat.me/fullstar)


End file.
